I am going to TRY to do this more...

I guess I used to blog more when I was unemployed because I had more time then. Not so much now but I'm gonna give it a try since work is slow today.



So...The wedding is over! Thank God! :P It was a loooooonnnnggg process, but it was memorable. It's kind of funny when you have so many different expectations for a day like that and when everything pans out, it was nothing like you imagined it. But I believe that's what makes it special. Like it's your own unique experience that no one else would ever be able to explain but you.



And boy, was it an experience! Brittany was amazing as usual. She put up with my small (and I say SMALL) Bridezilla moments during the rehearsal. But I guess you couldn't blame me since I was pretty much producing my own wedding day. It was exhausting to say the least. Maybe that's why they have wedding planners. They are probably the go-to people when someone else has a question of "what the bride wants."

The DJ was bad. Really bad. But we managed to request good songs so he couldn't play bad ones which happened a few times throughout the night. I can't get over how many weird 80s songs he played! "Safety dance?" I don't even think that song was out when I was born. LOL And most DEFINITELY when Paulie was born.

But the day went by so fast and I had a wonderful night with Paul and all of my friends and family. That night we stayed at the Millenium Hotel in downtown StL. We ordered room service and just enjoyed time alone together for the first time in a good month or so. We spent a few days in Chicago after that and froze our butts off! It was just nice to spend time with him away from our hectic lives. We don't get to do that very often.

Since the wedding, I've been involved in the Christmas production at church. Playing the VIRGIN Mary is a little funny when the entire congregation knows you just got married! lol Along with rehearsals, I've been singing my butt off at almost every service we've had, tried to squeeze in Christmas shopping, and keeping the apartment organized and clean. So I've been busy to say the least...

Last night was the 1st performance of our Christmas production at Faith Church and it went off without a hitch! It was said that around 1500 people were there in our tiny building that seats 800. It was a PACKED house! After the performance we went to Steak n Shake to celebrate my birthday...that's right a birthday is also in this crazy December month! I'm 24 now. I do feel older. Maybe not health or physical appearance wise but adult-wise. No Christmas break. I worked on my birthday for the first time in my life. I think at that point in time birthdays start feeling like any other boring day. I mean, I knew it was birthday but I still started my day the same. Got to work, ate lunch at my desk, answered phones and stupid questions from crazies, and rushed home to get ready for church. Same ol' same ol'. I was bummed a little b/c Paul's been out of town since Monday. :(

BUT, he will be home tonight and he promised that he would sing Happy Birthday to me and help me eat the amazing red velvet cake my lil sister made me. I miss him.

Anyway, Christmas is 2 days away and I can't wait for it to get here!

Merry Christmas and Have an Amazing New Year as well!

Long time no blog.

Well folks. 31 more days left to go and I'm....JUST READY TO BE MARRIED!!! This 23 year old doesn't want to live by herself any more. I want to share my apartment and my bed with someone. *sigh* Oh well, at least this long engagment has helped keep things remotely calm. Just a few more things left to do and we'll be ready to go. It has been kinda nice being able to take my time with it all.

We've been blessed beyond words during this process. Let's just say that if it wasn't for my grandpa winning the lottery, I wouldn't have a dress, a cake, a pastor, or a photographer. And my parents have helps so much. Paid the deposit for the food a whole month early. That feels so good to have it out of the way. We even have the whole rest of the DJ paid off. Thank the Lord. The whole saving up for this has been the hardest part of the process. Pretty stressful I must say. But the days are dwindling down and then the next step of our life will be saving up to buy a house. The saving money thing never stops does it?

I'm getting pretty excited for this time of the year. December is such a busy time for us! Paul's bday, my bday, our wedding, and Christmas! :) Fun, fun, fun! But again, I'm most excited about December 5th. Soooooooooo ready.

Any way, back to work...

Rainy Days and Mon...wait, no...Fridays?

I'm really tired of the rain. Fall is my favorite season, but not so far. I'm ready for the crisp air and falling leaves. Right now the leaves just stick to the mushy ground. Blech.

It IS good weather for Bread Company's Brocoli Cheddar soup! :) Totally cravin it today (even though I ate some yesterday). It just tastes so good!

57 more days y'all! Finished a bunch of stuff the other day (wrote up the program, made a wedding rehearsal/wedding day schedule for the gals, and have been handing out invites as best as I can at church.) Still have about 10 more to do, but since no one is really RSVPing as they get their invite, I guess it's not a big deal. I'm SO ready for the day to get here. The planning has been fun, but I'm just ready to be married. All the dresses are ready to go...well, almost ready. I have my bustle appointment on Monday and some of the girls still need to get alterations/pick up there dress.

Dealin with a little bridesmaid issue, hope to get it resolved soon, but when phonecalls, texts, and facebook messages aren't returned, I don't know what to do. Trying to not let it steal my peace. I'm sure the enemy intends it to. But it's not gonna happen! Everything will work out. Saving up money. Praying to have it all by Dec. I'm sure we will, but it's hard to do it on our own. *Sigh*

Got asked to play Mary in our Christmas program last night. I was really happy that they asked me since our church is made up of almost 5,000 members and you know it's always nuts around Christmas. It'll be the biggest audience I've ever performed in front of most definitely. Was a little bummed since I was asked to sing 'Where are you Christmas' by Faith Hill, but maybe next year.

oH well..here's to this rainy Friday!

Should probably update...

So...

I'm all moved in! I no longer live in my home-town. I'll be back there in a couple of days for my wedding shower, but it does feel a little odd to be able to stay in STL after I get off of work and not have to drive to east ba-jee-bus to get to my bed for the night. Yes, it's very nice indeed.

Best upside: I'm 10 minutes away from Paulie so he gets to hang out over at the place later than usual. We've been able to get a taste of married life....cooking, cleaning, shopping together.

Bummer: He has to leave when I go to sleep at night. :( It truly makes December seem so far away. But we both know that it will be here sooner than we know it.

BUT next week is October 1st and that's when we're sending out our invitations! Holy Cow!!! That definitely helps it all seem so close, I must say. Craziness.

When the place is a little bit more decorated, I'll post some pics. My The bathroom and kitchen are pretty much done. The living room and dining room most definitely need some decorating and their bare walls are driving me nuts! Paul doesn't see what the big deal is, but I'm a detail-oriented person. He's more of a foundation kind of guy. That's why we work! :) I'm the icing and he's the cake.

We'll see how quickly this goes. 72 more days!

I think it's movin' too fast...

BUT I'M NOT COMPLAININ'! :)

I think we're down to 117 more days. Crazy to think that it's going to be down to 100 days soon. Have a few more things to nail down and begin to work on, but for the most part, it's done or close to being that way. Thank God!

Moving in about 5 1/2 weeks! Really looking forward to that for soooo many reasons. Let's just say it's going to allow me to spend more time outside of the car for a change.

Kinda random:
I've been having dreams about having babies with Paul. It's usually about our lil baby girl, but last night, I dreamt about our lil boy. He looked just like Paulie. Same smile. Same eyes. He even had little spikey hair! lol Pretty sure babies don't have the need for hair gel at birth, but it was a fun thought. It made me really appreciate the fact that God has given me the security of not only an amazing future husband but an amazing future father for my kids. I am so excited to see what He has in store for our lives together!

Work is going well. There are moments where I'm sitting here waiting for the phone to ring and we have no patients for hours at a time, but I try to keep busy and thank God for having a job. I remember not too long ago I would lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling just praying for a breakthrough financially. I've reached that point and will forever be thankful. I also continue to pray for those who haven't quite received that breakthrough yet. It's coming. God always provides for His children!

Peace & Love.

Counting down the days and learning how to stay in the "NOW"

So many exciting things await me and it seems like they are all within reach. But it's messing with my present focused mind. I keep finding myself looking ahead all too much and forgetting about what's right in front of my nose. And it's causing bitterness.

I guess I had a good case of the Mondays this morning or I'm just PMSing, but today did not start off exactly how I would have liked it to. I was fussy and crabby and just wanted the day to be over before it even had begun. I suppose it was the Mondays...

124 more days til the wedding. So much left to do and it always seems like there's never enough money to do it. Need someone to hold me up today. I'm just blah for some reason.

REaDy for change.

New Place=New Chapter

I feel as if my age is lining up with my circumstances.

I GOT APPROVED FOR AN APARTMENT!!!!

It's in South County and about 2 seconds from the mall and around so many great restaurants and stores! Did I mention it's RIGHT BY 270 and it will take me about 20 minutes MAX to get to work in the morning...YEAH!!!

I'm super pyched and cannot wait to begin this new chapter in my life! I'm 23 and I'm finally moving out on my own for the first time ever. No roommates, no splitting bills and rent 4 ways, no waiting to use the shower...just me, my stuff, and my baby coming over to cuddle. :)

Life is good my friends, tis good indeed!

Here's a pic of what the property looks like...

Move in date: 9/19/09...the start of a GREAT new chapter in the life of Miss Emily Rose!!!

Be blessed!

Week 2 of this out of town business...

Updated: 7/29/09....COVINGTON PLACE WAS A CRAP-HOLE!!! DON'T RENT THERE!!!!

Well, day 3 in week number 2 of Paul's adventure 3 hours away from me and I'm missing him like crazy...as usual.

To keep my mind off of that, I've been gearing up for the next step in my life and our life together. I got pre-approved for an apartment in South County which is not even 5 seconds from the South County Mall...woohoo! It's really cute and totally in our price range.





A pic of the living room and a little of the dining area and kitchen...


Here's the lovely in-ground pool and fitness center...

There are sooo many good things about it. Only 20 minutes from work. About 10 minutes from church! And did I mention it was like 5 SECONDS from the Mall!!! :) So many great places around to eat. Still gotta find out where the nearest grocery store is, but at this point, I've 2 right by my work so that wouldn't be a huge deal whatsoever. There's access to the pool, fitness center, and tanning bed. Awesomeness.

I feel like such a grown-up. I got approved all by myself. No co-signer or anything! That makes me feel really good about myself.

So I've been making lists upon lists of necessities. I feel like I've lived this life before...Ana knows what I'm talking about...planning for LA was an ordeal and a half and I visited craigslist on a regular basis.

But now the big question is when? When do I move forward to start this new life? I wanted to do September, but I feel like God is putting it on my heart to wait until October only to make it easier on the both of us. I'd get one more month to put some more dough back for the wedding/honeymoon. That is a constant thing on my brain. Constant. By the end of August, I'll have plenty, but always want a cushion. *Sigh*

Keep pushing forward.

Peace and Love.

Desires.

You're in my heart
You're on my mind
The thoughts of you cirlce around
They make me smile
They make my world

Without you
life seems empty
what did I do before you?
I can't seem to remember...

I miss you.
So much it hurts.
How many more days?
Hours seem like days
And days seem like months

So the countdown continues
to when we will be one
Life never seemed this meaningful
but it does now because of you

because of your love.
for me.
for us.
for what we are and will be.

I love you.
So much.

These next 2 weeks are gonna be difficult!

Paul left this morning for an out of town job that will keep him from my presence for the next 2 weeks. He'll come back this weekend. There's a possibility that I will see him Friday night, but who knows. It's hard when you are used to spending every day with your best friend and then they are gone for awhile. This time a part will be good for us and good for me to take a breather and have some alone time with God and my own thoughts. That could be a bad thing if I let it, but I'm not gonna let it.

This Monday was looking pretty scary at work. I was not really in the mood to deal with patients. Just having a case of the Mondays I suppose...

I'm having a better day now that I have my cherry pepsi at hand. :) It's the little things that help me get through my day.

In other news...
Count-down to the wedding...145 more days!
Got approved for a Kohls credit card-this means my credit is hopefully getting better and will greaten our chances for apartments and home-loans and what-not. Big girl stuff!

Anyway, slow work week. People really don't have the dough to spend on $450 orthotics I suppose. Hope y'all have a good week!

Peace & Love.

Having another one of those...

growing-up-sucks-moments.

I'm also extremely hormonal so that does not help either.

I'm not going to try to complain in this post, but TRY to just talk.

I have had massive headaches, all-day-long headaches, for the past month and on and off again headaches for probably the past 4. I know that there are several reasons for these headaches, stress, caffeine withdrawls, lack of water, lack of sleep, poor diet, and finally have figured out the big one...old lenses prescription...7 years old. No wonder I have had these headaches! My eyes are like..."You idiot! We are so tired...what are you doing to us??!!!"

So I stayed home today to rest those strained eyeballs and get an eye exam scheduled ASAP. Because lenses are so friggin expensive, I've got to dip into my savings, which is for the wedding. And that is where my stress comes from...saving up for the biggest day of my entire life. It seems like everywhere I turn, I'm having trouble with saving up. I spend 300 is gas alone every month just to get to work. I'm still commuting and it is the one thing I loathe more than anything. I'm staying in New Baden just to save on money because of rent issues. *Sigh*

Meanwhile in the land of Emily Rose...my brain sends me around in circles. When I end up talking to Paul about it, I sound crazy because I repeat myself without meaning to. It also doesn't help because I'm constantly wishing I was younger. I find myself wanting to go back to the days where all I had to worry about was waking up to go to class. Maybe as humans we are never satisified with our circumstances. And that's where I get the most frustrated. I was so happy to graduate last May and leave the stress of college behind me. What about being happy to leave the stressful auditions behind me as well? Several months ago, I would have killed to have a job and save me from my facebook and blogging boredom. Not to mention the nanny days...boooorrrrinnggg....

And yet, here I sit, whining about how I hate being a grown-up. How I miss summer vacation. How I miss performing in Disney's High School Musical with everyone. How I miss listening to music and journaling all day long. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because it's July and I should be swimming and playing outside. I have experienced full-time work for the first time in my life and I got so caught up in that, that I almost forgot it was summer. Sitting in an office at a computer was not what I wanted for my life, but it's what will do for now as we save up for a life together. *Sigh* Do we all wish to be kids again? I love having Paul. If I could have that and be a kid at the same time, I think that would be my idea of heaven. And maybe that's what heaven is like. A life as a child with no stress or worldly obligations such as work, bills, or health problems.

Yes, I'm having one of those days today. Questioning my future. Questioning my desires. Questioning myself and my passions. Putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that God knows best. It's just so difficult to sit "here" when you want to be "there." Wherever "there" is...I have no idea.

Another day goes by...

8 months together...what an adventure!

It's funny to think that Paulie and I have been engaged longer than we actually dated, but nonetheless, we've been together 8 months today. And they have been an amazing 8 months at that. Planning this wedding with him brings me so much joy. It's been the easiest thing I've ever done. I think that's because we had a lot of people saying prayers for us when they first heard of our engagement. A lot of the older couples in the church want the best for us and because we're young, they've given us great advice and guidance for our marriage preparation.

We're checkin' off things left and right. We went to the baker's yesterday and picked up a pamphlet. We just have to schedule a quick appt. and let him know that this is what we want our cake to look like! I already bought that exact cake topper at Michael's and have rose petals gallore! Goodness I'm excited! The bakery even has FUNFETTI cake! :) You know that's what I want!

We get our engagement pics taken on Saturday...super excited to be getting recent pictures of us! All the ones I have of us, Paulie is clean-shaven and I'm white as a ghost! Now I'm tan, he has a goa-tee (how do you spell that?) and I have short hair.

...as of right now I don't have any good pics of my new do just this one from my phone. But I got 5 inches cut off. I haven't had it this short since...2004? That's almost 5 good years of long hair that I HAD to keep because of headshots/auditions. Well guess what...the place that I perform now doesn't really care what my hair looks like! :) Paulie likes it a lot too. He said that it's the "new Emily Rose." He also said that I remind him of what I'll look like when I'm a mom. And that I shouldn't take offense of that because I'm gonna be a hot mom. LOL. He's silly.

Work's been kinda slow lately and this week, the patients have been down right hateful towards me. So much so, 2 of them brought me to tears. One after the phone call and one during. Jeezo peet people gotta take a chill pill! But I'm not letting that get me down. I keep putting one foot in front of the other and praising God that I even HAVE a job.

Thank the Lord it's Friday, that's all I'm sayin'! Have a great weekend!

Peace & Love.

Completely in awe of it all.

Life always seems to take crazy turns when you least expect it and for me, they have been GREAT turns!

First off, I'm madly, deeply, crazy in love with my fiance Paul and the countdown until our wedding continues to excite me...185 more days! That's great considering it started at over 300! I'll take 185 over 351 any day! :) I haven't seen much of him lately because we've both been working a lot. (I just started full-time and recently took over the office...making more money and getting more hours are 2 very VERY good things when you are planning a wedding!!!).

Next, my involvement at church has gotten a little crazy, but in a good way! I'm helping out with a drama for the women's conference and I found out recently that I will be singing with the praise team for this event as well! Awesomeness~last weekend marked my first time singing with the praise team at Faith Church...I'm honored...seriously. I sang up there last night at the last minute and I'm so grateful that I'm so familiar with the lryics now that I can do that. I also help out in the KOF (Kids of Faith) children's ministry on Sunday mornings, teaching small Bible lessons to lil ones. It keeps me busy throughout my week most definitely.

Things are coming along quite nicely with wedding plans. I got a majority of my bridesmaid's measured and I finish up my last one tonight...going to dinner with my maid of honor afterwards. My goodness it's been forever since we hung out! Since like November! It was great to spend time with my lady friends this past weekend. My movie star Ana was home. My oh my I missed her face. Had a nice girls day with her and Sarah. Got a chance to say hello to Bri at Coldstone and sat outside in the gorgeous weather eating ice cream and drinking smoothies. Ah, it was nice.

I feel like I'm all over the place with this blog but that's how my thought patterns have been lately.

Getting engagement pics done soon by the lovely Brittany Browers. Super excited about that...getting tan for them too! fun fun.

Hmm...what else...

Falling in love with my man every single day. Missing him to pieces. Can't wait to see him..ugh...

Hope you have a blessed rest of your week!

Peace & Love.

Against company policy...

But I just gotta blog!

Well, I'm sitting at work and have absolutely NOTHING to do for the first time since I started. I have a feeling that when I run this office soon, this will happen a lot. I guess I can just be glad I'm good at my job. Sure. That sounds good.

Life is good. Enjoying employment, but having a hard time with time management in other areas of my life. You know, family time, Paul time, and God time. It'd be cool if I was better at trying to work out too, but that is something that may not happen for a little while. The gym I work out at (haven't since early October) has a creeper that works there that I kinda dated for a bit. I guess I could just flash my engagment ring to ward off all creepers but I'm not sure how this dude will react. When I "broke up" with him (after 10 days), he became kind of a butt. So I got busy and stopped working out because I didn't really want to run into him.

Anyway, wedding planning is coming along nicely. The only difficult part is trying to get all of my bridesmaids to help me out with their schedules! Trying to get 6 girls in one place at one time is not working to my advantage right now. 1 lives on the West Coast, the other in Chicago, and the rest are too flippin' busy for much of anything. I just have to keep telling myself that it will all work out just fine.

Paulie and I bought a TON of wedding stuff a few weeks ago and took care about most of the small, detailed things. Center-pieces, decorations, invitations, napkins with our intials, etc. All that is left is to pay for all the big stuff: photographer, DJ, food, cake, and pastor's fee. But that's it! It feels good to narrow it down to only a few things. And once we narrow it down even more, we get to start focusing on apartments. We've already been looking around the Arnold/Fenton area. Hopefully when the last insurance policy comes in, we can let Miss Emily move in an apartment early so her car can rest a little while. I've put over 7,000 miles on my car since March. Not good. I really don't want to keep putting the major bucks in gas either. But I will not complain. It could be SO MUCH worse...like last summer's gas prices...YIKES! This $2.19-$2.29 is nothing.

OH! This just in:

Shelby came up to me after Tuesday night's service and told me that she heard I wanted to sing with the Worship Team. "I really want to start working with you as soon as you can. I know you're super involved already with the youth band, KOF, and drama ministries, but I'd love to have you up there with us." How awesome is that?! I'll be singing with Faith Church St. Louis' praise and worship team soon! Yay! It's been what I've wanted to do since I started going to that church back in July...can you believe it will be a year in about 2 months?! My goodness! She even told me that I'll be singing with them at this summer's Women's conference...awesomeness!

Do-te-do...bored, bored, BORED!

Guess, I'll wipe down the desks one more time...

Peace & Love.

6 whole months.

Tomorrow Paul and I will celebrate 6 months together. I would have never thought that I would fall so hard for someone like I have fallen for Paul in such a short period of time.

He entered my life so quickly and we weren't dating very long before we dove into wedding planning. I can't imagine life without him now. He's my best friend and my soul-mate. Each day that passes is one more day we grow deeper in our faith and deeper in love. The voicemails and the text messages I get from him on a daily basis bring tears to my eyes. I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm not ashamed.

God knew how much I needed this. All of it. The roses, the chocolate, the love letters. It's all so cliche and I really don't care. I'm blessed to have this simplicity. It helps lessen the likelihood of me going crazy or stressing out. I actually get a little unpleasant when I don't get to see Paul. Haha. So I really can't imagine me locking myself up in play rehearsals for months at a time any more. I'd miss him too much. I'd rather love person over something that will never learn how to love me back.

*sigh*

I'm headed to SIUE to see a few friends perform in "As You Like It." I still go to support them because I remember how important it was to me for people to come support me when I still did shows. I'm actually really excited to see a lot of them. I've been kinda anti-social these past few months and it'll be nice to say hello to my pals.

Anyway, this weather is absolutely gorgeous and makes me want to visit the beach! :)

Have a blessed weekend everyone!!!

Peace&Love.

When did I grow up?

I stayed home today because my body was screaming at me to do so. I've been running myself ragged for over a month and my immune system is definitely showing it. But it was nice to get a chance to sleep in, clean my messy room, put away laundry that has been sitting for a week, and do some ironing. *Sigh*

Sometimes I wonder whose life I'm leading since it's changed so drastically in one year. Can you believe that one year ago I was getting ready to graduate college? I can't. It seems like yesterday, but at the same time, it feels like forever ago. I'm now getting ready for marriage. It's weird how life works. You get used to something for a few years and then suddenly, your life takes a turn and you're older. Most people, like me, are in gradeschool for 6-7 years, then junior high for 2-3 years, high school for 4 years, and then college for 4-6, and some people continue schooling for 2-5 more years after that. Each time you reach a new level of education, your environment changes, your mindset changes. And each time, you have to get used to the person you are becoming.

I've noticed over and over again that I am not the Emily of a year ago. God did some MAJOR changes to my heart and mind this year and oddly enough, it began shortly after I escaped the grip of education. I no longer could look to the instituation of education to define me. I wasn't a freshman, sophomore, junior, or senior any more. I wasn't a cheerleader, band-o, SETO officer, or theatre major. I eventually started to lose the title of "actress" as well. I had to learn how to be Emily Rose. Just me. And let me tell you....it's hard to find yourself when you have been told who you are by someone else your whole life. I'm reminded of the labeling every single time I log onto facebook and I'm bombarded by people from my past. Pictures, stories of cast-parties, and people complaining about writing papers and freaking out about projects that are due. I work now. Yep. I spend my days working in an office, in front of a computer and answering phones. A job I NEVER thought I would be good at, let alone enjoy. But I do and that weirds me out to no end! :) I also spend my nights volunteering at church. Performing silly skits for the kids in the Kids of Faith Ministry and singing with the youth band, Innerlight. And in between work and church, I spend time with my best friend, my fiance, Paul.

I have come to a place where it's okay that I don't have a million friends that I spend all my time with. I'm completely content with what and who God has given me to play out my days. My life is simple, yet it keeps me busy. I am who I am and I wouldn't ever want to change that.

*Sigh* I'm not really sure what this blog was about, but I know that every time I catch a glimpse of my past on facebook, I feel the need to announce the change that has entered my life. I don't party anymore, I don't really act in plays or musicals (or even have the desire...which is REALLY weird), I don't really enjoy watching plays anymore either (I don't know why that is either). I have reached another level of life called ADULTHOOD.

But I'm left wondering...when did I grow up?

Moving forward...

I'm finally getting back into the swing of things as far as the wedding is concerned. I'm going to look for my dress tomorrow (FINALLY!) and I just bought Paulie's wedding ring. I'm going to try to surprise him with it on our wedding day. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to. He'll know that I bought it, but he won't know what it looks like until that day. I'm excited!!! :)

I paid the deposit for the reception hall and will hopefully be making more calls about the cake and dj and whatnot. Luckily, the food is going to be taken care of as well. Don't have to worry too much about finding a caterer. Thank God!

I need to keep my bridesmaids updated. I'm doing a bad job of that. I found the dress for them, I just need to make sure they get measured sometime soon! I added another bridesmaid a few weeks ago (now I have 7 including my lil sis who will be a junior bridesmaid...craziness!). I really wanted my cousin Katie to be in it since we were really close growing up and I'm only getting married once. Things just shift so much when you get older. I don't stay in touch with all my friends as much as I should, but at this point, I hardly see Paul. So if I haven't talked to you in awhile, don't take offense. I'm trying...

Honeymoon stuff:

We're praying for a trip to Hawaii. The inheritence money is taking a lot longer to receive then first expected. There's a possibility we might have to take one of the insurance companies to court. If this is the case, we may have to use the money out of our own pocket for our wedding. Pretty much like every other person on the planet that doesn't have a rich mommy and daddy. It's okay though. Everything is pretty easy to pay for so far. Not sure how much my dress is going to cost me, but at this point, I don't want to spend more than a few hundred dollars. I'm only wearing it for one day and not even a full day...9 hours. The food will probably be the most expensive thing, but it's still going to be under $2,000. It's kinda crazy how quickly things start adding up. I'm just ready to be married, but at the same time, I'm glad Paul and I get to enjoy being engaged for awhile.

Well, I'm going to enjoy this gorgeous Spring day. What a lovely Friday!!!

Have a blessed and beautiful weekend all!

Peace & Love.

Catching my breath.

So my life seems to have been running out ahead of me as I trail behind it yelling "Hey! Wait for me!!!"

Let's just say life got shoved into hyper-drive in the matter of a few weeks. And I now know the meaning of ADULTHOOD......WORK. Yes, yes...it's what I do now. And it feels really good, but at the same time I definitely don't feel like a kid any more. I may not have my own place, but there are things that I go without now that used to be at the center of my life because I had the freedom to do pretty much whatever I wanted if it was outside of theatre and the classroom.

I now understand why the weekends are so precious to so many working individuals. You need it! To catch your breath, to relax your body and mind. To rejuvinate before Monday comes learing around the corner. I truly love my new job. I'm good at it (not to sound too proud). But I give all the glory to my Maker for giving me the brains to be an amazing multi-tasker, organizer, and number-cruncher! I never thought I would enjoy working in an office, but it's perfect for a person like me who needs constant mind stimulation. Acting was good emotional stimulation, but now that I have God and Paulie, I've gotten that taken care of. I never had to use my thinking skills, my mind, my brain to dive into acting. I mean, yes, I had to use my mind pychologically. It was challenging emotionally, but it was never really the REAL mental challenge (not mentally challenged, lol...mental challenge...one that can be overcome...lol) I needed. I haven't had to use these math, communication, and organizational skills since I was in high school. College was stressful only because I was never stimulating my whole mind and never pushed it to where I know it could go because of how God made me.

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be "when I grow up" (professionally speaking), but I do know I'm called to be a servant of God, a strong and compassionate wife, and a loving mother. And it looks like I'm headed down the right path so far. :) I love being Paul's fiance. I couldn't ask for a better title (well, until 'wife' comes along in 8 months...). I love him with all of my heart and love sharing my life experiences with someone so precious and amazing like Paul.

I also don't know if/when I will go back to theatre. I'm still performing all the time at church. Singing in the youth band and performing as "POW" the superhero bible character (lol...never thought I would ever say that word combonation) for the children's ministry. It's more fulfilling than any of those characters I have played in the past because I'm impacting children's lives and their walk with God. What could be more meaningful than that? Definitely better than cussing someone out or stripping on stage. Drenched with pride and arrogance and confused out of my mind as to what is right and wrong. Wondering why I didn't get the part because "I'm so much prettier and talented than her!" My goodness have I come a long way from that life. Thank God that He loves me enough to not let me stay the same and to constantly change me.

Anyway, I guess I was feeling in a writing mood today. I just wanted to reflect a little bit on how far I've come.

I'm full of the fruits of the Spirit today as I remember what today is. Our Savior died for us on this Good Friday and He is Risen and we get to celebrate it all this weekend! Praise the Lord! I feel so loved. Warm and fuzziness. :)

I hope you all have a beautiful Easter weekend!

Peace & Love.

It's all coming together...FINALLY!

I'm finally a working woman! Praise God! The job is challenging and I feel like I'm being used to my fullest potential. Now I'm just waiting to get even better at it and eventually become full-time and get benefits! But I'm not gonna get too ahead of myself. Just enjoying what I have for now. And I'm so happy to be busy during the day.

Monday-Thursday I wake up at 5am and on Fridays I get to sleep until about 9ish, which is a blessing. But, I'm definitely staying busy at all times. I'm paying off debts left and right and obediently tything. It's a good feeling to not be financially drowning and also being able to take care of your family. Paying bills for other people is the reason God blesses His children with money. *Sigh* Things just feel really awesome right now. I honestly don't have anything to complain about. My Heavenly Father has been taking care of me. I feel so full of joy and peace.

Good things:

I love my new job. I make phone calls to insurance companies to verify their benefits and eligibility. I also call patients to discuss payment and set up appointments and whatnot. I really enjoy the challenges that come every day.

Paul and I have been enjoying 5 months together! :) It's funny because we've been engaged longer than we dated! LOL. OH well, we're in love! Wedding planning is coming along. Booked our reception hall, signing the contract soon. Gonna go sample wedding cakes next weekend. Seriously need to go looking for wedding dresses soon. Gotta find time to do that! I'm not freaking out yet...still got about 8 more months. I'll find it soon.

Well, I'm making some SAVE-THE-DATE cards to mail out! Back to work!

Peace & Love.

I'm talking like a Wisconsin-ite! Ahhhh...

I have completed 3 full days of training and have technically finished about a week and a half of training in just those 3 days! Apparently I'm catching on quick and they are about ready to turn me loose on my own. That's kinda cool. I'm learning so many new and interesting things about health insurance and different feet disabilities people deal with, especially when they get up there in age. We had this lady come in that was in her 90s. What a sweet old lady! She just wanted someone to talk to...I could tell. She probably lives alone and doesn't get out much accept for when she has her appointments. But gosh darn it, even at 90, she's still driving and making it on time for those appointments. God love her. I'm excited for that part of my job. Just being a listening ear to those who need it. :)

So I'm here in Milwaukee until Friday and have 2 more days left of training here. Next week I'll train in St. Louis and learn more and more of what I dove into this week. I'm excited to be able to handle the office on my own. It's SO much more than answering phones! It's nuts how much math I actually have to do for this job. So much new terminology to understand and memorize! But it's good to expand your mind and learn new stuff.

Tonight Paul and I checked some more things off of our wedding planning list. We moved the date back to December (per our pastor's request) and Paulie found a reception hall about 10 minutes from the church! The bonus is that we get a MAJOR discount since my Gpa is a member of the American Legion so we barely have to pay anything for the hall. Favor! We fixed our registries at Walmart and Target and figured out how to update them. I'm sure we'll do that often as time goes by. Paulie cancelled the Kohls registry since I didn't really like what we had registered for there (we were in a hurry I think). I'm thinking about registering us for JcPenney's instead. I've always liked their home decor stuff. More options I think.

On a side note, I wanted to say a little something about how important prayer is. I never realized how much prayer can change things/people/situations. I was so happy to hear about Danielle and Jordan's breakthrough yesterday. I was praying for them so much because I know there are so many people struggling right now with jobs because of this economy. But our God provides and takes care of His kids! :) Praise God! I also saw the impact of prayer on my own life: getting my voice back just in time to record the album for Innerlight. The enemy surely didn't want me to be any part of praising God, especially if it was going to be distributed to the youth of this generation! But ha! God moved that mountain and turned that situation around! The infection is totally gone and I feel so much better than I did last week. I also have been able to pay off all my credit cards and start working on my student loan debt. Not to mention being able to buy (paid in full) a brand new car. I'm definitely not hurting financially, which is probably the first time I have ever been able to say that in my life. Praise Jesus! Just keep praying and tything and believing in a breakthrough. It will happen for you too! Your breakthrough is on it's way in the name of Jesus!

Ahhh...good things, good things. So many good things!

I'll be back Friday night and CANNOT wait to see my baby. Sitting alone in a hotel room for 5 nights really isn't fun. Especially when you have to sleep in a big ol' King-sized bed alone and are aching for a cuddle-buddy. Oh well. Soon enough I'll be home where I belong. Hopefully this Northern Dialect won't stick because I find myself going in and out of the "don't cha know" and "do-dad" talk. Seriously, they say things like that. Who says "do-dads?" LOL. Silly Wisconsin. Silly silly silly. Thankfully Miss Ana is keeping me busy with our video calls on Skype (my screenname is emily.rose85 if you wanna add me). I had a good time catching up with her for 2 hours. It's so much better being able to talk to her AND see her face! :) And a lovely face at that! Love you deary.

Anyhoo...almost 9pm. Time for my nightly call to Paulie. Free calls are the best kinds! :)

Peace & Love.

Times they are a-changin'...

So I had my orientation yesterday at my new job. I have no idea what I'm going to be doing yet, but I'll find that out soon at training. I'm going to be learning something completely out of my element. Which I think is good for me. You should always continue to learn more, continue to grow. Expand your horizons, ya know.

Got my sunroof put it, and today is a wonderful to day to have it open but I'm currently nannying and won't be able to do so until about 6ish. Oh well, I've got plenty more sunny days to enjoy in the future!

I've been getting a lot of new things lately. New wardrobe: shoes, pants, shirts, jewlery, etc. And new music to jam to. I'm typing this blog on my new laptop. It was a good deal at Best Buy. It's a Toshiba and it has a webcam installed. I signed up for a Skype account so me and Miss Ana can chat! :) That's cool beans! Oh yeah, new hair do!

Hmm...what else is new with me? Um, oh yeah! I started losing my voice Sunday night and by Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday it was completely gone. Yesterday was the first day I could speak instead of whisper and now I can actually hit notes when I sing! I thank you all for the prayers. I could tell that the good Lord was working His wonders on me. I'll be able to record the album with "Innerlight" tomorrow and make beautiful music with my baby! I'm singing vocals on one of the songs he wrote for the band. We're gonna record some more tunes as well to be able to compile into a CD for Cry Out at Faith Church St. Louis. Check out the Cry Out Myspace Page for details of the event....you should come! http://www.myspace.com/cryoutonline

I leave for Milwaukee on Sunday. I'll stay up to date on here because I'm sure I'll be bored in the hotel all alone and can't call Paulie until 9pm. Ugh. He's gonna be out of town as well so it kind of worked out in a way. We'll be so happy to see each other Friday night it won't even be funny. Nah, it probably will be funny cuz we act pretty goofy when we're around each other. :)

Oh, wedding stuff:

New date...earlier than expected. September instead of December.

We registered for gifts! We're registered at Target, Walmart, and Kohls. That made so much stuff real for us. Shopping for our home...it was special. :)

Still haven't shopped for my dress. Need to do that. SOON!

Secured the reception hall.

Pretty much found a photographer.

Finalizing guest list tonight.

Writing the invitation wording tonight.

Ah...almost there! :)

Anyway, back to looking up honeymoon stuff.

Peace & Love.

This whole living-one-day-at-a-time-thing is kinda nice!

So as a request from a dear friend from faraway...I'm updating my blog! :)

Life has been utter polka dots and moonbeams. I fall in love with Paul more and more every day, I'm growing deeper in my faith, and I'm being showered with blessings everywhere I turn! New car, new designer purse, ultra-clean room, good times goofing around with my fiance in the church parking lot....you know, the usual.

My unemployment is coming to an end as I start my new job on the 16th! I'm so excited to do something more than clean my room and surf the internet during the day!

I've been anticipating our marriage more than usual lately. I started looking at things for our home and we also made a pre-registry list so it'll be easier for us to look for things when we actually register for our wedding. That made things more real. :) I even drew sketches of the layout of our bedroom and living room...I know, I'm a dork. I'm just REALLY excited. Seriously. I've always wanted this and everyday I can't believe I finally have it. I don't mean to go on and on about how wonderful he is, but if anyone knows me, you know he's the perfect person for me when I tell you that he writes me love letters on an almost weekly basis. Doesn't have to be a holiday or month-versary...he just loves telling me how much I mean to him. The most recent one said "You are more beautiful than the sunset over the ocean and more graceful than an angel in heaven." I know, I know...sappy stuff, but I LOVE IT! :) There's just something about someone looking at you in the eyes and brushing the hair out of your face and telling you how gorgeous you are or how you are the "best girl in the whole world." It never gets old...NEVER. It makes my heart smile every time I hear him say it.

The hardest part of our relationship is the distance between our houses. We're 45 minutes away, which isn't terrible, but it's definitely not easy on the mileage for our cars. And he can't be home too late so he has to always leave an hour early to make it home on time. So that definitely cuts into cuddle-time. We said that when we're married we won't take holding each other while we sleep for grant it because of the months and months of not having that. It'll all be worth the wait. Every minute of it!

If you can't tell, he's on my mind....A LOT. But I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. He's my gift from God and I will forever be thankful. Aside from Paul, I've been thinking about my career path a lot. God's sending me signs and leading me to where He wants me. Right now, I'll be a receptionist. Learn the ropes of an office. Probably for a few years until Paul gets done with school. Then we'll see where God needs me. It's not about me anyway. I've got the man of my dreams...I'm sure He'll be able to pull some strings for me financially and bring me something that I enjoy doing and am good at. Acting remains in my life, but only to glorify God and to help teach His people more about Him. Other than that, I really don't think I need to continue pursuing fame or recogntion for my talents. That only led to pride anyway and a huge ego. I've gotten enough applause over the years...I know what it sounds like. And it's funny because God's applause is so much better than tens of thousands of people. "Well done, thy good and faithful servant." I want to hear that more than anything else. I want to know I used my life to change others' lives. They aren't my talents to begin with...I didn't make them. I didn't create me. Why would I take ownership of something I didn't create? So I'll listen to what He's telling me and keep living my life one day at a time.

Have a blessed weekend!

Peace & Love.

May God's Blessings continue to flow!!!

Things have really started to pick up speed in the last few days.

First off, I got the job! Thank you Jesus!!!! I will be managing the office at National Pedorthic Services in Creve Cour, MO. Nice pay and awesome benefits! I fly out to Milwaukee on the 15th to the corporate office for a week of training and then come back to StL for another week of training. I feel so professional to have a business trip for my job! :) And the amazing thing about this trip is that it is only 40 minutes away from Chicago...and I'm flying out on my friend Jenn's birthday so I'll get to see her when she turns the big 25! How perfect His timing is!

Next, a lot more wedding stuff is falling into place. And at a very uncostly way! :) Always good! My mom, Paul's mom, and a couple of my girls are gonna go looking for wedding dresses next weekend...can't wait to try them on! :) December will be here before I know it!

And last, but not least, I get my first ever brand NEW car (no miles, never ever touched before, no one else's butt ever in the seat) tonight after work...actually in a couple hours. I'll post some real pictures later, but here is the stock photo of it on the Hyundai website:

I'll most definitely have to prominently display my engagement ring when driving this sexy beast! Ow ow!

Everything is just working out. It's been a rough past few months, but the dawn is finally here! Paul and I are stronger than ever and enjoy every moment we get to spend together (which is rare outside of church funcitions Sunday-Thursday). We never take a millo-second for grant it. We had such a great time last night goofing around at White Castle after youth. I giggled and laughed so hard, I snorted.

I love that he's a big ol' dork like me! He'll let me pose him just to get a laugh. :) He's my favorite.

Anyway, life is good. Getting better every day. Things are new and different, not like the past several years of my life at all, but I'm really enjoying this new chapter. It's fun and very spontaneous.

I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend. Relax and enjoy life!

Peace & Love.

"Close the door, Emily."

"If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing even to give up their lives to follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Yesterday was a day for enlightment from my heavenly Father...chapter 4, I think. Chapter 1 was "Don't Move to LA!" Chapter 2 was "Pursue Your Dream as a Wife." Chapter 3 was "Become a Teacher." But I seemed to misinterpret Chapter 3, I think. I figured that meant "go back to school, get certified to teach speech/theatre, Emily." But that was easy way to become a teacher for the world, not the Lord. Last night I was wrestling with the concept of where theatre fit into my life...the NEW chapter of my life. I realized that when I used to perform (outside of church), I became selfish, prideful, and overly-confident. Getting cast or receiving the compliments and good reviews made me feel good about myself. I always wanted more, but never felt satisfied. When theatre became the center of my life, I pushed God further and further away from my mind. I couldn't see myself teaching other students to seek that kind of self-centeredness and prideful existence. So I thought, "hmm...teaching English suits me better!"

But as I woke up this morning, I had this weird feeling in my stomach about going back to school for another 2 years. "More stress and more debt," I heard. I know that God doesn't want us to get further into debt because He's helping us get out of it by sending me this inheritence. For Paul and I to fiancially work this out, I'd have to work 9-5 and go to school at night until probably 11pm and not get home until midnight and very rarely get to see him or spend time with him at our 2nd home, Faith Church St. Louis. That doesn't sound like God's plan for me at all! So I think this new "enlightened chapter" goes likes this... Chapter 4: "Grow Deeper to Guide My Sheep." I am feeling pulled to teach for the Lord....as a leader in my church's ministry. I don't know how crazy that sounds to people who knew me or know me.

Your dominant gifts are Pastor/Shepherd, Showing Mercy, Administration

The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your number one dominant gift is PASTORING/SHEPHERDING! The Greek word "poimen" means pastor. In Paul's spiritual gifts listing in Ephesians 4:11, this term is translated "pastor." Although the word "poimen" is translated pastor only one time in Scripture it is used sixteen additional times. The remaining sixteen are all translated "shepherd." Therefore, we are actually discussing the GIFT of shepherding, not the POSITION of pastor. Though a good pastor must have the gift of shepherding, everyone who has the gift of shepherding is not called to be pastor. The gift can be used in many positions in a church.
As a gifted shepherd, you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by overseeing, training, and caring for the needs of a group of Christians. You are usually very patient, people-centered, and willing to spend time in prayer for others. You tend to be a "Jack of All and Master of ONE," meaning you are usually dominant in one of the speaking gifts (evangelist, prophet, teacher, exhorter) as well. You are often authoritative, more a leader than a follower, and expressive, composed, and sensitive. Your pleasing personality draws people to you.
You have a burden to see others learn and grow and are protective of those under your care. You want to present the whole Word of God and do not like to present the same materials more than once. You are willing to study what is necessary to feed your group and are more relationship oriented than task oriented. You are a peace-maker and diplomat - very tolerant of people's weaknesses. You tend to remember people's names and faces. You are more concerned with doing for others than others doing for you. You are faithful and devoted and may become a workaholic. You can become an all-purpose person in order to meet needs.
People with the gift of shepherding make the best Sunday school teachers and group leaders because their desire is to go beyond just teaching or leading, to shepherd and minister to the daily needs of their students. The position of Sunday school teacher or group leader is an extension of the pastoral ministry in the church. These groups should be shepherded on a small scale the same as the pastor shepherds the whole congregation on a large scale.
Be careful to involve other people; don't try to do it all yourself. Work on making people accountable. Do not be overly protective of your "flock." Because of these potentially weak areas, other people may think it is your job to do all the work; they rely too heavily on you. You may be expected to be available at all times, know all the answers, and be at every function. Learn when to say no.
Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He will cause discouragement when the load gets heavy, and pride because your "sheep" look up to you. You may develop family problems because of too little time and attention. You may become selfish when "sheep" feed in other pastures.
HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR GIFT? This gift is a great help in many areas. You may serve as a Sunday school teacher, small group leader, pastor or assistant pastor, bus captain, special ministry leader (such as youth, children, men, etc.), nursery worker or as a half-way house or other type shelter volunteer. You may consider serving as a dormitory leader in a college, orphanage, children's home, etc. Scout troops would appreciate your assistance as a den leader.

I didn't make this decision based solely on this assessment. Actually, I took this assessment back in January when I still thought I was supposed to teach theatre. I took the assessment for my volunteer work at the church and I now realize that my passion for this ministry goes much deeper than just volunteering on Thursdays and Sundays. I want to be a shepardess for the rest of my life. I want to be a TEACHER for the Lord. Teach others about His Grace and Mercy.
I think when I chose God and His blessings along with that decision (Paul, new friends, an awesome church family, and a stronger relationship with my own family), my old involvement in theatre changed. I began to use my talents God blessed me with to praise Him, not myself. I sang for Him, danced for Him, and interpreted for Him through my acting skills. I've felt more accomplished using those gifts at Faith Church than any other place I've performed. And God isn't going to let my degree go to waste. I may have taken those matters into my own hands back in 2005, but He will use it for good. I believe I will continue to sing at Faith Church and praise Him, and I also believe I will eventually direct the dramas along with performing in them if they need me.

So I've never felt more at peace in my entire life. I know this new role I'm supposed to take on will not be happening right away. But I truly believe I will be in preparation for the next 2-3 years. I must grow deeper. I must learn more about God to eventually be able to tell others all about Him. I must learn more about His word. I must want to seek Him even when things get difficult. I believe this is going to be an amazing journey. And I'm ready for the ride!

Peace & Love.

Nothing I'd do would amount to anything without LOVE.

Yesterday's interview went very well. The Dr. who owns the office is friends with my mom and text her right after the interview and said "I LOVE EMILY!!!" So, I don't know about you, but I think it's in my favor and I'll have a new job in no time! :)

As soon as I got home, I began to make a budget (I crunched so many numbers my brain hurt) and planned things for the wedding. Paul and I realized that we care more about our marriage moreso than the actual wedding, so we see no reason to spend $10,000 on one day. Don't get me wrong, I am really excited about the wedding and it's gonna be a beautiful and special day, but it's kinda dumb to drop thousands of dollars for a mere 9 hours. So we're going to get married at Faith Church in Fenton and we're gonna make everyone drive 45 minutes to New Baden for the reception (where it will cost us nothing for the American Legion because my Gpa is a member there and the food will be under $2,000 instead of a regular $4,500 with a catering company). The drive alone will thin out the crowd, I'm sure. The ones that love us will make the drive no matter what. My step-dad is friends with a local DJ company and my mom is going to make the bouquets because she's Miss Crafty. The only things we have to worry about are my dress and accessories, photographer, decorations for the hall, invitations, the cake, and the donation for pastor. And some little odds and ends for the ceremony: candles, tulle for the chairs, and rose petals. All the big stuff that would cost a ton isn't gonna cost much at all.

I'm excited for some new purchases that I'll be making in the coming weeks. I'm keeping a lot of it on the DL until it actually happens. Let's just say I'm getting some new things for the first time. I'm friggin excited...to put it simply. :)

Anyway, this week went by soooo quickly. I am excited for the weekend because I get to spend it with Paul before he leaves me for a week. *Sigh*

Have a wonderful weekend.

Peace & Love.

We live, We love, We Forgive, and Never Give Up!

So Valentine's Day weekend was precious. That's about all I can call it! Friday Paul spent time with my step-dad working on his car and was at my house to greet me when I got off work at around 6pm. He told me he had a surprise for me and took me upstairs to propose to me all over again. :) I waited 5 and a half weeks to get my engagement ring back from getting it sized and now I can say that it's finally mine forever.

I gave him his Valentine's Day gift early that night so he could enjoy his silky heart boxers on Saturday. :) He laughed so hard because he's never had any fun boxers let alone SILKY ones.

My Saturday started off pretty early because Paul and I were going to make an entire day out of our first (and his first EVER) Valentine's Day. As I was getting all dolled up for my baby, my mom called me and told me that she was coming over to give me my Valentine's Day gift from her and Bob. My heart just smiled when she handed me a doll I used to have when I was a little girl. She found me a Ragedy Ann doll from Cracker Barrel in a basket complete with chocolate and a glass bottle of Coke. Perfectly precious! I actually used to have this exact doll when I was about 3 years old and used to dress up my cat in the doll's dress! Haha. I loved the doll's dress so much, my mom made me one to match! Aww...I just love walking down memory lane. This doll is very special to me and I will cherish it forever and hopefully make my little girl a dress just like it! :)

After I got all "pertied" up, I headed to Caseyville to meet up with Paulie and he gave me my wonderful gifts in the car. He had me close my eyes with every gift. I got 3 beautiful roses (my favorite because of the middle name of course...), chocolates with a pencil on the box (it reminded him of me because I'm gonna be a teacher someday), a beautifully hand-blown perfume bottle made in Egypt (I've never owned anything to fancy like it), and a giant, pink, plush, heart-shaped pillow that says "Princess" on the front. He calls me his princess and was so proud of himself for finding this adorable present. :) He's the best.

After he gave me my gifts, we headed out to West County to go rollerskating! I had such a wonderful time holding his hand and acting goofy with him at the skating rink. I was a big ol' dork and skated on actual roller-skates, not blades. I felt even more like a little girl because I used to rollerskate on quads when I was about 8 years old. It was SO much fun! :)

We headed back to his house in Arnold and I changed and did some touch-ups for our dinner at Olive Garden. Sadly, Fairview Heights was SO PACKED that we ended up at Steak N Shake. I really didn't care where we ended up eating because I just wanted to eat somewhere with Paul and not have to wait an hour and a half for a table. Plus, we were the fanciest looking couple in the joint. So that was nice. :)

After dinner, we drove back to New Baden to cuddle and watch Austin Powers while enjoying an amazing bottle of Sparkling Grape Juice in fancy champagne glasses. Paul handed me my glass and said, "See, we can still look fancy and not get drunk at the same time!" I honestly cannot wait for next year's Valentine's Day as we get to celebrate that day as a married couple. It's going to be even better!

Yesterday was also a great day as we took both of our parents out for lunch after church and they all met each other for the first time. It definitely made it more official. We truly are blessed. All in all, it was an absolutely wonderful weekend and I feel so loved and special.

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day and weekend. Have a blessed week!!!

Peace & Love.

299

That's how many days we have left until we are married!!! I was just excited to see that it was no longer in the 300's. :)

In other news...

I had an interview at La Petite Academy in Glen Carbon, IL last week. It was a very last minute thing that popped up and I prepped for it in a very quick time. It lasted about an hour and 20 minutes, so I think that's a good sign. I should know by today or tomorrow if I'm the right one for the little Pre-K room. But, if that doesn't work out, I have another interview next Wednesday for that Dr.'s office. God knows which one I need, so I'm not growing too attached to either one. I just need a job to help keep my mind from wandering too much during the day.

I've realized how not many of my friends are in the same position that I've been in lately. Not many of them are preparing for marriage or are even close. It's an interesting adventure and I cannot compare it to anything I've ever gone through. I don't have many people to talk to about it besides those who are much older than me. I guess I've always been an old-soul and when it comes down to it, I love this new change in my life. If being engaged doesn't make you grow up just a little bit, I don't know what will. I no longer just think about how things are going to affect me, but how they are going to affect us. It's an interestingly new concept for me. :)

Simply, I've traded my career plans in for wedding plans. It's what I really wanted any way. I think the one reason I was so eager to make that move before was to be out on my own. I really do think that's it. I want a place to call home. I haven't had that in a REALLY long time. Sure, I have a place to lay my head down at night and I have a roof over my head, but it's not my roof and it's not even my bed. If I could just live outside my own 4 walls, I would so be giddy. Ya know, my own bathroom, kitchen, living room, and backyard. *sigh* I can't wait for all of that. And on top of all of that...my husband to be by my side always. My best friend to hold hands with as we walk around the park. Just soaking it all in. Living life.

It may not be as exciting or busy as LA, but it's home to me. That church is my home and when I'm with Paul, I'm at home. The career part of my life will be exciting, but I know I was made to be a mom and a wife. Call it boring or even mundane, if you want. But it's what I want. I was called to live the white-picket fence lifestyle. As much as I made fun of people who longed for that, I secretly wanted it to happen to me. And oddly enough, it is. :)

So here's to 299 more days of engagement. Time goes by so quickly...

As for right now...This is what I got.

The prayers and the blessings
My man and my dreams
God Above and Faith fulfilled
You're all I got.

Eager to please, eager to achieve
Crazy in love, crazy about You
Questions of how and questions of when
You're all I got.

Not the same, inside or out
Frustrations and joy
2 wants and 2 dreams
And you're all I got.

Selishness and you
Battles from within
Wanting to change, wanting familiar faces
You're all I got.

--------------------------------------------------------

Reaching for a spotlight that's going dim
Being pulled in two different directions
My eyes are slowly closing on what used to be
And I'm learning to finally see and love

Yet I look to my left
And there you stand
Holding a single red rose
And a tear running down your cheek

You whisper, "I love you...I need you by my side...ALWAYS."
And I'm frozen where I stand
Do I run into the familiar arms of the stage?
Or do I choose the new path laid before me?

Can't I have both?
What's wrong with that?
Thought I was Superwoman
But I forgot that I'm NOT.

I gave up my cape long ago
I gave up that path
I put away childish things
To have this, To have YOU.

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry I made you cry
This is so new to me
I forgot what it means to live for someone else
And not be SELFISH.

I'll be here, by your side
Holding onto your hand
I promise I'm letting go
And I'm walking away from it all.

For all of you...

You are who you are for a reason. By: Russell Kelfer

You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You're just what He wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

My heart's in a funny place right now.

Have you ever stared at your destiny right in the face? I did this weekend.

I would be in Los Angeles, CA today, but God intervined. My dear friend Ana moved there yesterday to pursue her dreams and I'm so proud of her.

I tried not to cry, but I couldn't help myself. I will miss her deeply.

May God keep her safe and full of peace and joy.

I was SUPPOSED to go with her. I was SUPPOSED to be an actress on the west coast. I was SUPPOSED to be single and an independent career woman. But like I said before, God intervined. I have no regrets. I have no doubts. I just have a place in my heart that is soft and in awe of God's work in my life.

If you want to see evidence of change, read my blogs from early September. I"m continuously getting used to me. My mom understood probably more than anyone in my life when I came to her the other night with my confusion. "It was a fast change. It happened so quickly," she said. And it did. This wasn't years of work, this was a mere matter of months for my heart to change like it did. And I'm completely left with my mouth gaping open.

I'm not sad right now. I'm just longing to be held by my amazing fiance. When I'm away from him, all I can do is think of when we will be together again. You see, that was MY dream long before acting came into the picture. A dream of having a family. A dream of falling love with the man of my dreams. Praise God for making this dream a reality for me!

On the good news list this week:

***There is a possibility I might have a job soon! It's at an orthodic (they sell orthopedics for people's shoes and whatnot) Dr. office in St. Louis where I would be working as a receptionist there. Scheduling appointments, answering phones, and talking to other Dr. offices. Keep me in your prayers. This job would offer me benefits and great pay. AND I'd get to work with adults! Something I have no idea about.

I really just wanted something to keep me busy while I'm awaiting marriage. I'm usually busy at night, but during the day, I'm ready to go crazy. It's been 2 months of this. And I'm ready for a change of pace...PLEASE!

It's funny because the wedding is pretty much already planned. Just the matter of paying for things and buying things. But the money isn't just going to come as soon as I snap my fingers. It's still gonna take a little while. *sigh*

That's about it. Just taking it one day at a time and getting used to the changes that come.

Peace & Love.

Searching from the inside...

So I've come to realize that I no longer can look to what I do to define who I am. I can't really claim to be an actress anymore. Because that would require me to work towards that identity every day. And frankly, I haven't done much to further my career in quite some time. It's not that I got lazy, I just had other things and experiences that became more important to me.

I guess above all, my time has been spent at Faith Church. And because of that lifestyle choice, I know more about what it means to be a Christian. I've totally submersed myself in the mentality of a Christian and the life-decisions and actions of a Christian. I know there is always more that I could do: read my Bible and pray for longer periods of time and stop criticizing how other Christians are doing on their walk. I want nothing more than to do good and help others.

I guess when nothing's wrong, I find myself (because of habit) looking for error, looking for lack. My finances could be better, but the money is on it's way. The perfect job is on it's way. I just need to do more about looking for it. Right now, I have 2 tutoring jobs and a nanny job on Fridays. It's enough to get me by. But I want to use more of my time to make an impact on someone's life.

*sigh*

Anyhoo. Life is at a good pace. Nothing sucking, nothing too crazy. I'm in love and enjoying each day.

Peace & Love.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...

Brrrr....it's cold outside!

Although Paul and I haven't seen much of each other over the course of the past 2 days because of the blistery weather, I have gotten some down-time for myself and have been able to catch up on my wedding planning and researching. Thumbs up for snow days!

I applied for another job today. As a teacher for La Petite Academy in Glen Carbon. If it's meant to be, it will be...I'm in no rush. God blessed me with another tutoring job today. :) His timing is forever perfect. I get paid $15 an hour to sit with gradeschool kids and help them with my favorite subjects: English and Reading. It's a blast and the rewards are wonderful! I love it when I hear that my students Aced their Social Studies test or raised their English grade from a D to a B! It makes me feel like I'm really making a difference. I've never had that satisfaction with acting before. It's pretty cool.

I got some price quotes from catering and banquet centers today, called about my wedding dress, and took care of some student loan biz-nazz. A pretty productive day compared to most days since November. You betcha.

I guess being away from Paul for the first time in MONTHS gets to me from time to time. When the weather is crappy, Arnold, MO seems sooooo far away. I spend most of my time with him and share conversation after conversation with this man. He truly has become my best friend. I got a good deal out of this whole soul-mate thing. :) I guess these past 2 days away from him really allows for it all to sink in how much I love him and how much he means to me. Next Thursday marks 10 months until our wedding. Time goes by so fast, doesn't it?!

Well, that's all for now. Come watch Pastor Dave with me tonight at 7pm on Faith Church's website: http://www.faithchurchstlouis.com/secondary.php?pageid=26

Peace & Love.

Walking away from Self Admiration.

Called to Someone versus Something TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman 01-23-2009
"But the Lord said to Ananias, 'Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name'" (Acts 9:15-16)."

"Sometimes we can place the idea of calling too much on the thing we do versus the One we are called to serve. Paul said that he was "called to be an apostle." This has made some feel that if we each do not have a "special call" then we are second class citizens. Paul saw his calling like any other believer's call to salvation and obedience. We cannot negate the fact that God did call Paul in a dramatic encounter with the Lord that had broad significance to the rest of the Body of Christ. And, there are assignments that are going to impact the Body of Christ more than others. However, this is not the case for every believer and we should not feel slighted should we not have the same level of call. Every believer shares the same basic calling with Paul, "as a bondservant of Jesus Christ, among whom you also are the called of Jesus Christ," as he says in (Romans 1:6). Paul was saying to the Roman Christians their call was the same as his. They were not all apostles, but they were all "called of Jesus Christ." For most of us, God will work out His calling upon our lives in many different and varied ways. Like Paul and the rest of the New Testament Christians, we are all called with the same glorious calling and thus stand as equals before God."

These past few days have been exhausting. I have gotten into 2 arguments of great measure this week and afterwards I was left emotionally and spiritually drained. And both times, it had everything to do with my pride. You see, for years I have enjoyed performing. It became the center of my universe. So much so that I did not think much about anything else. I used to call it passion, but in all actuality it was obsession. I became Emily Rose Mollet-THE ACTRESS. I made such a huge deal about it. I became what I did instead of who I was. This mindset has followed me into my Christian walk because for 5 years, it was all I knew. God, my family, and sometimes even my friends came second. Theatre was my everything and when something didn't go my way (I didn't get the solo, I didn't get the part that I wanted, I wasn't cast at all, etc), it crushed me. I had nothing else that I relied on.

Now, I have such an amazing relationship with God, my family, and my Fiance. I have love. I give love and I receive it. Something Theatre (performing) could never do for me. I could love it (or obsess over it) all that I wanted, but it would never love me back. At church I participate in 2 ministries because of the performance abilities that God has given me. And from time to time, I question what I should get out of it because for years and years, theatre was for my self-gratification. It was MY therapy. Sure, if it put a smile on an audience member's face, that would just be a bonus. And now I'm learning how to use my talents for the reason He gave them to me to begin with. The messages in the dramas I perform have brought tears to people's eyes, brought them closer to Jesus, and have helped turn their lives around. I get satisfaction because of that, not because I feel like a superstar and I love the spotlight. Honestly, for the first time, I really could care less about the spotlight. I really don't care if anyone even knows my name. I just want to praise the Lord and change people's lives.

Now onto my second ministry...the youth band. I love singing. More than a lot of things in life. But above all, I love singing now because I love to worship God. I love losing myself in worship and using my voice to sing God's praises. And it took me a little while to get used to being in the background. I'm not the lead singer. I'm not the leader in this band. And from time to time, my pride gets in the way and I fight to figure out why I can't lead a song. But before I am allowed that, God wants me to get my motives right. I cannot have the "oh, look at me!" mentality. I must become a humble servant.

So I realized that even though God has blessed me with my performance abilities and I love performing, it doesn't mean I have to make those things my world, my life. He wants me to use those skills to help Him bring others closer to Him. That's why we are here. To love each other. To show each other God's love. And I get the opportunity to sing and act to praise Him and show others His love and mercy. The world has taken these precious talents and gifts and has used them for evil. Have used them to turn people further away from God. Hollywood is saturated in sin. It is saturated in pain. It is saturated in confusion. Why do you think marriages don't work very well out there? Because that business requires actors to make it their lives. They work those people to the bone. Horribly long hours, weekends, months shooting away from home. Sure, if you are single, this lifestyle would keep you super busy and keep your mind from realizing that you are ridiculously lonely. But for those of us who want to find love (and seriously, who doesn't want that?), it's not the best way to keep a relationship or marriage working. It makes you wonder why so many celebrities have checked into rehabs or have committed suicide. It's probably not the best business to find true love or peace. And if you can't find those 2 things, what is the point of living? Seriously. That Oscar that you hold in your hand, those pictures of shows you were in, those DVDs of your performances will remain here on Earth when you die. Sure, people will talk about you and your talent. They'll talk about that one movie you were in that was "alright." But I want people to remember me for all the people I helped live a happier, loving, and peaceful life. For helping people avoid depression or suffering.

So why are you here? How are you using your gifts He has given you? Don't just use them for your own pleasure or gain. Spread that love and joy.

Peace & Love.

Sweet sleep I ask of you...sweet sleep He gives unto me.

From Vive Alive (http://vivealive.blogspot.com/2008/11/sweet-sleep.html)

"The 2002 National Sleep Foundation (NSF) Sleep in America poll found that 74 percent of American adults are experiencing a sleeping problem a few nights a week or more, 39% get less than seven hours of sleep each weeknight.I wonder what is the statistics like for my nation especially with the current economic turmoil. Worry is definitely one of the reason for causing sleep disorder but there are other reasons that add to this condition.Good sleep is a basic necessity of life, as important to our health and well-being as air, food and water. When we sleep well, we wake up feeling refreshed, alert and ready to face daily challenges. When we don't, every part of our lives can suffer. Our jobs, relationships, productivity, health and safety are all put at risk. And lack of sleep due to sleep loss or sleep disorders is taking a serious toll. Proverbs 3:24 says "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." The Lord provides a way for us to have sweet sleep. Psalms 3:5 says "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me".In order for us to have a sweet sleep, the Bible gives us a little instruction in Psalms 4:4 that says "...when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent." How do we search our heart and be silent? I believe strongly this is a call for a time of devotion and prayer before sleep. Surrendering our worries, our cares and our troubles at the feet of Jesus will help us to have sweet sleep. Psalms 4:8 continues to elaborate on the outcome. The Psalmist says "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."

These bible verses are what have been the center of my life these past few nights. I didn't realize how much I would have to profess them on a nightly basis to rest up completely or even feel safe to close my eyes. You see, since my dad's death, I have been having these HORRIBLE nightmares where I wake up screaming and sweating profusely. You know, the kind of nightmares you used to have when you were a kid. These were bad. Not only scary, but emotionally draining and painful. And not only during the dream, but after I woke up. For the past 3 nights, I have been terrified to go back to sleep or even sit up in my room alone at night. I started to hear things and even see things in the corner of my eye. I realized that I was giving way to fear and letting that affect my faith in a bad way. "Fear tolerated is Faith contaminated," says Pastor Dave. I wanted sweet sleep; a sleep that never was broken throughout the night and a sleep that allowed me to wake up in the morning and not at 1:30pm. I hadn't had sweet sleep in quite some time and I was letting my mind play terrible tricks on me. I would not stand for it any longer. I've come too far to let my faith be shaken like this.

So last night, I prayed not only at church about having sweet sleep, but before I went to bed. I declared to the enemy that "I would NOT allow my mind to control me and that I would have SWEET SLEEP in the name of JESUS." And I'm here to tell you that I did not awake one time, and even though I may have had an odd dream, it did not shake my faith. I fought that nightmare and my mind. And I had God on my side. He would not allow his child, his daughter, be awoken by any torment the enemy wanted to throw her way. I woke up well rested this morning at 9:30 and I am ready to start my day, praise God.

I guess I just wanted to share a story of my fight of faith. I realized last night that I never had a problem before with any of this because I was never a worry or problem to the enemy. I was never fully on God's side. I had one foot in and one foot out for many years...maybe even my whole life. Now, with my full armor of God on, I'm a threat to the enemy. I'm serving, helping people, loving life, and telling others about God. And the enemy hates my guts. I know that I have to work that much harder every day to strengthen my relationship with God because sometimes I feel the pull in the other direction. I don't pray as much as I should, I don't read my Bible as much as I should, and it hasn't came easy to me yet. I'm still learning how to do this whole-heartedly. I come to church all the time and I'm a part of the youth band and drama team, but it's so much more than that. You have to put your whole self into it. You have to die to this world completely and become God's "good and faithful servant." That means, I need to talk to Him all the time. And I'm going to be honest with you, it hasn't been easy for me. But I'm working on it.

I hope you all have a blessed week.

Peace & Love.

i'M sooooo ExCiTeD!!!!!

So, I got up before 1pm today...I even got up before 10am today! I know, I know...that's sad that I have to rejoice about that, but I have been sleeping an awful lot since November. And it's not healthy to spend that much time in bed. I am not a lazy person. So no more sleeping in. The end.

So why am I so excited, you ask?

I found the most beautiful song EVER and I'm going to sing it to Paul at our wedding reception. It's suitable for the reception, after the wedding ceremoney, because it talks about being man and wife. During the ceremony, we obviously aren't married yet, so it wouldn't make much sense. Paul's little bro Keith (also his best man in the wedding) plays the guitar and I found the guitar tabs online, so I'm gonna see if he can play it on acoustic. I'm not sure if he ever plays on the acoustic, but we've got about 11 months to pull it together. I'm soooo excited to get a chance to sing to him. I've always wanted to sing to my husband at our wedding. Always. I'd always joke around and think about breaking out in Linda Ronstandt's "Somewhere Out There" but this one is gonna be a serious song sung by Emily. It was featured on One Tree Hill, which is kinda funny in itself, but most of those shows feature really great music. It's a really awesome folkish/acoustic sounding song, which is my fave kind of song. I'm gonna keep it on the DL for a little while until it gets closer to the wedding and hopefully someone will record it on our wedding day and I can post it on here or on youtube or something. I seriously started singing it this morning, looking at his picture and my eyes started welling up really bad. I'm sure if I'm standing right by him, looking to his eyes, after we have just gotten married, I'm gonna be hanging on by a string trying to get through it.

As far as wedding planning goes, we are checking so many things off of our list left and right. We talked to Pastor last night (after our marriage bible study at church, which was a blast!) and he of course agreed to marry us. So now we have a minister and a church! Awesome! We have narrowed down our search for a vocalist, reception hall/caterer, bakery, invitations, color scheme, my wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, flower girl basket and dress, center piece ideas, and hopefully a photographer (a friend of a friend). If you can't tell, the wedding is pretty much planned. I even found the wedding band I'd like to get him that matches mine pretty well with the white and yellow gold. I knew it wouldn't take us long, especially when I've been planning this thing since I was about 5 years old. Every girl dreams of her wedding. Barbie role-playing and all.

Anyway, I'm having a blessed day and I hope you are too! It was so lovely to wake up to the sun shining through my windows this morning...that hasn't happened in awhile. Maybe that is why I've been in the mood I have been in lately...the weather....who knows. Life is wonderful. The end.

Peace & Love my lovelies. :)

Could this explain your life?

Margin or Marginless? by Rick Warren

"God, listen to me shout, bend an ear to my prayer… You’ve always given me breathing room, a place to get away from it all." Psalm 61:1, 3 (MSG)

A lot of people are on overload and headed for a crash.

Consider these statistics:

*People now sleep 2½ fewer hours each night than people did a hundred years ago.

*The average work week is longer now than it was in the 1960s. · The average office worker has 36 hours of work piled up on his or her desk. It takes us three hours a week just to sort through it and find what we need.

*We spend eight months of our lives opening junk mail, two years of our lives playing phone tag with people, and five years waiting for people who are late for meetings.

At least in the U.S., we’re a piled-on, stretched-to-the limit society that is chronically rushed, chronically late, and chronically exhausted. Many of us feel like Job did when he said, “I have no peace! I have no quiet! I have no rest! And trouble keeps coming” (Job 3:26 GWT). Overload comes when we have too much activity in our lives, too much change, too many choices, too much work, too much debt, too much media exposure.

We’re stressed by information overload; we’re stressed by accessibility overload – we’re connected all the time. Simply put, we’re stressed by the pace of life. Is there a solution? Yes. The solution is to put some margin into your life. Margin is breathing room. It’s keeping a little reserve that you’re not using up. It’s not going from one meeting to the next to the next with no space in between. Margin is the space betweenyour load and yourlimit. But most of us are far more overloaded than we can handle, and there is no margin for error in our lives.

Dr. Richard Swenson, MD says this: “The conditions of modern day living devour margin. If you’re homeless we direct you to a shelter. If you’re penniless we offer you food stamps. If you’re breathless we connect you to oxygen. But if you’re marginless we give you one more thing to do. Marginless is being 30 minutes late to the doctor’s office because you were 20 minutes late getting out of the hairdresser because you were 10 minutes late dropping the children off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from a gas station and you forgot your purse. That’s marginless

Margin, on the other hand, is having breath at the top of the staircase, money at the end of the month, and sanity left over at the end of adolescence. Margin is grandma taking the baby for the afternoon. Margin is having a friend help carry the burden. Marginless is not having time to finish the book you’re reading on stress. Margin is having the time to read it twice. Marginless is our culture. Margin is counter-culture, having some space in your life and schedule. Marginless is the disease of our decade and margin is the cure.

I got done reading this and the one thing that stuck out to me what the definition of margin in adolesence..."[having enough] sanity left over." I think that was my problem right from the get-go. I was doomed from the minute I started college. It's sad, but true. I didn't have any sanity left because of my marginless lifestyle. Meeting after meeting, rehearsal after rehearsal, project after project, and class after class. It's taken these past 6 months for me to regain those years and years of lost time. Lost time wasted on worrying and panic and hurried tendancies. I still battle anxiety/panic attacks and stress because I'm a perfectionist and I'm a goal-oriented person who wants to make sure her goals are acheived at every nano-second of the day. But because my life-pace slowed down, I HAD TO learn how to slow down my body and mind. This helped reduce my frequent stress attacks and it has been such a blessing to my life.

Pastor Dave's message really hit home last night. First and foremost, he told us to "quite whining and crying and SHUT UP!" We get so wrapped up in what's going on in the natural around us that we completely forget what God is doing SUPERnaturally inside of us. "Change isn't change until you've CHANGED!"Pastor shouted. And if anyone knows me even a little bit, they'd notice that I have changed and that my life is huge evidence of that. Yesterday celebrated 6 months that I have been attending Faith Church. And in those 6 months, I have grown by leaps and bounds. If I could even explain to you how whole I feel, how fulfilled I have become since attending this church, you'd think I won the lottery. And it's funny because I have won the lottery...not in the world's system, but in God's. I learned how to listen to Him and my life is proof of that. In the 6 months I've been there, I have strengthened my relationship with my family, grown deeper in my faith in ways I didn't know were possible, forgiven so many people from my past who've hurt me, let go of terrible habits, overcame the most terrifying, emotionally-filled month of my life, found my purpose in the world, fell in love, got ENGAGED, and truly learned the meaning of obedient tything...which I believe, with all of my heart, lead to my amazing sum of inheritence. And that part is going swimmingly...it's just the matter of a few weeks that I will be completely free of debt to anyone and will be able to pay in FULL my wedding expenses. I will be able to pay CASH for everything...no credit cards! Yes, that came with a price. I had to lose my dad to a terrible act of violence, but as always, God turned something horrible into something wonderful. All in his timing.

So I guess what this entry is about may not fully pertain to you, but I'm sure you can find some meaning in it if you look closely.

SLOW DOWN. Take the time to acknowledge your creator. Do you think you just popped into thin air? Even if you believe in evolution...who do you think sparked anything to happen on this Earth to begin with? You were created by someone bigger than you. Let that sink in for a minute. Even if you aren't religious, know that life is bigger than little old you. Take time to smell the crisp winter air or truly look at your surroundings. Give yourself a break every now and then. You'd be suprised at how well you get to know yourself when you take just a little time for breathing room.

Peace & Love.