Open to interpretation

So, I'm learning every minute of every day to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to signs from God. Because I've been in such a huge transitional period in my life, I need to be open to every possibility that may come my way. I've always believed that God sends us angels to bless our lives and help guide us. I've discovered many angels throughout my lifetime, and I'd like to think that I have become one for others, if even for a short time in their life.

I received an email today from a dear friend who keeps my best interest at heart and truly understands me. He reaffirmed some of my solid beliefs and gave me a new sense of hope and confidence about this life-changing decision.

"I look around at some of my friends and they seem so much better off than I am. But, I learned a long time ago that money isn't the most important thing in life (but having it does make things easier :) ) and that there were certain things I was going to have to sacrifice if I was truly going to live a life worth living and not just settle and buy into the idea of the "normal American lifestyle". And despite my concerns and worry, there has always been enough money to get by. God provides and watches out for his children, sometimes even when we are running, doing whatever we want, and not paying attention to what he is trying to do/show/give us."

How true is that for so many of us! I'm in a financial mess right now, but I KNOW God will take care of me. I've been saying that for awhile now, and it was such a blessing to hear those words from a man that I respect so much.

And then he said this:
"You are a very goal-oriented person, Emily. Goal-oriented people tend to be very driven. That's not a bad thing. We should all have goals in life and work to achieve them. But, I've observed from people in my life that goal-oriented people sometimes get so caught up in the goals and the steps to reaching those goals, that they loose focus of the bigger picture. Though there are times I am goal-oriented, I'm very much more a visionary. I'm a dreamer. Visionaries have faults, too, e.g not completely thinking through plans all the time or not doing the right preparation, etc. Goal-oriented people and visionary people can learn things from each other because both need to be tempered by the other. Now here's my point: life's a journey, Emily. It's good to have a plan and set lots of goals, as long as you remember that things probably aren't going to work out exactly as you have them planned. You might miss that path off to the side of the paved trail that, though it takes longer to get where you want to go, actually is far more beautiful, exciting, and adventurous. Enjoy the journey and take it for what it is."

The "bigger picture." I've been driven to get to LA for over a year now. It became all I thought about, all I read about, all I talked about because it was my goal. My one big goal that I knew would happen because I would MAKE A WAY. I graduated and began the job hunt. I found a temporary summer job, but I barely got by. Ana and I then decided to push back the moving date because of money. I found a solid nanny job, making $450 or more a week...this was it! I would be able to save the money and pay off some major bills! This was working out! Then in less than 2 weeks, I lost that "perfect" job and have currently been unemployed since August 22nd. God is STILL providing though. I've been getting nanny gigs to help me get through this financial slump, but nothing consistent enough to save $5,000 in 4 months. But I was NOT going to lose hope. I'm doing this...I'm moving in January, even if I only have $3,000, I'm MOVING! I want this too badly!

Now with that mindset, I can see myself making bold choices and probably having just enough to move to LA. But would I be completely comfortable or how about happy? Would I truly be happy? Sure, I'd be pursuing my dream, but at the cost of so many things. I'd be leaving all of my friends, family, and church home when I'm just getting a chance to spend time with all of them after being away for 4 years wrapped up in college. So what is this "bigger picture?" I think it's when you decide to live your life for God and completely lose yourself in His story. For me, I'm learning, I want to take that "path off to the side of the paved trail." All of the pieces seemed to be falling into place with my journey to LA (except for the money issue), but I'm not sure if I want to take that "paved trail" quite yet. I feel like I have some business to take care of here first. When I move it will be permanent. I pack my stuff up and head out west for good, not just for a few months. I want to make sure I'm COMPLETELY ready to do that. And right now, I can't say that I am ready to move in January.

I have a feeling some wonderful things are just now starting to happen to me and I cannot see myself leaving it all behind before any of it gets a chance to work out. I feel called to take on these new found opportunities at Faith Church St. Louis and become a servant for God. I feel called to spend more time with my family and not just on Sundays. Jenna (my little sister) is growing up so fast and I haven't been around much at all in these past 4 years because of school. I can't see myself leaving her yet. My mom and I have always been close, but nothing compared to where our relationship is now. I'm not ready to leave this newly restored relationship to become "just a phone call away" daughter. I finally get to spend time with my friends, both new and old. I get excited every time someone from my past contacts me and wants to meet up. There are SO MANY people I haven't gotten to spend time with because of school. I've been free since August and I'm not ready to give up this lifestyle yet. Movies, coffee, karaoke, dancing, laughing, talking for hours, walks, etc with all of my amazing friends. I can't leave that behind just yet. And I don't want to forget about all of those new friends who I have met in the past few months. Some friends of other friends, some people I've randomly met on the journey of life, some friends I've known for years but now REALLY KNOW, and some amazing people that God has just placed in my life at the right time. I need to stay for them.

I suppose I've made up my mind. It's just the matter of discussing it with Ana. Only God knows when this move will happen, but for now, I'm letting Him use me here until He lets me know when I'm ready to conquer the West Coast.

Peace, Love, and Joy.