May God's Blessings continue to flow!!!

Things have really started to pick up speed in the last few days.

First off, I got the job! Thank you Jesus!!!! I will be managing the office at National Pedorthic Services in Creve Cour, MO. Nice pay and awesome benefits! I fly out to Milwaukee on the 15th to the corporate office for a week of training and then come back to StL for another week of training. I feel so professional to have a business trip for my job! :) And the amazing thing about this trip is that it is only 40 minutes away from Chicago...and I'm flying out on my friend Jenn's birthday so I'll get to see her when she turns the big 25! How perfect His timing is!

Next, a lot more wedding stuff is falling into place. And at a very uncostly way! :) Always good! My mom, Paul's mom, and a couple of my girls are gonna go looking for wedding dresses next weekend...can't wait to try them on! :) December will be here before I know it!

And last, but not least, I get my first ever brand NEW car (no miles, never ever touched before, no one else's butt ever in the seat) tonight after work...actually in a couple hours. I'll post some real pictures later, but here is the stock photo of it on the Hyundai website:

I'll most definitely have to prominently display my engagement ring when driving this sexy beast! Ow ow!

Everything is just working out. It's been a rough past few months, but the dawn is finally here! Paul and I are stronger than ever and enjoy every moment we get to spend together (which is rare outside of church funcitions Sunday-Thursday). We never take a millo-second for grant it. We had such a great time last night goofing around at White Castle after youth. I giggled and laughed so hard, I snorted.

I love that he's a big ol' dork like me! He'll let me pose him just to get a laugh. :) He's my favorite.

Anyway, life is good. Getting better every day. Things are new and different, not like the past several years of my life at all, but I'm really enjoying this new chapter. It's fun and very spontaneous.

I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend. Relax and enjoy life!

Peace & Love.

"Close the door, Emily."

"If people want to follow me, they must give up the things they want. They must be willing even to give up their lives to follow me.” Matthew 16:24

Yesterday was a day for enlightment from my heavenly Father...chapter 4, I think. Chapter 1 was "Don't Move to LA!" Chapter 2 was "Pursue Your Dream as a Wife." Chapter 3 was "Become a Teacher." But I seemed to misinterpret Chapter 3, I think. I figured that meant "go back to school, get certified to teach speech/theatre, Emily." But that was easy way to become a teacher for the world, not the Lord. Last night I was wrestling with the concept of where theatre fit into my life...the NEW chapter of my life. I realized that when I used to perform (outside of church), I became selfish, prideful, and overly-confident. Getting cast or receiving the compliments and good reviews made me feel good about myself. I always wanted more, but never felt satisfied. When theatre became the center of my life, I pushed God further and further away from my mind. I couldn't see myself teaching other students to seek that kind of self-centeredness and prideful existence. So I thought, "hmm...teaching English suits me better!"

But as I woke up this morning, I had this weird feeling in my stomach about going back to school for another 2 years. "More stress and more debt," I heard. I know that God doesn't want us to get further into debt because He's helping us get out of it by sending me this inheritence. For Paul and I to fiancially work this out, I'd have to work 9-5 and go to school at night until probably 11pm and not get home until midnight and very rarely get to see him or spend time with him at our 2nd home, Faith Church St. Louis. That doesn't sound like God's plan for me at all! So I think this new "enlightened chapter" goes likes this... Chapter 4: "Grow Deeper to Guide My Sheep." I am feeling pulled to teach for the Lord....as a leader in my church's ministry. I don't know how crazy that sounds to people who knew me or know me.

Your dominant gifts are Pastor/Shepherd, Showing Mercy, Administration

The results of your Spiritual Gifts Inventory indicate that your number one dominant gift is PASTORING/SHEPHERDING! The Greek word "poimen" means pastor. In Paul's spiritual gifts listing in Ephesians 4:11, this term is translated "pastor." Although the word "poimen" is translated pastor only one time in Scripture it is used sixteen additional times. The remaining sixteen are all translated "shepherd." Therefore, we are actually discussing the GIFT of shepherding, not the POSITION of pastor. Though a good pastor must have the gift of shepherding, everyone who has the gift of shepherding is not called to be pastor. The gift can be used in many positions in a church.
As a gifted shepherd, you have the Spirit-given capacity and desire to serve God by overseeing, training, and caring for the needs of a group of Christians. You are usually very patient, people-centered, and willing to spend time in prayer for others. You tend to be a "Jack of All and Master of ONE," meaning you are usually dominant in one of the speaking gifts (evangelist, prophet, teacher, exhorter) as well. You are often authoritative, more a leader than a follower, and expressive, composed, and sensitive. Your pleasing personality draws people to you.
You have a burden to see others learn and grow and are protective of those under your care. You want to present the whole Word of God and do not like to present the same materials more than once. You are willing to study what is necessary to feed your group and are more relationship oriented than task oriented. You are a peace-maker and diplomat - very tolerant of people's weaknesses. You tend to remember people's names and faces. You are more concerned with doing for others than others doing for you. You are faithful and devoted and may become a workaholic. You can become an all-purpose person in order to meet needs.
People with the gift of shepherding make the best Sunday school teachers and group leaders because their desire is to go beyond just teaching or leading, to shepherd and minister to the daily needs of their students. The position of Sunday school teacher or group leader is an extension of the pastoral ministry in the church. These groups should be shepherded on a small scale the same as the pastor shepherds the whole congregation on a large scale.
Be careful to involve other people; don't try to do it all yourself. Work on making people accountable. Do not be overly protective of your "flock." Because of these potentially weak areas, other people may think it is your job to do all the work; they rely too heavily on you. You may be expected to be available at all times, know all the answers, and be at every function. Learn when to say no.
Beware of Satan's attack on your gift. He will cause discouragement when the load gets heavy, and pride because your "sheep" look up to you. You may develop family problems because of too little time and attention. You may become selfish when "sheep" feed in other pastures.
HOW CAN YOU USE YOUR GIFT? This gift is a great help in many areas. You may serve as a Sunday school teacher, small group leader, pastor or assistant pastor, bus captain, special ministry leader (such as youth, children, men, etc.), nursery worker or as a half-way house or other type shelter volunteer. You may consider serving as a dormitory leader in a college, orphanage, children's home, etc. Scout troops would appreciate your assistance as a den leader.

I didn't make this decision based solely on this assessment. Actually, I took this assessment back in January when I still thought I was supposed to teach theatre. I took the assessment for my volunteer work at the church and I now realize that my passion for this ministry goes much deeper than just volunteering on Thursdays and Sundays. I want to be a shepardess for the rest of my life. I want to be a TEACHER for the Lord. Teach others about His Grace and Mercy.
I think when I chose God and His blessings along with that decision (Paul, new friends, an awesome church family, and a stronger relationship with my own family), my old involvement in theatre changed. I began to use my talents God blessed me with to praise Him, not myself. I sang for Him, danced for Him, and interpreted for Him through my acting skills. I've felt more accomplished using those gifts at Faith Church than any other place I've performed. And God isn't going to let my degree go to waste. I may have taken those matters into my own hands back in 2005, but He will use it for good. I believe I will continue to sing at Faith Church and praise Him, and I also believe I will eventually direct the dramas along with performing in them if they need me.

So I've never felt more at peace in my entire life. I know this new role I'm supposed to take on will not be happening right away. But I truly believe I will be in preparation for the next 2-3 years. I must grow deeper. I must learn more about God to eventually be able to tell others all about Him. I must learn more about His word. I must want to seek Him even when things get difficult. I believe this is going to be an amazing journey. And I'm ready for the ride!

Peace & Love.

Nothing I'd do would amount to anything without LOVE.

Yesterday's interview went very well. The Dr. who owns the office is friends with my mom and text her right after the interview and said "I LOVE EMILY!!!" So, I don't know about you, but I think it's in my favor and I'll have a new job in no time! :)

As soon as I got home, I began to make a budget (I crunched so many numbers my brain hurt) and planned things for the wedding. Paul and I realized that we care more about our marriage moreso than the actual wedding, so we see no reason to spend $10,000 on one day. Don't get me wrong, I am really excited about the wedding and it's gonna be a beautiful and special day, but it's kinda dumb to drop thousands of dollars for a mere 9 hours. So we're going to get married at Faith Church in Fenton and we're gonna make everyone drive 45 minutes to New Baden for the reception (where it will cost us nothing for the American Legion because my Gpa is a member there and the food will be under $2,000 instead of a regular $4,500 with a catering company). The drive alone will thin out the crowd, I'm sure. The ones that love us will make the drive no matter what. My step-dad is friends with a local DJ company and my mom is going to make the bouquets because she's Miss Crafty. The only things we have to worry about are my dress and accessories, photographer, decorations for the hall, invitations, the cake, and the donation for pastor. And some little odds and ends for the ceremony: candles, tulle for the chairs, and rose petals. All the big stuff that would cost a ton isn't gonna cost much at all.

I'm excited for some new purchases that I'll be making in the coming weeks. I'm keeping a lot of it on the DL until it actually happens. Let's just say I'm getting some new things for the first time. I'm friggin excited...to put it simply. :)

Anyway, this week went by soooo quickly. I am excited for the weekend because I get to spend it with Paul before he leaves me for a week. *Sigh*

Have a wonderful weekend.

Peace & Love.

We live, We love, We Forgive, and Never Give Up!

So Valentine's Day weekend was precious. That's about all I can call it! Friday Paul spent time with my step-dad working on his car and was at my house to greet me when I got off work at around 6pm. He told me he had a surprise for me and took me upstairs to propose to me all over again. :) I waited 5 and a half weeks to get my engagement ring back from getting it sized and now I can say that it's finally mine forever.

I gave him his Valentine's Day gift early that night so he could enjoy his silky heart boxers on Saturday. :) He laughed so hard because he's never had any fun boxers let alone SILKY ones.

My Saturday started off pretty early because Paul and I were going to make an entire day out of our first (and his first EVER) Valentine's Day. As I was getting all dolled up for my baby, my mom called me and told me that she was coming over to give me my Valentine's Day gift from her and Bob. My heart just smiled when she handed me a doll I used to have when I was a little girl. She found me a Ragedy Ann doll from Cracker Barrel in a basket complete with chocolate and a glass bottle of Coke. Perfectly precious! I actually used to have this exact doll when I was about 3 years old and used to dress up my cat in the doll's dress! Haha. I loved the doll's dress so much, my mom made me one to match! Aww...I just love walking down memory lane. This doll is very special to me and I will cherish it forever and hopefully make my little girl a dress just like it! :)

After I got all "pertied" up, I headed to Caseyville to meet up with Paulie and he gave me my wonderful gifts in the car. He had me close my eyes with every gift. I got 3 beautiful roses (my favorite because of the middle name of course...), chocolates with a pencil on the box (it reminded him of me because I'm gonna be a teacher someday), a beautifully hand-blown perfume bottle made in Egypt (I've never owned anything to fancy like it), and a giant, pink, plush, heart-shaped pillow that says "Princess" on the front. He calls me his princess and was so proud of himself for finding this adorable present. :) He's the best.

After he gave me my gifts, we headed out to West County to go rollerskating! I had such a wonderful time holding his hand and acting goofy with him at the skating rink. I was a big ol' dork and skated on actual roller-skates, not blades. I felt even more like a little girl because I used to rollerskate on quads when I was about 8 years old. It was SO much fun! :)

We headed back to his house in Arnold and I changed and did some touch-ups for our dinner at Olive Garden. Sadly, Fairview Heights was SO PACKED that we ended up at Steak N Shake. I really didn't care where we ended up eating because I just wanted to eat somewhere with Paul and not have to wait an hour and a half for a table. Plus, we were the fanciest looking couple in the joint. So that was nice. :)

After dinner, we drove back to New Baden to cuddle and watch Austin Powers while enjoying an amazing bottle of Sparkling Grape Juice in fancy champagne glasses. Paul handed me my glass and said, "See, we can still look fancy and not get drunk at the same time!" I honestly cannot wait for next year's Valentine's Day as we get to celebrate that day as a married couple. It's going to be even better!

Yesterday was also a great day as we took both of our parents out for lunch after church and they all met each other for the first time. It definitely made it more official. We truly are blessed. All in all, it was an absolutely wonderful weekend and I feel so loved and special.

I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day and weekend. Have a blessed week!!!

Peace & Love.

299

That's how many days we have left until we are married!!! I was just excited to see that it was no longer in the 300's. :)

In other news...

I had an interview at La Petite Academy in Glen Carbon, IL last week. It was a very last minute thing that popped up and I prepped for it in a very quick time. It lasted about an hour and 20 minutes, so I think that's a good sign. I should know by today or tomorrow if I'm the right one for the little Pre-K room. But, if that doesn't work out, I have another interview next Wednesday for that Dr.'s office. God knows which one I need, so I'm not growing too attached to either one. I just need a job to help keep my mind from wandering too much during the day.

I've realized how not many of my friends are in the same position that I've been in lately. Not many of them are preparing for marriage or are even close. It's an interesting adventure and I cannot compare it to anything I've ever gone through. I don't have many people to talk to about it besides those who are much older than me. I guess I've always been an old-soul and when it comes down to it, I love this new change in my life. If being engaged doesn't make you grow up just a little bit, I don't know what will. I no longer just think about how things are going to affect me, but how they are going to affect us. It's an interestingly new concept for me. :)

Simply, I've traded my career plans in for wedding plans. It's what I really wanted any way. I think the one reason I was so eager to make that move before was to be out on my own. I really do think that's it. I want a place to call home. I haven't had that in a REALLY long time. Sure, I have a place to lay my head down at night and I have a roof over my head, but it's not my roof and it's not even my bed. If I could just live outside my own 4 walls, I would so be giddy. Ya know, my own bathroom, kitchen, living room, and backyard. *sigh* I can't wait for all of that. And on top of all of that...my husband to be by my side always. My best friend to hold hands with as we walk around the park. Just soaking it all in. Living life.

It may not be as exciting or busy as LA, but it's home to me. That church is my home and when I'm with Paul, I'm at home. The career part of my life will be exciting, but I know I was made to be a mom and a wife. Call it boring or even mundane, if you want. But it's what I want. I was called to live the white-picket fence lifestyle. As much as I made fun of people who longed for that, I secretly wanted it to happen to me. And oddly enough, it is. :)

So here's to 299 more days of engagement. Time goes by so quickly...

As for right now...This is what I got.

The prayers and the blessings
My man and my dreams
God Above and Faith fulfilled
You're all I got.

Eager to please, eager to achieve
Crazy in love, crazy about You
Questions of how and questions of when
You're all I got.

Not the same, inside or out
Frustrations and joy
2 wants and 2 dreams
And you're all I got.

Selishness and you
Battles from within
Wanting to change, wanting familiar faces
You're all I got.

--------------------------------------------------------

Reaching for a spotlight that's going dim
Being pulled in two different directions
My eyes are slowly closing on what used to be
And I'm learning to finally see and love

Yet I look to my left
And there you stand
Holding a single red rose
And a tear running down your cheek

You whisper, "I love you...I need you by my side...ALWAYS."
And I'm frozen where I stand
Do I run into the familiar arms of the stage?
Or do I choose the new path laid before me?

Can't I have both?
What's wrong with that?
Thought I was Superwoman
But I forgot that I'm NOT.

I gave up my cape long ago
I gave up that path
I put away childish things
To have this, To have YOU.

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry I made you cry
This is so new to me
I forgot what it means to live for someone else
And not be SELFISH.

I'll be here, by your side
Holding onto your hand
I promise I'm letting go
And I'm walking away from it all.

For all of you...

You are who you are for a reason. By: Russell Kelfer

You're part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb.
You're just what He wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

My heart's in a funny place right now.

Have you ever stared at your destiny right in the face? I did this weekend.

I would be in Los Angeles, CA today, but God intervined. My dear friend Ana moved there yesterday to pursue her dreams and I'm so proud of her.

I tried not to cry, but I couldn't help myself. I will miss her deeply.

May God keep her safe and full of peace and joy.

I was SUPPOSED to go with her. I was SUPPOSED to be an actress on the west coast. I was SUPPOSED to be single and an independent career woman. But like I said before, God intervined. I have no regrets. I have no doubts. I just have a place in my heart that is soft and in awe of God's work in my life.

If you want to see evidence of change, read my blogs from early September. I"m continuously getting used to me. My mom understood probably more than anyone in my life when I came to her the other night with my confusion. "It was a fast change. It happened so quickly," she said. And it did. This wasn't years of work, this was a mere matter of months for my heart to change like it did. And I'm completely left with my mouth gaping open.

I'm not sad right now. I'm just longing to be held by my amazing fiance. When I'm away from him, all I can do is think of when we will be together again. You see, that was MY dream long before acting came into the picture. A dream of having a family. A dream of falling love with the man of my dreams. Praise God for making this dream a reality for me!

On the good news list this week:

***There is a possibility I might have a job soon! It's at an orthodic (they sell orthopedics for people's shoes and whatnot) Dr. office in St. Louis where I would be working as a receptionist there. Scheduling appointments, answering phones, and talking to other Dr. offices. Keep me in your prayers. This job would offer me benefits and great pay. AND I'd get to work with adults! Something I have no idea about.

I really just wanted something to keep me busy while I'm awaiting marriage. I'm usually busy at night, but during the day, I'm ready to go crazy. It's been 2 months of this. And I'm ready for a change of pace...PLEASE!

It's funny because the wedding is pretty much already planned. Just the matter of paying for things and buying things. But the money isn't just going to come as soon as I snap my fingers. It's still gonna take a little while. *sigh*

That's about it. Just taking it one day at a time and getting used to the changes that come.

Peace & Love.