God's Time

I've been having a heck of a time these past few weeks finding a solid job with some security. The job interview that I'm supposed to have on Saturday leaves me with an odd feeling. I found it on craigslist and the guy posted a new position the other day that look very similiar but some things were changed. And that's the weird part, it's a guy. He hasn't mentioned the baby or his wife. So I emailed him yesterday and told him that because of the shady stories I've heard about craigslist, I wanted to meet him in a public place like Starbucks. I still have yet to hear back from him. Like Pastor Dave says, "If you don't know...don't go." I'm having a weird yellow light in my spirit about it. It could be some creeper trying to meet a nice girl by offering her a fake nanny job.

So I called my nanny agency this morning and they are sending my newly updated portfolio to a family in University City. It sounds great to me. $500/week, paid vacation and holidays, and I get out early on Fridays at 3pm. I don't know...I'm wondering why this search has been so difficult for me. The longer it takes me to find a job, the longer I won't be moving out to LA. I wake up every morning thinking about this when I know I should be praising God for His glory even if I can't see it. "Lead by faith, not sight" Pastor Dave says. It's not like I haven't been doing the work. I apply for at least 2-3 jobs a day. That's a lot of jobs for the past month and a half! But honestly, I think God is trying to teach me patience and discipline. And probably gratitude. Every glory should be praised to Him, not myself for finding a job. I'm so used to controlling everything. I am very organized and my OCD kicks in from time to time and I've always managed to have many successes in my life. For the first time in my life when someone asks me what I'm up to, I get embarrassed because I am not as successful as usual. I don't have some grand thing to talk about. Being unemployed isn't the big impressive thing I want to talk about after I just acheived a college degree. But I suppose that is God teaching me humility. I've always had such confidence in myself. And I still do, but God wants me to be confidently humble. If that makes any sense.

The one thing that I've still been holding onto and really need to surrender to God is when I will move. At first I said, "It'll happen when God wants it to happen." And then when I found that last job in Ladue, I put a date back on it. I think God is shaking my life to wake me up and STOP CONTROLING EVERYTHING! So yeah, if I get this nanny job with my agency, I have to give them at least a year committment. That means if I don't get the job until the end of this month, I won't be headed to LA until Nov or Dec 2009. A part of me is going "AN ENTIRE YEAR FROM NOW...WHAT?!" That's the driven side of me that wants this career to happen. But then the obedient Christian is saying "When it's God's time, it's GOD'S TIME!" And as each day passes, I see why staying is the better choice...I met so many people at church the other night and one of them asked me for my number. I got invited to a weekend youth conference in FL in January and I'm going! I talked to the lady in charge of it and I'm giving her my money on Sunday to secure a spot. It's only like $150 to go and it pays for everything..including a house on the beach! If I was moving in January, I couldn't go to this thing. God is so specific isn't He?! :)

I'm getting more involved in the drama ministry at church. I helped with a skit on our big "Country Sunday" and the woman in charge of the Xmas program told me that I don't even have to audition because they already want to give me a part and most of the material is gonna be filmed! That's exciting!

I'm feeling called to help in the nursery. I think I've been going there long enough that I don't need to sit in the sanctuary to get the message. They desperately need help and I think I need to serve where there is need.

Brighton Beach is going well. I keep getting really good comments from the director, so that's good. The indie movie doesn't shoot my scenes until November or December, but when we do, I'll so be ready! I'm auditioning on Sunday for Webster's student film season. It's just like a giant casting call for all of the directors to pick out their actors. Hopefully I'll get a chance to do a couple projects and get some stuff for a reel. I'll be around longer so I can build up my resume a little more. When it's God, it's effortless. I'm so excited for it to finally be a little bit easier because this whole trying to control it all on my own has been tough!