Change is inevitable.

I've been dealing with change more frequently and more intensely than most people my age. But it's something that I have had to deal with since I was very little. Most of the changes that happened were the same as many of my friends dealt with and I had people to talk to because I wasn't alone in the situation: births, divorce, deaths, moving, maturing, dating, money problems, breakups...

But some changes were on a much larger scale and I had very few people in my life who knew how to relate to exactly what I was going through: nauseating family tension, depression, anxiety/panic attacks, moving so much that I never had a secure "home" for longer than 1 year, forbidden love affairs, betrayal, one-night stands, bankruptcy, and yes, even murder of a loved one.

But even as those changes flowed through my life, one thing remained constant: GOD's hand in my life holding me safely. My faith may have had many ups and downs throughout my life, but I always new God was there. Even when I was the most miserable person to be a round for 2 weeks out of every month, God still loved me and sent the right people who could handle my anxiety and PMDD mood swings. (Praise God that those aren't as strong as they used to be!)

I know some of you are wondering what happened to your friend, Emily. She put her friends at the top of the list, she liked to party occassionally, she liked going out boozing, she liked having a good time! Well, at least one of those 4 things are true still. I LOVE HAVING A GOOD TIME, but there are people in my life now that I now choose to put at the top of my list that haven't seen much of me over the past 4 years or in some cases even more than that: my family, my church, and the love of my life, Paul. My friends will always have a very special place in my heart, but I don't spend as much time with them as I have in the past because other things need my attention now.

I used to spend every weekend with some folks, and now I barely talk to them or see them. I know that when you don't live very close to each other, it's much harder to stay in touch and it takes a stronger effort. I know I haven't been doing a very good job of that lately. And I apologize to many of my dearest friends. I guess I'm just trying to get used to some of the changes that have happened to me over the course of the past 6 months. I'm not the same Emily you may have known a year ago, 4 years ago, or maybe even longer in some cases. I choose God over a lot of things. And some may think I'm a Jesus Freak or think it's taking over my life. But I tell you this: I have NEVER been so happy or full of joy in my entire life and I hope that you are happy for me. The goodness that you found in me is still here and is stronger than ever. I've changed, but it's for the better, TRUST ME.

I don't know if you will ever know how much I love each and every one of you who have entered my life at any single moment. From my infamous birthday parties/slumber parties in gradeschool to Junior High Cheerleading to Trenton FUMC Youth Group to WHS Marching Band to SLU to Hard Road to SIUE & Summer Showbiz shows (My Jimmy Dean Girls, Chorus Line underwear and candle party/hide and seek, My cheese-tastic DHSM experience, Ah-mazing Big Love and Every Angel casts) to crazy cast and Halloween parties to wonderfully unique roommates to SETO Formals to Showtunes Tuesdays and Grey Fox to Faith Church St. Louis...they ALL mean the world to me and I love every one of those memories with you all. We don't have to be best friends for me to tell you that or let you know that I hold you close to my heart. If any of you think I hate you or are angry with you for any reason, you are terribly mistaken. I never stop thinking about any of you. Not a single one of you.

I just wanted to let you know that I may come across as different because my faith has become the center of my life and I'd rather spend my time at church functions than anywhere else in the world. Faith Church has become my home and it is where I feel the most at peace. If it wasn't for that church, I would have never met Paul and probably would have continued searching for love in all of the wrong places. That church brings me peace and joy and in turn I bring that peace and joy into the rest of my life. I may not enjoy boozing or partying as much as I used to, but I still have the same sense of humor and enjoy shaking my booty. That will never change. :)

Just know that I love you all and that I am extremely happy with where my life is headed. I'm in love with the man of my dreams and cannot wait to see what lies ahead for both of us.

You are always in my thoughts and prayers...all of you!

Peace & Love.