Going along with the changes, but not agreeing with it.

My eyes have been opened up to many new things lately...especially in regards to my faith and things surrounding the spiritual realm. Not to sound like a big ol' wack-job, but my life has gotten a little taste of things that are unseen and almost unspoken about. I've never believed in ghosts, but always knew that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against prinicipalities and rulers of darkness" as Apostle Paul put in in the Bible. So there are reasons for certain distasters and diseases and creepy feelings/noises in "haunted" houses. (none of which are from God). And when you die, your spirit does not linger here on Earth. There is no such thing as purgatory. You live in eternity in either heaven or hell. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Whether that be your job, your family, your life....

But the GREAT news is that God turns all of that around and uses it for GOOD!

Anyway, because of this new-found knowledge, my faith has grown stronger. Now that I know what we are up against, I know that I need to strengthen my faith and put on the full armor of God. We ARE in the mist of a spiritual warfare, whether you want to believe it or not. We must not walk by what we see, but what we believe to be true!

All this talk about thousands of teachers in the US loosing their jobs (around 17,000 just in IL) and the new healthcare reform bill, gets me thinking that one must look to something bigger than ourselves! We MUST! The government can't take care of us anymore. If they ever could. Heck, we are losing our freedom left and right. Our God is a god of more than enough and a god of over-abundance....these new changes in our society and government do not bring the word abundance to mind...well, not in the positive light any way.

And back to the teachers cut topic, I can now see why God had asked me to back down on going back to school to get certified to teach theatre. If we don't have enough money to fund a math teacher or an english teacher, how would we EVER have enough federal compensation for theatre?! Not to mention how much debt one gets into when they sign up for MORE student loans! I already owe close to $25,000 and I don't even use my degree completely at my job (how many more people can say that...come on you english lit majors!). But God will continue to take care of me even if my decision to attend college and study theatre was completely done selfishly and carelessly. I never took time to pray about it. I just did what FELT good. Faith isn't based on feelings, but I cannot kick myself any longer. What's done is done and I may not be where I am today if I didn't transfer schools or choose certain paths. Heck, I wouldn't have a testimony to share with others about how AMAZING our God is and was to me during that dark time of seperation from Him!

So...just letting certain topics sink in and not go around ignorant. I like to find answers to what is going on around us. Seek and ye shall find!

Peace&Love.

Mondays are...

blah when it is rainy and gloomy outside and you'd rather be at home cuddled in bed with your hubby.

But alas, this is not an option at this time of day.

Nope.

Found a new project to work on...I'm going to "blurb" our wedding album. I think it's much easier to display on a coffee table then a big ol' chunky photo album. I probably will find some way to use my scrapbooking skills to create a more "hands on" type of album, but I feel like I could definitely tell our story through pictures and words using this type of publishing tool. So, we'll see how much time it will take up. I'm not good a projects that take take time to complete. I like the kind that I can complete in one sitting. This will teach me patience and time management. :)

I realize how starving my artist side is lately. I have always thrived at picture collages and scrapbooking and creative writing: none of which I have done in a long time. And I miss it.

Need to find some time to try...

What projects are you working on in your spare time?

Feeling the love.

I knew Paul was different when he asked permission to kiss me. I knew Paul was different when he looked into my eyes and said "I can truly see myself growing old with you." on our 2nd date. I even knew he was different when he asked my parents for my hand in marriage the night before he proposed to me. And he stood out even more so when he gave me his wedding gift on the way to our reception...a notebook embossed with the words "Journey to Our Wedding" that he had been writing to me shortly after our engagement until the day of our wedding.

Paul proves his unique-ness every single day. No man has EVER treated me the way he does. He truly does love me like Christ loves the Church. With truth, compassion, and unconditional love.



These past few days have been kind of rough for me mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Probably biting off more than I can chew at the time being. So my body is attacking itself right now. My immune system is a lot stronger than it used to be; probably because of my faith. But for the past 3 days, I've wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep the days away. I had a coughing fit in the shower this morning and couldn't stop dry heaving...fun times. But I'm believing in a speedy recovery since my voice will HAVE TO be in tact for this weekend's services (adding 2 more services to the mix).



Any way, Paul has definitely taken care of me and gets the "Best Husband Ever" Award most definitely. :) From, cooking me dinner, to folding the laundry (which I know he HATES doing), to rubbin my feet...he's truly a God-send.


After my dry-heaving adventure this morning, I got to work and sat down at my desk and started my day. Around 10 am I got a delivery in which I had to sign for...

The card reads "Just thinking of you..."

And the simple words say it all because I know he is. As am I ALWAYS thinking of him and how I can show him my love.

I'm a girly girl and I like flowers and chocolate and love letters. Deep down inside, I believe, all women do (whether they want to admit it or not).

So I'm "feelin' the love" and I'm growing deeper in faith and love with Paul every day. Tonight is our mid-week night off together and I cannot wait. No distractions. Just us.

Man, I love him more than words can say.

ENOY THIS BEAUTIFUL WEATHER!!! SPRING IS ON IT'S WAY!!! :)

Peace&Love.

My heart grows soft...

I've been listening to a lot of Christian music lately. Luckily St. Louis is getting a stronger signal for Joy FM and it will soon reach 2.7 million people on 99.1 (the classical station we now know of). But I realized how God will speak to you through the lyrics of these songs. I find the Fireproof soundtrack hits home more often than not. "Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield and "The Words that I would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets are two that bring a tear to my eye everytime I hear them.

I can see God using this music to keep my heart tender. Tender towards myself, towards strangers, tender towards situations that are out of my control...

And boy do I need it!

I find myself getting really tense and on defense-mode when my hormones decide to go crazy once a month. I know every woman deals with this on many levels, but we should have some control over how we react when that time comes. This has been my biggest challenge the past few years. I've gotten much better over the past year. Not as many panic attacks or 'freak out' moments. That's good right? :) Not to say that I'm not tempted to go that direction. Believe me, there are some folks I come into contact that test my patience more than I would like.

But again, it's this music that I listen to on a daily basis that keeps my heart and head in check. And I find myself needing it more than before. I hear God asking me to "relax" and to stop thinking about the things that have gone WRONG and look for what is going RIGHT. To stop judging my progress with those around me. And the training that I received had me doing that ALL THE TIME! How can I be better than my competition? This is my "type"...how can I stand out above all of them and look more beautiful, be more talented? And then I try to understand why I'm comparing myself to everyone all the time. My degree forced me to do that every day. *Sigh*

Any way, I'm not my degree. I'm Emily. Made in God's image. That's it.

Peace&Love.

Enjoying the time in between.

When we have goals that we are striving to reach, the hardest part is the time in between. The waiting can sometimes drive us crazy and we seem to be moving so slowly towards our destination.

But the most important thing to do when you start getting antsy is to just stop and smell the roses so to speak. Enjoy this precious time! We get so wrapped up in where we want to be, that we forget this "molding/shaping" process God is doing on us!

Paul and I spent a majority of our relationship looking ahead. Of course we loved every minute spent planning the wedding, but our focus was CONSTANTLY on the preparation of December 5th. I had put so much time and effort in planning that wedding that the day itself was hard for me to enjoy. If I could have afforded it, I would have hired a wedding coordinator. But I had it in my mind that I didn't NEED a wedding planner. Which is partially true. I didn't need a PLANNER, but I surely could have used someone to act as the orchestrator for it all. That person ended up being me. I made it out alive, but a stressed out mess. By the end of the night, I was SO EXHAUSTED. Sadly, that word is a big understatement. Really happy and excited, but EXHAUSTED.

So that's my perfect example of missing out on the now...the present moment.

But here we are, almost 3 months of marriage and it's everything that I've wished, hoped, and prayed for. I get to be with my best friend at almost every single moment of the day and night! Maybe my slight bitterness towards my wedding day can be paralelled with what we would say in the theatre..."Bad dress rehearsal means PERFECT Opening Night!" LOL. I try not to talk about my wedding day experience because I may sound like a drama queen or a negative Nancy, but it's the hardest when I see all my friends getting the chance to plan their wedding and that day is approaching for them. There will always be some type of event in our lives that we wished we could try again, but when it comes down to it....I'M STILL MARRIED TO THE MAN OF MY DREAMS! AND NO MATTER WHAT OUR WEDDING DAY WAS LIKE I'M STILL MADLY, DEEPLY COMMITTED TO AND IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND!

Are there other women out there that sometime feel the same way? Did you absolutely love every single moment of your wedding day or did you have some mishaps take place that you wished didn't occur? Ex from my wedding: our DJ SUCKED! He didn't play any slow songs so there aren't any pictures of our parents dancing together. He didn't really announce the cutting of the cake, bouquet toss, or garter toss, so many people missed out. My friend Ana got caught in Christmas shopping traffic on the way to the reception so she didn't make her entrance with us. I was so frazzeled during the photo session at the church that I failed to realize that I needed a photo with the WHOLE wedding party, not just us separate. lol Paul's parents weren't present for photos (either mine or Paul's fault..who knows). My train bustle ripped in the car. Paul looked nervous in almost all of the pictures. I didn't decorate the hall as best as I could, but the night before I was maxed out and tired and couldn't help but say "screw it." lol I could list more but like I said, why be a negative nancy? WE'RE STILL MARRIED. Gotta tell myself that and not get jealous of other people's beautiful days. Our family always did put the FUN in dysfunctional.

Oh well. I need to just be happy with today. Not worry about yesterday and realize tomorrow will take care of itself with the help of my Heavenly Father. Probably just havin one of those days.