So I've come to realize that I no longer can look to what I do to define who I am. I can't really claim to be an actress anymore. Because that would require me to work towards that identity every day. And frankly, I haven't done much to further my career in quite some time. It's not that I got lazy, I just had other things and experiences that became more important to me.
I guess above all, my time has been spent at Faith Church. And because of that lifestyle choice, I know more about what it means to be a Christian. I've totally submersed myself in the mentality of a Christian and the life-decisions and actions of a Christian. I know there is always more that I could do: read my Bible and pray for longer periods of time and stop criticizing how other Christians are doing on their walk. I want nothing more than to do good and help others.
I guess when nothing's wrong, I find myself (because of habit) looking for error, looking for lack. My finances could be better, but the money is on it's way. The perfect job is on it's way. I just need to do more about looking for it. Right now, I have 2 tutoring jobs and a nanny job on Fridays. It's enough to get me by. But I want to use more of my time to make an impact on someone's life.
*sigh*
Anyhoo. Life is at a good pace. Nothing sucking, nothing too crazy. I'm in love and enjoying each day.
Peace & Love.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow...
Brrrr....it's cold outside!Although Paul and I haven't seen much of each other over the course of the past 2 days because of the blistery weather, I have gotten some down-time for myself and have been able to catch up on my wedding planning and researching. Thumbs up for snow days!
I applied for another job today. As a teacher for La Petite Academy in Glen Carbon. If it's meant to be, it will be...I'm in no rush. God blessed me with another tutoring job today. :) His timing is forever perfect. I get paid $15 an hour to sit with gradeschool kids and help them with my favorite subjects: English and Reading. It's a blast and the rewards are wonderful! I love it when I hear that my students Aced their Social Studies test or raised their English grade from a D to a B! It makes me feel like I'm really making a difference. I've never had that satisfaction with acting before. It's pretty cool.
I got some price quotes from catering and banquet centers today, called about my wedding dress, and took care of some student loan biz-nazz. A pretty productive day compared to most days since November. You betcha.
I guess being away from Paul for the first time in MONTHS gets to me from time to time. When the weather is crappy, Arnold, MO seems sooooo far away. I spend most of my time with him and share conversation after conversation with this man. He truly has become my best friend. I got a good deal out of this whole soul-mate thing. :) I guess these past 2 days away from him really allows for it all to sink in how much I love him and how much he means to me. Next Thursday marks 10 months until our wedding. Time goes by so fast, doesn't it?!
Well, that's all for now. Come watch Pastor Dave with me tonight at 7pm on Faith Church's website: http://www.faithchurchstlouis.com/secondary.php?pageid=26
Peace & Love.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Walking away from Self Admiration.
Called to Someone versus Something TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman 01-23-2009
"But the Lord said to Ananias, 'Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name'" (Acts 9:15-16)."
"Sometimes we can place the idea of calling too much on the thing we do versus the One we are called to serve. Paul said that he was "called to be an apostle." This has made some feel that if we each do not have a "special call" then we are second class citizens. Paul saw his calling like any other believer's call to salvation and obedience. We cannot negate the fact that God did call Paul in a dramatic encounter with the Lord that had broad significance to the rest of the Body of Christ. And, there are assignments that are going to impact the Body of Christ more than others. However, this is not the case for every believer and we should not feel slighted should we not have the same level of call. Every believer shares the same basic calling with Paul, "as a bondservant of Jesus Christ, among whom you also are the called of Jesus Christ," as he says in (Romans 1:6). Paul was saying to the Roman Christians their call was the same as his. They were not all apostles, but they were all "called of Jesus Christ." For most of us, God will work out His calling upon our lives in many different and varied ways. Like Paul and the rest of the New Testament Christians, we are all called with the same glorious calling and thus stand as equals before God."
These past few days have been exhausting. I have gotten into 2 arguments of great measure this week and afterwards I was left emotionally and spiritually drained. And both times, it had everything to do with my pride. You see, for years I have enjoyed performing. It became the center of my universe. So much so that I did not think much about anything else. I used to call it passion, but in all actuality it was obsession. I became Emily Rose Mollet-THE ACTRESS. I made such a huge deal about it. I became what I did instead of who I was. This mindset has followed me into my Christian walk because for 5 years, it was all I knew. God, my family, and sometimes even my friends came second. Theatre was my everything and when something didn't go my way (I didn't get the solo, I didn't get the part that I wanted, I wasn't cast at all, etc), it crushed me. I had nothing else that I relied on.
Now, I have such an amazing relationship with God, my family, and my Fiance. I have love. I give love and I receive it. Something Theatre (performing) could never do for me. I could love it (or obsess over it) all that I wanted, but it would never love me back. At church I participate in 2 ministries because of the performance abilities that God has given me. And from time to time, I question what I should get out of it because for years and years, theatre was for my self-gratification. It was MY therapy. Sure, if it put a smile on an audience member's face, that would just be a bonus. And now I'm learning how to use my talents for the reason He gave them to me to begin with. The messages in the dramas I perform have brought tears to people's eyes, brought them closer to Jesus, and have helped turn their lives around. I get satisfaction because of that, not because I feel like a superstar and I love the spotlight. Honestly, for the first time, I really could care less about the spotlight. I really don't care if anyone even knows my name. I just want to praise the Lord and change people's lives.
Now onto my second ministry...the youth band. I love singing. More than a lot of things in life. But above all, I love singing now because I love to worship God. I love losing myself in worship and using my voice to sing God's praises. And it took me a little while to get used to being in the background. I'm not the lead singer. I'm not the leader in this band. And from time to time, my pride gets in the way and I fight to figure out why I can't lead a song. But before I am allowed that, God wants me to get my motives right. I cannot have the "oh, look at me!" mentality. I must become a humble servant.
So I realized that even though God has blessed me with my performance abilities and I love performing, it doesn't mean I have to make those things my world, my life. He wants me to use those skills to help Him bring others closer to Him. That's why we are here. To love each other. To show each other God's love. And I get the opportunity to sing and act to praise Him and show others His love and mercy. The world has taken these precious talents and gifts and has used them for evil. Have used them to turn people further away from God. Hollywood is saturated in sin. It is saturated in pain. It is saturated in confusion. Why do you think marriages don't work very well out there? Because that business requires actors to make it their lives. They work those people to the bone. Horribly long hours, weekends, months shooting away from home. Sure, if you are single, this lifestyle would keep you super busy and keep your mind from realizing that you are ridiculously lonely. But for those of us who want to find love (and seriously, who doesn't want that?), it's not the best way to keep a relationship or marriage working. It makes you wonder why so many celebrities have checked into rehabs or have committed suicide. It's probably not the best business to find true love or peace. And if you can't find those 2 things, what is the point of living? Seriously. That Oscar that you hold in your hand, those pictures of shows you were in, those DVDs of your performances will remain here on Earth when you die. Sure, people will talk about you and your talent. They'll talk about that one movie you were in that was "alright." But I want people to remember me for all the people I helped live a happier, loving, and peaceful life. For helping people avoid depression or suffering.
So why are you here? How are you using your gifts He has given you? Don't just use them for your own pleasure or gain. Spread that love and joy.
Peace & Love.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Sweet sleep I ask of you...sweet sleep He gives unto me.
From Vive Alive (http://vivealive.blogspot.com/2008/11/sweet-sleep.html)
"The 2002 National Sleep Foundation (NSF) Sleep in America poll found that 74 percent of American adults are experiencing a sleeping problem a few nights a week or more, 39% get less than seven hours of sleep each weeknight.I wonder what is the statistics like for my nation especially with the current economic turmoil. Worry is definitely one of the reason for causing sleep disorder but there are other reasons that add to this condition.Good sleep is a basic necessity of life, as important to our health and well-being as air, food and water. When we sleep well, we wake up feeling refreshed, alert and ready to face daily challenges. When we don't, every part of our lives can suffer. Our jobs, relationships, productivity, health and safety are all put at risk. And lack of sleep due to sleep loss or sleep disorders is taking a serious toll. Proverbs 3:24 says "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." The Lord provides a way for us to have sweet sleep. Psalms 3:5 says "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me".In order for us to have a sweet sleep, the Bible gives us a little instruction in Psalms 4:4 that says "...when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent." How do we search our heart and be silent? I believe strongly this is a call for a time of devotion and prayer before sleep. Surrendering our worries, our cares and our troubles at the feet of Jesus will help us to have sweet sleep. Psalms 4:8 continues to elaborate on the outcome. The Psalmist says "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."
These bible verses are what have been the center of my life these past few nights. I didn't realize how much I would have to profess them on a nightly basis to rest up completely or even feel safe to close my eyes. You see, since my dad's death, I have been having these HORRIBLE nightmares where I wake up screaming and sweating profusely. You know, the kind of nightmares you used to have when you were a kid. These were bad. Not only scary, but emotionally draining and painful. And not only during the dream, but after I woke up. For the past 3 nights, I have been terrified to go back to sleep or even sit up in my room alone at night. I started to hear things and even see things in the corner of my eye. I realized that I was giving way to fear and letting that affect my faith in a bad way. "Fear tolerated is Faith contaminated," says Pastor Dave. I wanted sweet sleep; a sleep that never was broken throughout the night and a sleep that allowed me to wake up in the morning and not at 1:30pm. I hadn't had sweet sleep in quite some time and I was letting my mind play terrible tricks on me. I would not stand for it any longer. I've come too far to let my faith be shaken like this.
So last night, I prayed not only at church about having sweet sleep, but before I went to bed. I declared to the enemy that "I would NOT allow my mind to control me and that I would have SWEET SLEEP in the name of JESUS." And I'm here to tell you that I did not awake one time, and even though I may have had an odd dream, it did not shake my faith. I fought that nightmare and my mind. And I had God on my side. He would not allow his child, his daughter, be awoken by any torment the enemy wanted to throw her way. I woke up well rested this morning at 9:30 and I am ready to start my day, praise God.
I guess I just wanted to share a story of my fight of faith. I realized last night that I never had a problem before with any of this because I was never a worry or problem to the enemy. I was never fully on God's side. I had one foot in and one foot out for many years...maybe even my whole life. Now, with my full armor of God on, I'm a threat to the enemy. I'm serving, helping people, loving life, and telling others about God. And the enemy hates my guts. I know that I have to work that much harder every day to strengthen my relationship with God because sometimes I feel the pull in the other direction. I don't pray as much as I should, I don't read my Bible as much as I should, and it hasn't came easy to me yet. I'm still learning how to do this whole-heartedly. I come to church all the time and I'm a part of the youth band and drama team, but it's so much more than that. You have to put your whole self into it. You have to die to this world completely and become God's "good and faithful servant." That means, I need to talk to Him all the time. And I'm going to be honest with you, it hasn't been easy for me. But I'm working on it.
I hope you all have a blessed week.
Peace & Love.
"The 2002 National Sleep Foundation (NSF) Sleep in America poll found that 74 percent of American adults are experiencing a sleeping problem a few nights a week or more, 39% get less than seven hours of sleep each weeknight.I wonder what is the statistics like for my nation especially with the current economic turmoil. Worry is definitely one of the reason for causing sleep disorder but there are other reasons that add to this condition.Good sleep is a basic necessity of life, as important to our health and well-being as air, food and water. When we sleep well, we wake up feeling refreshed, alert and ready to face daily challenges. When we don't, every part of our lives can suffer. Our jobs, relationships, productivity, health and safety are all put at risk. And lack of sleep due to sleep loss or sleep disorders is taking a serious toll. Proverbs 3:24 says "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." The Lord provides a way for us to have sweet sleep. Psalms 3:5 says "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me".In order for us to have a sweet sleep, the Bible gives us a little instruction in Psalms 4:4 that says "...when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent." How do we search our heart and be silent? I believe strongly this is a call for a time of devotion and prayer before sleep. Surrendering our worries, our cares and our troubles at the feet of Jesus will help us to have sweet sleep. Psalms 4:8 continues to elaborate on the outcome. The Psalmist says "I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."
These bible verses are what have been the center of my life these past few nights. I didn't realize how much I would have to profess them on a nightly basis to rest up completely or even feel safe to close my eyes. You see, since my dad's death, I have been having these HORRIBLE nightmares where I wake up screaming and sweating profusely. You know, the kind of nightmares you used to have when you were a kid. These were bad. Not only scary, but emotionally draining and painful. And not only during the dream, but after I woke up. For the past 3 nights, I have been terrified to go back to sleep or even sit up in my room alone at night. I started to hear things and even see things in the corner of my eye. I realized that I was giving way to fear and letting that affect my faith in a bad way. "Fear tolerated is Faith contaminated," says Pastor Dave. I wanted sweet sleep; a sleep that never was broken throughout the night and a sleep that allowed me to wake up in the morning and not at 1:30pm. I hadn't had sweet sleep in quite some time and I was letting my mind play terrible tricks on me. I would not stand for it any longer. I've come too far to let my faith be shaken like this.
So last night, I prayed not only at church about having sweet sleep, but before I went to bed. I declared to the enemy that "I would NOT allow my mind to control me and that I would have SWEET SLEEP in the name of JESUS." And I'm here to tell you that I did not awake one time, and even though I may have had an odd dream, it did not shake my faith. I fought that nightmare and my mind. And I had God on my side. He would not allow his child, his daughter, be awoken by any torment the enemy wanted to throw her way. I woke up well rested this morning at 9:30 and I am ready to start my day, praise God.
I guess I just wanted to share a story of my fight of faith. I realized last night that I never had a problem before with any of this because I was never a worry or problem to the enemy. I was never fully on God's side. I had one foot in and one foot out for many years...maybe even my whole life. Now, with my full armor of God on, I'm a threat to the enemy. I'm serving, helping people, loving life, and telling others about God. And the enemy hates my guts. I know that I have to work that much harder every day to strengthen my relationship with God because sometimes I feel the pull in the other direction. I don't pray as much as I should, I don't read my Bible as much as I should, and it hasn't came easy to me yet. I'm still learning how to do this whole-heartedly. I come to church all the time and I'm a part of the youth band and drama team, but it's so much more than that. You have to put your whole self into it. You have to die to this world completely and become God's "good and faithful servant." That means, I need to talk to Him all the time. And I'm going to be honest with you, it hasn't been easy for me. But I'm working on it.
I hope you all have a blessed week.
Peace & Love.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
i'M sooooo ExCiTeD!!!!!
So, I got up before 1pm today...I even got up before 10am today! I know, I know...that's sad that I have to rejoice about that, but I have been sleeping an awful lot since November. And it's not healthy to spend that much time in bed. I am not a lazy person. So no more sleeping in. The end.
So why am I so excited, you ask?
I found the most beautiful song EVER and I'm going to sing it to Paul at our wedding reception. It's suitable for the reception, after the wedding ceremoney, because it talks about being man and wife. During the ceremony, we obviously aren't married yet, so it wouldn't make much sense. Paul's little bro Keith (also his best man in the wedding) plays the guitar and I found the guitar tabs online, so I'm gonna see if he can play it on acoustic. I'm not sure if he ever plays on the acoustic, but we've got about 11 months to pull it together. I'm soooo excited to get a chance to sing to him. I've always wanted to sing to my husband at our wedding. Always. I'd always joke around and think about breaking out in Linda Ronstandt's "Somewhere Out There" but this one is gonna be a serious song sung by Emily. It was featured on One Tree Hill, which is kinda funny in itself, but most of those shows feature really great music. It's a really awesome folkish/acoustic sounding song, which is my fave kind of song. I'm gonna keep it on the DL for a little while until it gets closer to the wedding and hopefully someone will record it on our wedding day and I can post it on here or on youtube or something. I seriously started singing it this morning, looking at his picture and my eyes started welling up really bad. I'm sure if I'm standing right by him, looking to his eyes, after we have just gotten married, I'm gonna be hanging on by a string trying to get through it.
As far as wedding planning goes, we are checking so many things off of our list left and right. We talked to Pastor last night (after our marriage bible study at church, which was a blast!) and he of course agreed to marry us. So now we have a minister and a church! Awesome! We have narrowed down our search for a vocalist, reception hall/caterer, bakery, invitations, color scheme, my wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, flower girl basket and dress, center piece ideas, and hopefully a photographer (a friend of a friend). If you can't tell, the wedding is pretty much planned. I even found the wedding band I'd like to get him that matches mine pretty well with the white and yellow gold. I knew it wouldn't take us long, especially when I've been planning this thing since I was about 5 years old. Every girl dreams of her wedding. Barbie role-playing and all.
Anyway, I'm having a blessed day and I hope you are too! It was so lovely to wake up to the sun shining through my windows this morning...that hasn't happened in awhile. Maybe that is why I've been in the mood I have been in lately...the weather....who knows. Life is wonderful. The end.
Peace & Love my lovelies. :)
So why am I so excited, you ask?
I found the most beautiful song EVER and I'm going to sing it to Paul at our wedding reception. It's suitable for the reception, after the wedding ceremoney, because it talks about being man and wife. During the ceremony, we obviously aren't married yet, so it wouldn't make much sense. Paul's little bro Keith (also his best man in the wedding) plays the guitar and I found the guitar tabs online, so I'm gonna see if he can play it on acoustic. I'm not sure if he ever plays on the acoustic, but we've got about 11 months to pull it together. I'm soooo excited to get a chance to sing to him. I've always wanted to sing to my husband at our wedding. Always. I'd always joke around and think about breaking out in Linda Ronstandt's "Somewhere Out There" but this one is gonna be a serious song sung by Emily. It was featured on One Tree Hill, which is kinda funny in itself, but most of those shows feature really great music. It's a really awesome folkish/acoustic sounding song, which is my fave kind of song. I'm gonna keep it on the DL for a little while until it gets closer to the wedding and hopefully someone will record it on our wedding day and I can post it on here or on youtube or something. I seriously started singing it this morning, looking at his picture and my eyes started welling up really bad. I'm sure if I'm standing right by him, looking to his eyes, after we have just gotten married, I'm gonna be hanging on by a string trying to get through it.
As far as wedding planning goes, we are checking so many things off of our list left and right. We talked to Pastor last night (after our marriage bible study at church, which was a blast!) and he of course agreed to marry us. So now we have a minister and a church! Awesome! We have narrowed down our search for a vocalist, reception hall/caterer, bakery, invitations, color scheme, my wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, flower girl basket and dress, center piece ideas, and hopefully a photographer (a friend of a friend). If you can't tell, the wedding is pretty much planned. I even found the wedding band I'd like to get him that matches mine pretty well with the white and yellow gold. I knew it wouldn't take us long, especially when I've been planning this thing since I was about 5 years old. Every girl dreams of her wedding. Barbie role-playing and all.
Anyway, I'm having a blessed day and I hope you are too! It was so lovely to wake up to the sun shining through my windows this morning...that hasn't happened in awhile. Maybe that is why I've been in the mood I have been in lately...the weather....who knows. Life is wonderful. The end.
Peace & Love my lovelies. :)
Monday, January 5, 2009
Could this explain your life?
Margin or Marginless? by Rick Warren
"God, listen to me shout, bend an ear to my prayer… You’ve always given me breathing room, a place to get away from it all." Psalm 61:1, 3 (MSG)
A lot of people are on overload and headed for a crash.
Consider these statistics:
*People now sleep 2½ fewer hours each night than people did a hundred years ago.
*The average work week is longer now than it was in the 1960s. · The average office worker has 36 hours of work piled up on his or her desk. It takes us three hours a week just to sort through it and find what we need.
*We spend eight months of our lives opening junk mail, two years of our lives playing phone tag with people, and five years waiting for people who are late for meetings.
At least in the U.S., we’re a piled-on, stretched-to-the limit society that is chronically rushed, chronically late, and chronically exhausted. Many of us feel like Job did when he said, “I have no peace! I have no quiet! I have no rest! And trouble keeps coming” (Job 3:26 GWT). Overload comes when we have too much activity in our lives, too much change, too many choices, too much work, too much debt, too much media exposure.
We’re stressed by information overload; we’re stressed by accessibility overload – we’re connected all the time. Simply put, we’re stressed by the pace of life. Is there a solution? Yes. The solution is to put some margin into your life. Margin is breathing room. It’s keeping a little reserve that you’re not using up. It’s not going from one meeting to the next to the next with no space in between. Margin is the space betweenyour load and yourlimit. But most of us are far more overloaded than we can handle, and there is no margin for error in our lives.
Dr. Richard Swenson, MD says this: “The conditions of modern day living devour margin. If you’re homeless we direct you to a shelter. If you’re penniless we offer you food stamps. If you’re breathless we connect you to oxygen. But if you’re marginless we give you one more thing to do. Marginless is being 30 minutes late to the doctor’s office because you were 20 minutes late getting out of the hairdresser because you were 10 minutes late dropping the children off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from a gas station and you forgot your purse. That’s marginless
Margin, on the other hand, is having breath at the top of the staircase, money at the end of the month, and sanity left over at the end of adolescence. Margin is grandma taking the baby for the afternoon. Margin is having a friend help carry the burden. Marginless is not having time to finish the book you’re reading on stress. Margin is having the time to read it twice. Marginless is our culture. Margin is counter-culture, having some space in your life and schedule. Marginless is the disease of our decade and margin is the cure.
I got done reading this and the one thing that stuck out to me what the definition of margin in adolesence..."[having enough] sanity left over." I think that was my problem right from the get-go. I was doomed from the minute I started college. It's sad, but true. I didn't have any sanity left because of my marginless lifestyle. Meeting after meeting, rehearsal after rehearsal, project after project, and class after class. It's taken these past 6 months for me to regain those years and years of lost time. Lost time wasted on worrying and panic and hurried tendancies. I still battle anxiety/panic attacks and stress because I'm a perfectionist and I'm a goal-oriented person who wants to make sure her goals are acheived at every nano-second of the day. But because my life-pace slowed down, I HAD TO learn how to slow down my body and mind. This helped reduce my frequent stress attacks and it has been such a blessing to my life.
Pastor Dave's message really hit home last night. First and foremost, he told us to "quite whining and crying and SHUT UP!" We get so wrapped up in what's going on in the natural around us that we completely forget what God is doing SUPERnaturally inside of us. "Change isn't change until you've CHANGED!"Pastor shouted. And if anyone knows me even a little bit, they'd notice that I have changed and that my life is huge evidence of that. Yesterday celebrated 6 months that I have been attending Faith Church. And in those 6 months, I have grown by leaps and bounds. If I could even explain to you how whole I feel, how fulfilled I have become since attending this church, you'd think I won the lottery. And it's funny because I have won the lottery...not in the world's system, but in God's. I learned how to listen to Him and my life is proof of that. In the 6 months I've been there, I have strengthened my relationship with my family, grown deeper in my faith in ways I didn't know were possible, forgiven so many people from my past who've hurt me, let go of terrible habits, overcame the most terrifying, emotionally-filled month of my life, found my purpose in the world, fell in love, got ENGAGED, and truly learned the meaning of obedient tything...which I believe, with all of my heart, lead to my amazing sum of inheritence. And that part is going swimmingly...it's just the matter of a few weeks that I will be completely free of debt to anyone and will be able to pay in FULL my wedding expenses. I will be able to pay CASH for everything...no credit cards! Yes, that came with a price. I had to lose my dad to a terrible act of violence, but as always, God turned something horrible into something wonderful. All in his timing.
So I guess what this entry is about may not fully pertain to you, but I'm sure you can find some meaning in it if you look closely.
SLOW DOWN. Take the time to acknowledge your creator. Do you think you just popped into thin air? Even if you believe in evolution...who do you think sparked anything to happen on this Earth to begin with? You were created by someone bigger than you. Let that sink in for a minute. Even if you aren't religious, know that life is bigger than little old you. Take time to smell the crisp winter air or truly look at your surroundings. Give yourself a break every now and then. You'd be suprised at how well you get to know yourself when you take just a little time for breathing room.
Peace & Love.
We’re stressed by information overload; we’re stressed by accessibility overload – we’re connected all the time. Simply put, we’re stressed by the pace of life. Is there a solution? Yes. The solution is to put some margin into your life. Margin is breathing room. It’s keeping a little reserve that you’re not using up. It’s not going from one meeting to the next to the next with no space in between. Margin is the space betweenyour load and yourlimit. But most of us are far more overloaded than we can handle, and there is no margin for error in our lives.
Dr. Richard Swenson, MD says this: “The conditions of modern day living devour margin. If you’re homeless we direct you to a shelter. If you’re penniless we offer you food stamps. If you’re breathless we connect you to oxygen. But if you’re marginless we give you one more thing to do. Marginless is being 30 minutes late to the doctor’s office because you were 20 minutes late getting out of the hairdresser because you were 10 minutes late dropping the children off at school because the car ran out of gas two blocks from a gas station and you forgot your purse. That’s marginless
Margin, on the other hand, is having breath at the top of the staircase, money at the end of the month, and sanity left over at the end of adolescence. Margin is grandma taking the baby for the afternoon. Margin is having a friend help carry the burden. Marginless is not having time to finish the book you’re reading on stress. Margin is having the time to read it twice. Marginless is our culture. Margin is counter-culture, having some space in your life and schedule. Marginless is the disease of our decade and margin is the cure.
I got done reading this and the one thing that stuck out to me what the definition of margin in adolesence..."[having enough] sanity left over." I think that was my problem right from the get-go. I was doomed from the minute I started college. It's sad, but true. I didn't have any sanity left because of my marginless lifestyle. Meeting after meeting, rehearsal after rehearsal, project after project, and class after class. It's taken these past 6 months for me to regain those years and years of lost time. Lost time wasted on worrying and panic and hurried tendancies. I still battle anxiety/panic attacks and stress because I'm a perfectionist and I'm a goal-oriented person who wants to make sure her goals are acheived at every nano-second of the day. But because my life-pace slowed down, I HAD TO learn how to slow down my body and mind. This helped reduce my frequent stress attacks and it has been such a blessing to my life.
Pastor Dave's message really hit home last night. First and foremost, he told us to "quite whining and crying and SHUT UP!" We get so wrapped up in what's going on in the natural around us that we completely forget what God is doing SUPERnaturally inside of us. "Change isn't change until you've CHANGED!"Pastor shouted. And if anyone knows me even a little bit, they'd notice that I have changed and that my life is huge evidence of that. Yesterday celebrated 6 months that I have been attending Faith Church. And in those 6 months, I have grown by leaps and bounds. If I could even explain to you how whole I feel, how fulfilled I have become since attending this church, you'd think I won the lottery. And it's funny because I have won the lottery...not in the world's system, but in God's. I learned how to listen to Him and my life is proof of that. In the 6 months I've been there, I have strengthened my relationship with my family, grown deeper in my faith in ways I didn't know were possible, forgiven so many people from my past who've hurt me, let go of terrible habits, overcame the most terrifying, emotionally-filled month of my life, found my purpose in the world, fell in love, got ENGAGED, and truly learned the meaning of obedient tything...which I believe, with all of my heart, lead to my amazing sum of inheritence. And that part is going swimmingly...it's just the matter of a few weeks that I will be completely free of debt to anyone and will be able to pay in FULL my wedding expenses. I will be able to pay CASH for everything...no credit cards! Yes, that came with a price. I had to lose my dad to a terrible act of violence, but as always, God turned something horrible into something wonderful. All in his timing.
So I guess what this entry is about may not fully pertain to you, but I'm sure you can find some meaning in it if you look closely.
SLOW DOWN. Take the time to acknowledge your creator. Do you think you just popped into thin air? Even if you believe in evolution...who do you think sparked anything to happen on this Earth to begin with? You were created by someone bigger than you. Let that sink in for a minute. Even if you aren't religious, know that life is bigger than little old you. Take time to smell the crisp winter air or truly look at your surroundings. Give yourself a break every now and then. You'd be suprised at how well you get to know yourself when you take just a little time for breathing room.
Peace & Love.
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