Marriage.
Yes, I know, I haven't been with Paul very long to be thinking about this, but I am thinking about it. And I won't apologize for it. I'm not MAKING myself think about marrying him. I feel it in my heart with utter certainty that this is the most truthful thing I have ever believed in my entire life. And just as Genesis 1 & 2 discuss, God made man to have a counter-part...a woman, a wife. So I know that this longing is of God. The relationship itself is of God because neither one of us looked for each other. He was called to grow up in that church and I was called to eventually attend that church and to remain there for at least a year. I made my decision to stay in STL before I ever truly knew Paul. And now I see more than ever, that Paul was the reason I was supposed to stay. It is such a blessing and he is truly my gift from God.
My mom said something to me last night that really stood out to me: "Why do you care what other people think of you, Emily?"
She ran into a guy I had a huge crush on a little while ago (who pretty much dropped me on my butt before I even knew what happened) and wanted to rubbed it in his face that I was so in love and happy. She wanted to tell him that I was engaged. I immediately got defensive. Mom! I don't want people thinking that! They'd all think I was crazy! They know I've only been with Paul a few weeks and then they'd think I was insane if I was ALREADY engaged!!!
I now look at her question to me and realize...I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S YOU-KNOW-WHAT ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME!!!! If they can't find it deep down in their own being that we all long to find our soul-mates and want to argue with me that love follows a timeline, then they don't need to be any part of my life. My mom told me that she's never seen me this happy before in my life. Not even when I was in high school with Rob did I glow like this. My grandpa said that he enjoyed being around me and talking with me. "There's something different about her." I have not made this relationship the center of my universe (that spot is reserved for God) but I give 110% to EVERYTHING in my life. And right now, this relationship needs my attention. It's very important to me and I want to nurture it so it can grow into something so amazingly beautiful and pure to remain that way for the rest of my life.
So what if I've decided that this is the man I'm going to marry already! If you love me, you'll be so utterly happy that I've found him! If you think that I'll be throwing away my career if I get married within a year, then you obviously don't know me. I'm a very strong woman capable of balancing much more than one thing at a time. I have never understood something this much ever before in my life.
With all of that said, I feel like I need to say something about society's little timeline. I know with my whole being that Paul would propose to me today if he could. He already started looking at rings a few days ago and marriage seems to be on his mind (he asked me to read 1 Corinthians 7 Sunday night). I think a major reason he will wait several more months is because of society's timeline. I'm sure he's worried about what certain people think about all of this (our parents think it's wonderful, but I think it's just everyone else that probably doesn't even matter in the end). He'll be 19 December 1st and we will have been together just a mere 3 weeks on Sunday. Yep, you can think I'm crazy...go right ahead. I really don't care what you think. I'll be 23 years old in about a month. I'm pretty sure I'm adult enough to make decisions like this.
So that's what goin on in the old noggin. I'm still moving to LA within a year. I'm under contract with the family I nanny for to give them 1 year. That decision was ironically also made before Paul and I were together. God's timing is perfect, isn't it?
Apparently other people are on my side with this one...
Thanks or listenin and lovin me always.
Peace.
2 comments:
I have to be open and honest, too..hehehe! Love does not need a timeline. Love is when you grow with your GOD-given partner. I agree with your mom. My boyfriend and I decided to not care about what others say. They're just jealous anyway. hahaha! And we're planning to get married as soon as we can and we've just been together for 6 months now but I've known him for almost 11 months already. A real relationship always considers marriage. I am very happy for you. You have found your gift from GOD. If Adam's missing piece is Eve, Paul's missing piece is Emily. I sound like a stalker. hahaha! I am an invisible follower of your blog. Grow more spiritually with Paul. GOD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS! GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY! P.U.S.H.
No, you do not sound like a stalker. You're one of God's precious angels. Bless you! I appreciate your kind words so much. :) I look forward to hearing more from you!
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