So yes, moving is on my mind. Not to Los Angeles, but to somewhere like...not here in my alcoholic father's house. When I moved back to New Baden, my plans were to only live here for a few months until I made it out to LA in January. Well, since I've graduated, my plans have changed quite a bit and many times. While I was living in Edwardsville, I didn't realize my dad was drinking again. I guess my hint should have come when he brought me alcohol to our New Year's party my junior year. The thought that he went to buy me alcohol and not buy himself any never crossed my mind. I didn't even think twice about any of it. But when I was coming home more often to ask for money or bring stuff over for my move back, I started noticing it more. I found a travel-sized bottle of Jack in the bathroom and he claimed it was to help him fall asleep and because I'm loving and trusting, I believed him. But it should have woke me up a little more when he ordered a Corona at lunch back in February. I thought maybe he had it under control. But I have to remind myself that alcoholics, especially ones in the Mollet family, NEVER have it under control.
Back in May, he woke me up at 12:30am during the week (when he should have been in bed) to ask me to bail him out of jail for his DUI. He lost his license back in September and now has a 23 year old, black, stripper girlfriend who has 3 kids. Awesome. Our fridge never has food in it, but you'd be sure there is a fridge stocked with beer. This is what I've been living with since May:
So yeah, I think he's got a problem. And staying here, is not an option anymore. I just can't watch him ruin his life any longer. I've told him about my church numerous times and told him that he'd really like it and he just scoffs in my face. He used to go to mass with my grandma every Saturday evening, but I recently found out that he hasn't gone since April. I pray for him every day that he will get his life back on track, but I can't watch my own father behave like this. I can't make him change. He has to want to do it himself.
So my brother and I are going to get an apartment somewhere in the Edwardsville area where I will be closer to my job, my friends, my church, and my boyfriend and he'll be closer to his girlfriend and friends. I thought saving money was so utterly important to me, but not anymore. Saving money for my eventual move to LA isn't worth living with this all around me. I need to start my own life, away from my painful past of my drunken father. My mom took me and my brother away from that a long time ago for a reason and it kills my mother that I'm back there. There isn't anywhere for me to go and she can't support me along with 3 other people. I'm 23 years old and I've graduated college, it's time to be a big girl now. I've got God on my side and He'll allow everything to fall into place just as He has been doing for so long now. I've got a wonderful church family, a loving and supportive mom, stepdad, brother and sister, phenomenal friends, and an amazing boyfriend who are all by my side every day.
It's all gonna work out, I know it. It's just been really difficult lately and not many people know about it. I'm not ashamed of it. I know there are many people who've probably dealt with it too. And I pray for all of them. God loves you and He won't let anything bad happen to you. You are in better hands.
So if you could keep an eye out for a 2 bedroom apartment in the Edwardsville area between $500-$600, that'd would be fantastic. And your prayers are always welcomed. :)
Thanks. I love you all.
Peace & Love forever.
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