Breaking free from the curse of this family...

My father was bound by alcohol and pornography and very quickly became very lost. The devil had my dad by the throat and the evil that suffocated my dad came to an end Sunday night/Monday morning.

With all the specifics still under investigation, my dad was murdered Sunday night in one house and his body was set a-blaze in a burning house across the street in Washington Park. I don't know who was out to get him, but he was involved in something terrible that eventually lead to his death. His stripper girlfriend is under investigation, but they are trying to make sure he wasn't involved in drugs (I'm pretty sure he wasn't because I would have known about that or found something around the house that made it apparent). I know this doesn't sound real, but it's been on the news and in the paper and I can't even explain to you how much of a daze I have been in since yesterday.

I found out yesterday afternoon about all of this and I finally have the courage to talk about it on here because it's much bigger than just my dad's death. I write this not only to grieve and comprehend what just happened, but to tell everyone that I am here for anyone who's life has been bruised and torn because of alcohol or has had a struggling and complicated relationship with their father.

College is the worst thing to happen to kids when it comes to it's promotion of alcohol and partying. Young people become desensitized to drinking and driving or excessive drinking. I was one of those young people who didn't think twice about getting behind a wheel after a few too many cocktails. "I'll be fine. I'm fine." And the next morning, I couldn't remember how I got home and realized I was NOT fine. I would put myself in a situation where I KNEW the driver was drinking whether in the car or after a night of bar-hopping. I look at these decisions and want to smack myself and all of my friends around me who are guilty of this. IT'S NOT SAFE!!!!!!! You could kill someone and yourself! Wake up!!!!!

Along with drinking and driving, I've been guilty of compromising my morals and getting involved in activities with men who were not my boyfriend, and more specifically not my husband. It's not good when you don't remember how you got in his bed or what you 2 even did that night or how about this question...did he where a condom? Oh God, am I pregnant?!

I didn't drink that much in college, and my friends know that, but I still feel like I could have been headed down a very difficult road if I wasn't careful. Luckily I had a mom and friends to keep me in check and a God who all watched over me with every stumble and mistake.

I'm not really sure if I'm allowed to say anything about this because of legal reasons, but this was my dad, and IS my life and my story. The funeral arrangements cannot be made until they know for sure the details. They legally can't have a funeral without an exact cause of death or death certificate. I'm not looking forward to reliving all of these emotions that day, that's for sure.

With all of that said, I am forever thankful for my support system who came to my aid last night. Bless you all for stopping by or calling. I don't know what I'd do with all of you. Including Paul. He was by my side the entire night holding me and comforting me until I fell asleep. My boss is allowing me all the time I need to rest and grieve. She doesn't know about any of this because I only was told that he was in an accident and I assumed it was a car accident. I only wish it was that simple. There really is evil in this world and I want to work my entire life to stay far away from any of it. I suggest you ask yourself if that next drink truly is worth it if you are beginning to lose any self control.

I love you all too much to see anything like this happen to you and your family.

Be careful and know that God loves you because you are His children. He doesn't want to see anything like this happen to you. But when we take our lives into our own hands and don't listen to God, He can't help you any longer. There's only so many times He can try to stop you from killing yourself before it's just too late.

Sadly, it was too late for my dad. He was too far gone and couldn't be saved.

Don't ever let that happen to you. And I will try my hardest to step in if I become worried about you.

Please keep me and my family in your prayers. I'll be praying for all of you children of alcoholics. My heart is aching for you too.

Peace and love.