I'm back!

So it's almost 3AM and I couldn't sleep. I remember when I was in college and this would happen to me, I would just open up my laptop and begin to write. Just stream of consciousness type of writing. After awhile, my eyes would get heavy and I would be able to doze off fairly quickly.

And tonight, or this morning (however you wanna look at it), I realized how much I missed my old blog.

I have missed out on an entire year of blogging, my friends. That kind of makes me a little sad. But there is no better time to start back up then now! I have been keeping a written journal continuously, so not all is lost in the memory upkeep!

So...what's up with me these days, you might ask?

Well, I'm still very much enjoying married life. It will be 2 years here shortly....December 5th to be exact. I can't believe that much time has passed! I'm truly looking forward to a lovely dinner with my hubs next weekend. Frankly, I haven't seen much of him now that the holiday season is here. He is a salesman at Sears so retail hours can be kinda rough on this 9-5, M-F chick. Not to mention he has picked up a part-time job (2-10:30pm shift) to help knock out some of our debt. We definitely have to make the most of the time we have together. Helps us not take each other for granted.

I pay closer attention to the time we have. When you don't get much, you try to soak it all in. Car rides to Wal-mart or QT start to become more precious than you'd think. And as you can tell, we try not to take life too seriously. :)

Work Life:

The office made a move in July to a new location. Newer, cleaner, and more day-light!

The view from my desk... I no longer feel like I'm working in a basement! :)

I've been with NPS for 2 years and 8 months so far and I'm still believing for something else. I refuse to complain because I know I am blessed to even HAVE a job and a decent source of income. I would just like something a little less stressful and a little more enjoyable. I know God has me there for a purpose (and for a season) and I'm constantly trying to live with purpose when I'm there. When it comes down to it, people just need a little kindness and warmth in there lives and I try my best every day to show it to anyone who crosses my path.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,"

~Colossians 3:23

It all comes down to His timing and I will trust Him completely. I know if I wanted to, I could take matters into my own hands and find a new job. But would it be God's plan for me? I don't want to go my own way then ask God to bless it. I'd rather have God reveal His plans for me and they'd already be blessed! This doesn't give me a license to be lazy though. I keep my eyes open for opportunities and a couple doors have opened, but they didn't work out. Not to say God wasn't in it, it just may not have been in His timing.

Ministry Life:

I'm still leading worship at Wrecked Ministries. We have renewed our lease at the building another year. God is continuing to stretch all of us as we keep our eyes focused on Jesus and not on growing a ministry. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God... Our worship services are still VERY intimate, but we are so blessed to be able to worship without limitations. We never pay attention to the clock and we don't care how you worship: lying down, kneeling, standing, sitting. We just ask that you surrender your heart fully to Jesus and pour out your best to Him. We've had our ups and downs in the leadership, but God has remained faithful. We believe if we can be found faithful over the little, He will make us rulers over much. So we honestly don't pay much attention to numbers anymore. We just want to raise up a prayer culture and a group of burning ones who long to worship the King in Spirit and in Truth.

Paul and I have tried out several churches over the last year, but we haven't found our "home" yet. When you're involved in a ministry, it hardly seems like you are missing out on too much because you aren't "forsaking the assembling together of yourselves." But there is something about attending church on a Sunday morning that nothing else can really replace. Again, we know in God's timing, He will reveal to us where He needs us to go. Until then, we are meeting regularly at Wrecked for worship, prayer, and Bible study.

Any way, the eyes are starting to get heavy just like I expected. :)

It's good to be back! Hopefully the next time I write it won't be an entire year later...

Peace&Love.

Friday daze

Got a chance to sleep in a little bit this morning (bc my boss rocks) and find myself wanting to cuddle up next to the heater and take a nap already.

Not feeling up to working full force today. Haven't been for the last few days actually. Kinda funny cuz I almost drove to the Wrecked building this morning instead of work so that shows you where my heart lies right now. I want to immerse myself in worship sets and write music all day long. But alas, God has placed me here in this season to verify insurance benefits and schedule appointments. Lol. Such a calling! Sorry for being fecisious. Health insurance just isn't the most exciting to work with.

I'm just having one of those days where I almost get sick thinking of this season lasting another 4 years (at least our plan for now) until I get to be a stay at home mom (my true calling). But must remain patient and in faith that God has it all under control. My sour attitude today probably has something to do with denying myself natural pleasures for almost 2 weeks now. How I crave chocolate! Oh well...it's good for me.

At least more puzzle pieces are coming together for Paul's true calling. He has always wanted to be a cop and now that he is 21 he can finally go through the Academy. The next class doesn't start until January so God is moving some stuff around to make it all possible for him to go to school and graduate from the Academy...big steps for a homeschooler who has never attended public school! I will help him though. Who knew I would get to enjoy the stresses of college all over again! Haha. But it is cuz I love my hubs that we will do it together.

Keep ya posted on this transition....

Peace&love.

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Hello 2011!

So here we are....a new year and a new season in the Massey home.

Guess it's a a new season because I got rid of a lot of things from my past last week. Threw away journals and pictures from messy and dark times in my life. Memories should bring a smile to your face, not make you want to curl up in a ball and cry for days or throw things.

Been considering deleting this blog for awhile as well, but sometimes I feel like it is my one connection to the rest of the internet world. No more facebook or twitter, so what to do?

A lot has gone on since my last blog entry. I've grown and stretched over the last few months. Discovered life by losing it (Matthew 10:39). Actually, not much is left of "my plan" at all...and I have never been happier. Such a simple statement from Jesus, yet it is probably the most impossible for us to accomplish.

Every day I attempt to "die to myself" and ask God what He wants me to do in any given situation. Of course we all fall when we try to do it on our own, but the good news is that you never really are alone. He doesn't "leave you nor forsake you."

November was a month of growth for Paul and I as we began to consistently pray and read the Bible together for the first time in our relationship. It has brought us closer together in so many ways. We also tried small day (2-3 days) fasting to keep our flesh in check. Definitely new to me. Went on a reading frenzy and couldn't stop for about 3 weeks straight. If I wasn't working, eating, or sleeping, I was reading SOMETHING. Got a chance to see Iron and Wine at the Pageant with my friend Lindsay. What an awesome show! Paul and I spent Thanksgiving at my folks' new home out in the country. I thank God for His hand in that one. I'm so happy to know they are out of that old dark and depressing house. Not to get spooky spiritual, but they were definitely not wanted in that home. Evil presence in that house. But now, they are in a new place full of love and angels at every door and window.

December Paul turned the big 2-1...finally! He bought his gun that he has talked about since I first met him and we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary at The Melting Pot and a night at the Millennium Hotel. It was a lovely evening out together. It was fun to get all dolled up for my man. My ability as a worship leader began to surprise me as each service went by. I was in awe and finally realized that I can only be a vessel for Him to use and nothing more. If I did it on my own, I would struggle, but with the Holy Spirit on my side, I get done and can't even stand up. I turned 25 on the 22nd and found out that phone calls/texts from friends get scarce or non-existent when you get older (or it might have something to do with not being on facebook sadly...) Oh well. Christmas went by too fast, as usual. It really was a Christmas full of giving for me, but I did get a nice gift certificate to a spa from my folks. Excited to use it soon! :)

And well, here we are January 2011....sounds sci fi to me. You know, flying cars and whatnot. Too bad it's not the case. It'd be cool though.

Paul and I got a chance to go on a trip to Chattanooga, TN for 3 days with Wrecked Ministries for Winter RAMP. And it was an AH-MAZING way to start off this new year. God moved in a mighty way among 7,000 young world changers. One night we were there: we had been worshiping and interceding for about 3 hours when we felt a shift happen in the room and a young 9 year old boy stood up out of his wheelchair (one that was built for him) and walked. The entire room went crazy. I have never prayed, danced, or cried out to God that hard in my entire life. It was a life-changing experience to say the least. Since January 1st, I have made some big commitments to God dealing with my walk with Him and He has shown Himself faithful to me in many ways. The anointing upon our worship team has been absolutely awesome and God shows up every single time. I am oh so excited to see where He takes this ministry. We are reaching out to the city of St. Louis in hopes of changing lives for Jesus. So far, it has been worth every second of prayer and service to Him.

Hopefully there will be more from me more frequently this year. I don't know why I have strayed away from writing over this past year. Maybe I have been trying to keep the focus off of myself...probably the reason I deleted my twitter and facebook. I don't want people to focus on me. I want them to see Him through me. So if this is why I am writing, then let them see Him through me and the story I continually ask Him to direct for me.

Soon I will tell a story about some lessons God taught me last week regarding my desire to write a book on my life. It was cool what I heard down in my heart. Oh so cool...

But any hoo hoo....back to my hubs on the couch.

Peace&love.

Enough to heal

So about a month has gone by since we left Faith Church and I am utterly in awe of God's continued direction.
He knows how to take care of the situation when we don't have a clue how we are gonna get through it all. From my last post, you can tell it was pretty emotional for me. It still is tough in a way, but now I feel a confidence in our walk. We know we are exactly where God needs us to be.
On top of that, He has sent numerous new friends our way to help us through this transition. We no longer feel out of place. Our new church is great. We are being fed in great ways spiritually and have found a firey passion for seeking more of God in every aspect of our lives. And because God is so awesome, I now sing praise and worship in a band again. Not for Twin Rivers, but Wrecked Ministries (www.wreckedministries.com). God is bringing the right people into our lives and is orchestating something beautiful with our gifts and callings. 
Friday night was the first time I have ever lead an entire worship service with prayer and everything. God is definitely stretching me in many ways. I am learning about abilities I did'nt even know I had. Lol
I am making set lists and writing my own music (thanks to the direction of the Holy Spirit). It has been incredible! I had no idea a month ago that God would bless me with such amazing responsibility. I am so grateful. :)
The only bummer...I am finding it harder to stay engaged at work. I go through the motions to get it all done but my heart is'nt in it. I find myself wanting to listen to worship music all day and emailing my band mates. I want to read more books and the Bible. I don't feel called to this job any more. But how do I look at the unemployment and not freak out? There are always days like this that I have had where I feel out of place in the secular world, but I am not trying to escape it completely. I just want to know that I am being used to my fullest potential. At this point, I believe anyone could do my job. With my personality...maybe maybe not. But I feel held back here. I don't know...
Must go to God in prayer, I hear. It is hard for a goal-oriented person to just sit back and wait for a door to open. Where is my calling in the secular world? Show me God.
Love&peace.
Em


Taking my mind off of the issue.

That has been the challenge this weekend. Long weekends are a blessing for ultimate relaxation, but with someone such as me, my brain can continuously run laps if I'm dealing with some difficult issues.

Not to get too into details, Paul and I decided to leave our church. It was probably the most challenging thing I have ever had to do. And yet, I know without a shadow of doubt in my heart, that it was the right thing to do...follow my husband no matter what.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to sing. I adored my position on the praise team. Letting the team know of our decision was also very difficult. Walking away from people you care about doing the something you care about, is so hard. But I have to remember that I follow God no matter what. God is stretching me and our marriage in a big way. So for the past few days, I have felt a little hazy and somewhat out of place.

I have been reading this book by Craig Groeschel and have found that it has helped me stay focused on what really matters...

Good read most definitely. There was a quote from the author about his life as a Christian Atheist that really struck a chord...

‎"My service was never enough. And as my love for ministry burned hotter, my passion for Christ cooled..."

Wow... That is all I can say. I can look back and see the same mentality in serving at Faith Church. I was so wrapped up in the worship team, that I sometime neglected my own relationship with Jesus. That is a HUGE revelation for me.

So Sunday morning Paul and I went to church (Twin Rivers off of Tesson Ferry...seriously 5 minutes from our apartment!) TOGETHER for the first time in our marriage. Woke up together, got dressed together, rode together, and SAT together throughout the ENTIRE service. Some may take that for grant it. It was really nice. I really like it there and so does Paul. The hardest thing for me though is the worship ministry...VERY different from Faith Church. They have a choir and 5 lead vocalists up front. And all of them were all over 35-4o years old. :( So I couldn't see a place for me up there, but then I realized that church and a true connection at a church is not about the music ministry. Worship was amazing any way. I may not have to be up on the stage to truly enjoy worship....it may even be better for me not to be actually.

So that was hard for me to swallow since I have such a heart for singing. Maybe God will use my abilities in a different way as time goes on. I think for now, he wants me to put all of my focus on Him and also focusing on having Christ at the very core of our marriage even more so than we had originally thought it was!

So another chapter begins...and more changes occur...

And that is FAITH!

Peace&Love.

Em

Chillaxin'

Mmmm....new Ray LaMontagne album. Perfect for chillaxin' this Friday night.

Just waiting for Paulie to get home from his FIFTEEN HOUR DAY! Yeah, he's my Superman most definitely. 12 hours in over-time this week. That's 12 hours times time and a half. Woot woot. Favor and blessing! Praise God. 2010 is absolutely NOTHING like 2009. It's been an Ephesians's 3:20 year most definitely.

Had a great time getting to know a new gal friend today/tonight. Our late lunch began at 3:30pm and I didn't drop her off to her car until 9:45pm! Guess we have things in common! lol We walked around the Loop in STL and tried on some cute clothes at their awesome boutiques. Just girlie stuff. And I loved it!

It's always fun to get to know new people. Definitely feel like God is trying to build up new friendships for this new season in my/our life. Her boyfriend is very similar to Paulie too, so that will make for fun double dates! Love it!!! :)

Anyway, Paulie got home and now it's cuddle time.

Happy girl...

Peace&Love.

Em

Icky.

Yesterday is a blur. Mostly because I slept the majority of it once I got home from work. I think I saw Paul for about an hour total last night. He got home late (as usual) and I was semi-conscious when he came in the bedroom where I laid coughing my head off.

I honestly hate feeling weak. I can confess that "I'm healed in Jesus' name" til I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't make the symptoms suck any less.

Because of the cough and icky sticky mucus in my throat, I can't sing this weekend at church. As a singer, if you can't use your voice, it drives you nutty! Oh well...at least my ears still work so I can still listen to music. That would suck royally if those weren't working too!

I think I'm also getting to the point of my favorite part of the month...hormonal imbalance! Grrrreat!!! lol I was on a call today talking to a patient about how unfair/unjust health insurance companies are and I was so frustrated by the end of the call, that I started crying! Thankful I am in the office alone today. I regained composure and got on with the rest of my day. Is it Friday yet???

I could say that I just need rest, but that is just dumb since I spent a total of 14 hours in bed last night.

Maybe burnt out at work? Who knows...

I will leave you with this awesome video...maybe watching it will help me boost up my day and hopefully your's too!

Peace&Love.

Em