Walking away from Self Admiration.

Called to Someone versus Something TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman 01-23-2009
"But the Lord said to Ananias, 'Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name'" (Acts 9:15-16)."

"Sometimes we can place the idea of calling too much on the thing we do versus the One we are called to serve. Paul said that he was "called to be an apostle." This has made some feel that if we each do not have a "special call" then we are second class citizens. Paul saw his calling like any other believer's call to salvation and obedience. We cannot negate the fact that God did call Paul in a dramatic encounter with the Lord that had broad significance to the rest of the Body of Christ. And, there are assignments that are going to impact the Body of Christ more than others. However, this is not the case for every believer and we should not feel slighted should we not have the same level of call. Every believer shares the same basic calling with Paul, "as a bondservant of Jesus Christ, among whom you also are the called of Jesus Christ," as he says in (Romans 1:6). Paul was saying to the Roman Christians their call was the same as his. They were not all apostles, but they were all "called of Jesus Christ." For most of us, God will work out His calling upon our lives in many different and varied ways. Like Paul and the rest of the New Testament Christians, we are all called with the same glorious calling and thus stand as equals before God."

These past few days have been exhausting. I have gotten into 2 arguments of great measure this week and afterwards I was left emotionally and spiritually drained. And both times, it had everything to do with my pride. You see, for years I have enjoyed performing. It became the center of my universe. So much so that I did not think much about anything else. I used to call it passion, but in all actuality it was obsession. I became Emily Rose Mollet-THE ACTRESS. I made such a huge deal about it. I became what I did instead of who I was. This mindset has followed me into my Christian walk because for 5 years, it was all I knew. God, my family, and sometimes even my friends came second. Theatre was my everything and when something didn't go my way (I didn't get the solo, I didn't get the part that I wanted, I wasn't cast at all, etc), it crushed me. I had nothing else that I relied on.

Now, I have such an amazing relationship with God, my family, and my Fiance. I have love. I give love and I receive it. Something Theatre (performing) could never do for me. I could love it (or obsess over it) all that I wanted, but it would never love me back. At church I participate in 2 ministries because of the performance abilities that God has given me. And from time to time, I question what I should get out of it because for years and years, theatre was for my self-gratification. It was MY therapy. Sure, if it put a smile on an audience member's face, that would just be a bonus. And now I'm learning how to use my talents for the reason He gave them to me to begin with. The messages in the dramas I perform have brought tears to people's eyes, brought them closer to Jesus, and have helped turn their lives around. I get satisfaction because of that, not because I feel like a superstar and I love the spotlight. Honestly, for the first time, I really could care less about the spotlight. I really don't care if anyone even knows my name. I just want to praise the Lord and change people's lives.

Now onto my second ministry...the youth band. I love singing. More than a lot of things in life. But above all, I love singing now because I love to worship God. I love losing myself in worship and using my voice to sing God's praises. And it took me a little while to get used to being in the background. I'm not the lead singer. I'm not the leader in this band. And from time to time, my pride gets in the way and I fight to figure out why I can't lead a song. But before I am allowed that, God wants me to get my motives right. I cannot have the "oh, look at me!" mentality. I must become a humble servant.

So I realized that even though God has blessed me with my performance abilities and I love performing, it doesn't mean I have to make those things my world, my life. He wants me to use those skills to help Him bring others closer to Him. That's why we are here. To love each other. To show each other God's love. And I get the opportunity to sing and act to praise Him and show others His love and mercy. The world has taken these precious talents and gifts and has used them for evil. Have used them to turn people further away from God. Hollywood is saturated in sin. It is saturated in pain. It is saturated in confusion. Why do you think marriages don't work very well out there? Because that business requires actors to make it their lives. They work those people to the bone. Horribly long hours, weekends, months shooting away from home. Sure, if you are single, this lifestyle would keep you super busy and keep your mind from realizing that you are ridiculously lonely. But for those of us who want to find love (and seriously, who doesn't want that?), it's not the best way to keep a relationship or marriage working. It makes you wonder why so many celebrities have checked into rehabs or have committed suicide. It's probably not the best business to find true love or peace. And if you can't find those 2 things, what is the point of living? Seriously. That Oscar that you hold in your hand, those pictures of shows you were in, those DVDs of your performances will remain here on Earth when you die. Sure, people will talk about you and your talent. They'll talk about that one movie you were in that was "alright." But I want people to remember me for all the people I helped live a happier, loving, and peaceful life. For helping people avoid depression or suffering.

So why are you here? How are you using your gifts He has given you? Don't just use them for your own pleasure or gain. Spread that love and joy.

Peace & Love.