growing-up-sucks-moments.
I'm also extremely hormonal so that does not help either.
I'm not going to try to complain in this post, but TRY to just talk.
I have had massive headaches, all-day-long headaches, for the past month and on and off again headaches for probably the past 4. I know that there are several reasons for these headaches, stress, caffeine withdrawls, lack of water, lack of sleep, poor diet, and finally have figured out the big one...old lenses prescription...7 years old. No wonder I have had these headaches! My eyes are like..."
You idiot! We are so tired...what are you doing to us??!!!"So I stayed home today to rest those strained eyeballs and get an eye exam scheduled ASAP. Because lenses are so friggin expensive, I've got to dip into my savings, which is for the wedding. And that is where my stress comes from...saving up for the biggest day of my entire life. It seems like everywhere I turn, I'm having trouble with saving up. I spend 300 is gas alone every month just to get to work. I'm still commuting and it is the one thing I loathe more than anything. I'm staying in New Baden just to save on money because of rent issues. *Sigh*
Meanwhile in the land of Emily Rose...my brain sends me around in circles. When I end up talking to Paul about it, I sound crazy because I repeat myself without meaning to. It also doesn't help because I'm constantly wishing I was younger. I find myself wanting to go back to the days where all I had to worry about was waking up to go to class. Maybe as humans we are never satisified with our circumstances. And that's where I get the most frustrated. I was so happy to graduate last May and leave the stress of college behind me. What about being happy to leave the stressful auditions behind me as well? Several months ago, I would have killed to have a job and save me from my facebook and blogging boredom. Not to mention the nanny days...boooorrrrinnggg....
And yet, here I sit, whining about how I hate being a grown-up. How I miss summer vacation. How I miss performing in Disney's High School Musical with everyone. How I miss listening to music and journaling all day long. I have no idea why. Maybe it's because it's July and I should be swimming and playing outside. I have experienced full-time work for the first time in my life and I got so caught up in that, that I almost forgot it was summer. Sitting in an office at a computer was not what I wanted for my life, but it's what will do for now as we save up for a life together. *Sigh* Do we all wish to be kids again? I love having Paul. If I could have that and be a kid at the same time, I think that would be my idea of heaven. And maybe that's what heaven is like. A life as a child with no stress or worldly obligations such as work, bills, or health problems.
Yes, I'm having one of those days today. Questioning my future. Questioning my desires. Questioning myself and my passions. Putting one foot in front of the other and trusting that God knows best. It's just so difficult to sit "here" when you want to be "there." Wherever "there" is...I have no idea.
Another day goes by...
Here's the lovely in-ground pool and fitness center...
There are sooo many good things about it. Only 20 minutes from work. About 10 minutes from church! And did I mention it was like 5 SECONDS from the Mall!!! :) So many great places around to eat. Still gotta find out where the nearest grocery store is, but at this point, I've 2 right by my work so that wouldn't be a huge deal whatsoever. There's access to the pool, fitness center, and tanning bed. Awesomeness.