Salt and Light

Open your eyes to the signs from your Heavenly Father!

This cartoon made me laugh when I found it. How much easier would life be if God's signs were obvious like this one! But when it comes down to do it, life gets much easier when you open yourself up to receive those signs from God. Life only gets hard when you stray away from God's path and make your own way. The signs become more difficult to see when we are blinded by desires of the flesh and not the spirit.

God wants us to seek Him first. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." Matthew 6:33

When God becomes the center of your entire life and you truly start living for His desires and not your own desires, you will begin to see how God's desires for you will become your desires for yourself. He knows you more than anyone because HE MADE YOU! He knows what you like and dislike. "God underscores His words to us by reminding us that He Himself made us. He knows His people (you) inside and out...the good, the bad and the ugly. He knows everything about you: your strengths and weaknesses, your gifts and talents, your history, your present and your future. He has created you uniquely special and He delights in you."-Rachel Anne Ridge

Now, I'm reminded of a story I read a long time ago at a retreat I attended at SLU:

Open Mind, Open Arms, Open Heart

"God, are you real?" the boy whispered.
"God, speak to me." But the boy did not hear.

So the boy yelled "God speak to me!" And the thunder rolled across the sky.
But the boy did not listen.

The boy looked around and said, "God, let me see you!"
And a star shone brightly.
But the boy did not notice.

So the boy shouted, "God, show me a miracle!"
And a life was born.
But the boy did not know.

So then the boy cried out in dispair, "God, touch me and let me know you are here!"
Whereupon God reached down and touched the boy.

But the boy brushed the butterfuly away and walked away unknowingly.

Take time to listen.

Often times, the things we seek are rightunderneath our noses.

Don't miss out on your blessing because it isn't packaged the way that you expect.

-Anonymous

Listen carefully to God's voice. He's speaking ot us daily in many different ways. Remember, God's ways are not our ways. And the way we think God will speak to us, may be entirely different from the way God chooses to speak to us. Always keep an open mind. If you would just take off those blinders and open yourself up to God's blessings, you would be blown away at how much God loves you! Life will become so much more fulfilling because you will be able to see God everywhere.

Now, I've been praying for a sign to figure out if I should move to LA or not. Thankfully I've allowed myself some time to truly listen to what God was trying to tell me instead of making any hasty decisions. Like I said before, LA was my total focus for over a year. It was all I talked about, thought about, read about, dreamt about...until now. I wake up thinking about God's blessings upon my life and I ask Him what I can do to spread His word and light today. Now, I haven't lost my passion for performing. I still adore acting, singing, and dancing, but those are things that I do, not who I am. Yes, I act, sing, dance, write, think, feel, laugh, cry, love, etc. but am I not any one of those things. They are the abilities that God has blessed me with and I will use them while I am here on this Earth to pursue my true purpose in life. And like I say all the time, I am constantly seeking to find that purpose. Instead of finding some huge, complicated idea, I've come to realize that everyone's purpose (if they are a believer) is to bring other's to God and live life in love because God=Love. I will use what He has given me to acheive that purpose. And I will take each precious day at a time to get there. Each step taken adds up to an amazing journey.

So, I'm not moving to LA for awhile, but that doesn't mean that I won't. I know I will because God has placed that desire in my heart. Just like He has placed the desire to be here in St. Louis for a little longer. I feel like He has so much more for me to do here first before I take the West Coast by storm! :) God is working some amazing things in my life right now and I can't wait to look back on it all and be so utterly glad that I stayed to bring life to these things!

*I want to start a mentor program (Big sister/Little sister and Big brother/Little brother kind of thing) with the youth at Faith Church St. Louis specifically dealing with relationship issues.
*I want to use my singing abilities with the Praise and Worship team at Faith Church St. Louis
*I want to use my acting abilities to help inspire the youth by discussing struggles that pertain to today's youth
*I want to strengthen my friendships with those that live here in St. Louis and learn to strengthen the friendships with those who live further away
*I want to strengthen my relationship with my family by spending more time with them

Yeah, so God is sending me some amazing opportunities to share His Love to His people and I am going to live for today.

And cue the theme song:

Live for Today by Natalie Grant
Sittin' in my room staring at the wall
Wonderin' about the meaning of it all
Why is it this thing called life
Has got me goin' crazy
So I open up your word and let it speak to me
The purpose and the plan that you've designed
Is clear to see, and I believe

(Chorus)
I'm gonna live for today
I'm gonna follow in your way

I'm gonna let my little light shine
Like there's no tomorrow
I won't worry about the past
I know my future is intact
So I'll choose to live my life one way
I'm gonna live it for today

You told me not to worry
About what lies ahead
So I am gonna focus on today instead
Making every moment count and counting
Every single blessing
I'm gonna set my mind on the Here and the Now
This is what I want my life to be about
And this is How...

(Repeat Chorus)
Oh my oh so crazy life
Has got me spinnin around and 'round
Hangin' upside down
Takin one step at a time
Holding your hand all the way
And it'll be okay
I'm gonna live for today
Follow in your way
I will follow you



Amen!

Peace, Love, and Joy!

Open to interpretation

So, I'm learning every minute of every day to keep my eyes, ears, and heart open to signs from God. Because I've been in such a huge transitional period in my life, I need to be open to every possibility that may come my way. I've always believed that God sends us angels to bless our lives and help guide us. I've discovered many angels throughout my lifetime, and I'd like to think that I have become one for others, if even for a short time in their life.

I received an email today from a dear friend who keeps my best interest at heart and truly understands me. He reaffirmed some of my solid beliefs and gave me a new sense of hope and confidence about this life-changing decision.

"I look around at some of my friends and they seem so much better off than I am. But, I learned a long time ago that money isn't the most important thing in life (but having it does make things easier :) ) and that there were certain things I was going to have to sacrifice if I was truly going to live a life worth living and not just settle and buy into the idea of the "normal American lifestyle". And despite my concerns and worry, there has always been enough money to get by. God provides and watches out for his children, sometimes even when we are running, doing whatever we want, and not paying attention to what he is trying to do/show/give us."

How true is that for so many of us! I'm in a financial mess right now, but I KNOW God will take care of me. I've been saying that for awhile now, and it was such a blessing to hear those words from a man that I respect so much.

And then he said this:
"You are a very goal-oriented person, Emily. Goal-oriented people tend to be very driven. That's not a bad thing. We should all have goals in life and work to achieve them. But, I've observed from people in my life that goal-oriented people sometimes get so caught up in the goals and the steps to reaching those goals, that they loose focus of the bigger picture. Though there are times I am goal-oriented, I'm very much more a visionary. I'm a dreamer. Visionaries have faults, too, e.g not completely thinking through plans all the time or not doing the right preparation, etc. Goal-oriented people and visionary people can learn things from each other because both need to be tempered by the other. Now here's my point: life's a journey, Emily. It's good to have a plan and set lots of goals, as long as you remember that things probably aren't going to work out exactly as you have them planned. You might miss that path off to the side of the paved trail that, though it takes longer to get where you want to go, actually is far more beautiful, exciting, and adventurous. Enjoy the journey and take it for what it is."

The "bigger picture." I've been driven to get to LA for over a year now. It became all I thought about, all I read about, all I talked about because it was my goal. My one big goal that I knew would happen because I would MAKE A WAY. I graduated and began the job hunt. I found a temporary summer job, but I barely got by. Ana and I then decided to push back the moving date because of money. I found a solid nanny job, making $450 or more a week...this was it! I would be able to save the money and pay off some major bills! This was working out! Then in less than 2 weeks, I lost that "perfect" job and have currently been unemployed since August 22nd. God is STILL providing though. I've been getting nanny gigs to help me get through this financial slump, but nothing consistent enough to save $5,000 in 4 months. But I was NOT going to lose hope. I'm doing this...I'm moving in January, even if I only have $3,000, I'm MOVING! I want this too badly!

Now with that mindset, I can see myself making bold choices and probably having just enough to move to LA. But would I be completely comfortable or how about happy? Would I truly be happy? Sure, I'd be pursuing my dream, but at the cost of so many things. I'd be leaving all of my friends, family, and church home when I'm just getting a chance to spend time with all of them after being away for 4 years wrapped up in college. So what is this "bigger picture?" I think it's when you decide to live your life for God and completely lose yourself in His story. For me, I'm learning, I want to take that "path off to the side of the paved trail." All of the pieces seemed to be falling into place with my journey to LA (except for the money issue), but I'm not sure if I want to take that "paved trail" quite yet. I feel like I have some business to take care of here first. When I move it will be permanent. I pack my stuff up and head out west for good, not just for a few months. I want to make sure I'm COMPLETELY ready to do that. And right now, I can't say that I am ready to move in January.

I have a feeling some wonderful things are just now starting to happen to me and I cannot see myself leaving it all behind before any of it gets a chance to work out. I feel called to take on these new found opportunities at Faith Church St. Louis and become a servant for God. I feel called to spend more time with my family and not just on Sundays. Jenna (my little sister) is growing up so fast and I haven't been around much at all in these past 4 years because of school. I can't see myself leaving her yet. My mom and I have always been close, but nothing compared to where our relationship is now. I'm not ready to leave this newly restored relationship to become "just a phone call away" daughter. I finally get to spend time with my friends, both new and old. I get excited every time someone from my past contacts me and wants to meet up. There are SO MANY people I haven't gotten to spend time with because of school. I've been free since August and I'm not ready to give up this lifestyle yet. Movies, coffee, karaoke, dancing, laughing, talking for hours, walks, etc with all of my amazing friends. I can't leave that behind just yet. And I don't want to forget about all of those new friends who I have met in the past few months. Some friends of other friends, some people I've randomly met on the journey of life, some friends I've known for years but now REALLY KNOW, and some amazing people that God has just placed in my life at the right time. I need to stay for them.

I suppose I've made up my mind. It's just the matter of discussing it with Ana. Only God knows when this move will happen, but for now, I'm letting Him use me here until He lets me know when I'm ready to conquer the West Coast.

Peace, Love, and Joy.

His Hands and Feet

I really can't remember where I was when I first heard this song, but I do remember it was in high school. Pastor David said something the other night that made me wake up. This song came to mind.

"Hands And Feet" by Audio Adrenaline

An image flashed across my TV screen
Another broken heart comes in to view
I saw the pain and I turned my back
Why can't I do the things I want to?
I'm willing yet I'm so afraid
You give me strength
When I say

[CHORUS:]
I want to be your hands
I want to be your feet
I'll go where you send me
I'II go where you send me
[REPEAT]

And I try, yeah I try
To touch the world likeYou touched my life
And I find my way
To be your hands

I've abandoned every selfish thought
I've surrendered every thing I've got
You can have everything I am
And perfect everything
I'm not I'm willing,
I'm not afraid
You give me strength When I say

[CHORUS]

This is the lifetime I turned my back on you
From now on, I'll go so
Send me where You want me to
I finally have a mission
I promise I'll complete
I don't need excuses
When I am your hands and feet

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NeacJatGW8)


Now , after I think about these lyrics and I hear other words from certain people in my life, I finally understand what it means to "live your life for God and not yourself." I was telling this woman today about my life situation: I'm trying to move to LA in 5 months and I recently lost my job. After I lost my nanny job, I was asking God if He was trying to keep me here in St. Louis longer. And that has been my question for these past 2 weeks. Yes, I have faith that God will provide me with a wonderful job, but will I be forcing it all if I'm scrambling to save the money and not have a life in the meantime because I cannot afford to go anywhere but to my job? Peter Cocuzza told me to ask myself why I would want to post-pone this move. "Do not make this decision because of fear," he said. And this decision isn't founded in fear, it's founded in a quest for something more meaningful than my own desires and dreams. I have so many amazing opportunities arising every day with this new church and I keep thinking...how can I do any of these things if I am only here for 5 more months? This woman that I was talking to today is in charge of the youth at the church. She has been writing these dramas in hopes of someday having a chance to perform them, but there is a lack of performers. She heard I was an actress and her face just lit up. On top of that, I'm hearing God tell me to start a mentor program with the young girls in the youth group. They want me sing with the praise and worship band and perform in the Christmas and Easter Programs, and when they all hear that I'm moving in January, they get so bummed....and so do I.


I am finally finding myself and I don't know if I can move 1800 miles away in 5 months only to start looking for "Emily" all over again. This church makes me feel at peace. It strengthens my faith and it feels like home to me.

I spoke to this woman about my situation and she simply said, "When it's God, it's easy. You shouldn't have to work that hard if it's meant to be. And you know, you've been the center of your own story for so long, and now God is asking you to be at the center of His story." This hit me so hard and made me truly listen to what she was telling me. The mere fact that I had never said more than 2 words to this woman before, and she opened my eyes and ears to God's requests was absolutely heaven-sent. He really does send us angels to set us straight.

So all of this has given me more to think about and pray over. Will I be moving to LA? Yes. But will I be moving to LA in 5 months? Only God knows this right now. So if you could, please pray for me while I'm figuring out what God wants me to do and where He needs me the most.

I'm reminded of another song:

"Take me" by Daniel's Window

I saw the mountain side
I saw the mountain side
And I said, “It’s too high to climb”

I felt the pouring rain
I felt the pouring rain
And I know I’ll never be the same

I humbly come before you with my head bowed and my knees bent
My soul is drowning in this sea of doubt
I need You to hold me tonight

Take me Break me
show me what to do
Take me Shape me
teach me to be like you

I heard a silent cry
I heard a silent cry
And it came from deep inside

Take me Break me
show me what to do
Take me Shape me
teach me to be like you

I saw the mountain side
I saw the mountain side I saw the mountain side
And I know I can climb that high

Take me Break me
show me what to do
Take me Shape me
teach me to be like you



Peace, Love, and Joy.