What do I wanna be when I grow up?

That question is one you ask when you are about 10 years old and it continues as you go through school. I remember being asked that question constantly and it running through my mind at every second of every day, especially once it was time to start applying for college.


At first, I wanted to be a doctor but when I found out about the length of schooling, I said, “No way Jose!”


Then throughout most of high school, I prepped to become an English teacher. At 19, I transferred schools and transferred my career path to focus on becoming an actress.


I now have a BA degree in Theatre & Dance and still find myself asking “What do I wanna be when I grow up?” After dealing with my dad’s death and becoming a strong, solid woman of God, I have had a major reality check. With the economy being in the poor state it is in, I have been questioning my career path every day. I don’t think I can afford to take the selfish route and chase the dream of becoming a movie star. I have constantly asked myself recently some major life questions: Why are we here? What is our sole purpose on this Earth?


After some soul-searching and praying, I’ve realized that we are put on this Earth to change lives and help others through the struggles on this complex life. How can I become so self-involved to think that my performance abilities are going to help people put food on the table or heal them of their pain. Sure, I could help put a smile on their face for a little while, but that pain in their heart will still be there when the play is over or the 30 minutes TV show has ended. I must go deeper and I must think bigger than just acting.


How many of us actually take the time to figure this all out? I don’t regret becoming a Theatre major…not at all. I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe it helped me overcome a lot of my insecurities. I am the confident woman today because of those few years forcing myself to put my vulnerabilities on the line every day.


With that said, I am discovering that I have so much more to offer the world than jazz-hands and dramatic and engaging monologues. And God is sending me signs every day to figure that out. I got an email from a former professor from SIUE today that reminded me how disciplined, pleasant, and bright I am. He wants to have me help him organize some things at his home for pay. I feel that this man can offer me the guidance I have been looking for.


On top of that, there is an author who is looking for my partnership with his new book coming out in February. I’m not sure where this is all headed, but God needs me to remain unemployed right now. With much discussion over the past couple weeks, I’m closing the door on the nanny biz. God has given me way too many talents and abilities (aside from my performance skills) to change diapers for a living. I don’t know what I’m being called to do, but I know I will figure it out soon enough. Nannying helped me make money when I was waiting to move to LA, but that is no longer the case and I need to figure out what I am being called to do.


After dealing with my dad’s death and realizing how utterly important my faith is to me, my eyes have been re-opened to what mattered most to me before I ever asked myself that simple question of my career path…love.


Not romantic love. But family, friends, and love for all of God’s people. If I have learned anything throughout these past few weeks, it is that life is very precious and it can be taken away so quickly. I don’t want to waste any moment pursuing a life full of stress or anger in the entertainment industry. I do want to take my life to help others and change hearts and lives. I do want a husband, house, and children. When it comes down to it, that is all that matters in life. Your family, your friends, your faith, and your health. Everything else is just filler until you get to be with the ones you love.


Maybe I’ve had an epiphany. Maybe it’s a revelation. Whatever it is, I have grown up and opened my eyes to what is truly important in life and it’s not money or your career. It’s the people God places in your life that makes those other things enjoyable. I will no longer allow myself to be brainwashed by society’s timeline or society’s plan for our lives.


What makes you happy? I guarantee you it is not a thing.


I may not know what I wanna be when I grow up in the world’s terms, but I do know that I want to be a strong, faithful woman of God who lives her life to glorify Him and help change lives around her. Details to follow…until He brings me the answer.


In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy this precious life by taking it all one day at a time.


That’s all we can really do anyway.


Peace and Love.