So, I don't necessarily like discussing bad news on here, but I lost my nanny j0b last week. I didn't do anything wrong (just was myself), the kids just didn't like me and we didn't really connect. So the dad decided to let me go and look for someone else. And I've been job hunting since Monday. Making calls and sending resumes like crazy...TRYING to catch a bite. But it will all happen when it happens. "If it's God today, it's gonna be God tomorrow," according to Pastor David. And so I've been letting that be my mantra through all of this.
But aside from all of that financial mess, I've been finding solace in other important matters of life. I have had more time to spend working out during the day and hang out with my dear friends at night. I've gotten a couple chances to watch movies, which hasn't happened since the last time I was looking for a job. I attend church at least 3 times a week and absolutely love it! It's been a major blessing to my life thus far and I look forward to Tuesdays and Sundays most definitely.
I think what has been weighing heavy on my heart lately is my move to LA. Since there are certain factors that are changing up my plan, I've really searched my heart for what I really truly want to do with my talents that God has given me. I know LA has been on that list for over a year now and that things are lining up just perfectly, but some things aren't lining themselves up and some things are rearranging themselves on me. I'm feeling so at home with this church and the idea of moving 1800 miles away from it really saddens me. I know Pastor David will be online and my mom can always mail me the DVDs, but a part of me doesn't think that will be the same at all. The fact that I don't really have anything saved up yet and that I don't have a job to save that kind of money also is troubling me. I know I will find a new job, but I've been feeling this deadline that I'm not meeting and I feel like a failure because of that.
Wow, that sounds kinda like a bummer...I'm really truly in a good place right now, I'm just thinking a lot about all of this lately.
There are really awesome things happening in my life that I truly have longed for for so long and the idea of moving 1800 miles away from it all makes me question if right now is the right time to make this move. But on the other hand, I feel like I'm not using my abilities that God has blessed me with and that I have aquired through my college education. The artist in me is starving for work and St. Louis is lacking that kind of work. Community theatre and small film projects can only hold me over for so long before I wanna go for the fancy feast of REAL THEATRE and REAL FILM PROJECTS. That definition is only available in my mind because it is based on my own experiences and opinions.
I've also kind of started dating again and a part of me wants to just go have fun and not get too involved, but the passionate side of me wants a deep, meaningful connection with a man. When I feel as if that could possibly happen with someone, I immediately feel as if I need to back away from the situation before anyone gets hurt. Should I even mention my move? Because if I do, what if they don't even wanna bother with me because they feel like it would be a waste of energy? But what about a long distance relationship? Wouldn't that be forcing it? So why don't I just avoid dating altogether? But what if "he" really IS here in St. Louis? What if God is just giving me another difficult situation that He KNOWS I will overcome and be amazingly happy in the end that I stuck with it? *Sigh* This is what goes on in the ol' noggin. Haha.
Yeah, I think too much. But that's me.
Anyway, I'm off to a coffee date with a VERY charming young man who has captured my attention only after knowing him 10 minutes. An amazing 3 hour phone conversation followed that night and I smile at the possibilities. But I'm not going to get in way too deep this time. I have patience this time. And I also have a really awesome friend who keeps me in check every time I think I might do or say something dumb...God's pretty awesome like that.
Love, Peace, and Joy my friends.
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