To Serve or Be Served? That is the Question!

"Ministry" is from the Greek word diakoneo, meaning "to serve.” At my church, our pastors believe that every member of God’s Church is a minister, so obviously that would mean that every believer is called to serve- serve Jesus and serve His Body. Jesus was the servant of all. In fact, He was the Servant King.

“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Mark 10:45 (NKJV)

Jesus asks us as Christians to lay our lives down continually, denying our wants and desires, or as the Apostle Paul said to do, “die daily.”

Do we know how to do that?

It is human nature to seek after what our hearts and flesh crave, but we do not have to give into that kind of nature for we have a new nature in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit empowers us to set aside our selfishness and learn how to be selfless like Jesus, preferring others above ourselves. That kind of lifestyle starts in the mind, in the way we think. Not only is the mind of Christ pure and wise, but it is selfless. When we declare that we have the mind of Christ, we are declaring that we can think selfless thoughts and our thoughts will then begin to affect our words, which will in turn affect our actions, which will in turn affect our behavior, which will in turn affect our character, which will in turn affect our destiny.

Who is God asking you to serve?

What do you need to do to lay aside your selfish desires and put someone else’s life before your own?

It isn’t easy, but it is worth it because Jesus promises us that whoever loses his life will find it and find it abundance.

Minister to someone today and find the kind of abundant and amazing life that you’ve always longed for full of so much love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control- enough to both to give out and receive! True abundance!

The Call.

As Christians, we are called to walk on this earth as Jesus walked on this earth, and in an even greater way (see John 14:12). He came down from heaven, wrapped Himself in humanity, and left His thrown to bring His glory down so that all men may learn to walk as He did and help bring more people into His Kingdom. He died on the cross, took the keys to death, hell, and the grave, rose again, and ascended into heaven back to His thrown where is making constant intercession for us as our High Priest. But He didn’t leave us alone; He made sure that we had the same power that conquered the grave within us and gave us the Holy Spirit to help us walk as He did. In addition to being the Son of God, Jesus walked this earth as a Healer, as a Deliverer, as a Teacher, as a Servant King, as a Priest, as a Shepherd, and as a great Friend to all.

When we become born-again believers, we begin to feel a stirring within us to love Jesus and love people like He did. We are able to love because He first loved us, as 1 John 4:19 tells us in the Bible. In Him, everything is possible because He is love and love never fails.

Although I called upon the Lord Jesus as my personal Savior, acknowledging that He died on the cross to wash away my sins, when I was 16, I have really only been a serious and active born-again believer for the last five years of my life. I have been through a tremendous transformation over the course of those five years (you can learn more about that in my book The Vessel: From Marred to Honorable, which will hopefully be available in Winter 2014), and it was just within the last year that I truly started to understand my purpose and calling and how the Lord wanted me to walk out that purpose in the earth.

As believers, we all have the same calling, but many different talents and gifts that we can use to walk out that calling. We are all called to love the Lord God with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength and love others as we want to be loved, not so that they can feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but so that they can meet the Man, Love Himself, face to face and come into a relationship with the Father through Him. When we acknowledge what Jesus did for us on the cross, He gives us the right to be called children of God. That means you are a son or a daughter of the Most High God! God loves family because He is the One who created it; He wants us all to be a part of His family not only here on earth but in heaven for eternity. Our job as Christians is to tell others about this awesome truth, even other Christians who may not know! The earth is longing for the sons and daughters of God to be revealed, meaning, we receive the revelation that we are God’s children and we begin to take dominion and authority that the devil has tried so desperately to completely steal from us! But He has already been defeated! Praise God!
Now back to what I had mentioned before, we all have different talents and gifts that God has given us to reach and draw people into His Kingdom. That is where the creativity of the Creator comes into play. All of us are completely unique in our personality, character, behavior, abilities, finances, influence, etc. To try to copy and imitate anyone else is cheating yourself of God’s awesome creativity to be activated in your life. Be who God has created you to be and don’t try to put yourself in a box!

With that said, I believe there are three ways we can fulfill our calling and purpose to love God with our heart, mind, soul, and strength and love others how we want to be loved:

1.      Worship God

2.      Edify the Body

3.      Reach the Lost

Within those three ways that we fulfill our calling, we use our unique personality, character, behavior, abilities, finances, influence, etc exactly how God is asking us to. None of those three ways are more important than the other. In other words, if God is asking you to fulfill the call as a Pastor/Teacher, it doesn’t mean that He views how you grow the Kingdom by edifying the Body more important than how a born-again business man reaches the lost by telling his unsaved co-workers about how Jesus changed his life and how Jesus will do the same for them. Or that God views a teenager reaching the lost by leading a fellow student through the prayer of salvation more important than a young couple edifying the Body by leading a Bible study at their college and career discipleship group at their church. Whether saved or unsaved, you are reaching people and drawing people closer (by Jesus being lifted up in our own lives) into the Kingdom of God.

Yet, we can’t reach anyone or draw anyone if we are not worshipping God with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength. Worship isn’t confined to music and singing, or dancing, or painting, or the first 30 minutes of our church services. Worship is a lifestyle of loving God by choosing to say “yes” to God and “no” to our own selfish desires daily. Through acts of constant obedience, we are giving God worth and valuing His will over our own. When we worship God, He pours into us and then asks us to in turn pour out to others around us, again, saved and unsaved alike. Every single soul is important to Father God and He always desires more of us, whether we know Him and have been a Christian for 50 years, 5 minutes, or do not know Him at all and still need to acknowledge Jesus as our Lord and Savior.

Jesus didn’t tell us to go and make converts; He told us to go and make disciples. If you are a Christian, and want to reach the lost, don’t just stop at leading them through the prayer of salvation, continue ministering until they are a part of the Body of Christ, in which they will continue to grow closer into the Kingdom by being edified by possibly someone else who is supposed to use their gift of teaching and encouragement to disciple and watch them mature and grow into who God has created them to be in His family. And please, don’t forget to live a life of constant worship through obedience to the Father. He will pour into you, as you pour out. Live, move, and have your being in that overflow.

Amen.

Riding Waves

A month has passed since Paul and I experienced a pretty emotional and tragic event in our lives. I chose not to disclose the information publically because we truly wanted to heal privately, as many choose to do when they are going through a difficult time. But it seems as if the whole experience is as fresh now as it was 4 weeks ago and my heart is heavy for those who have had to endure such sadness as we have recently. I process information and experiences by sharing my heart through writing, so that is what I am deciding to do.

We lost our precious baby at just 6 weeks along in my pregnancy. I carried that child for two weeks before ever knowing that the baby was with Jesus and not going to be a part of our family here on earth. Our faith in Jesus Christ is what has been our anchor through all of this. Having an eternal perspective definitely helps you put one foot in front of the other when you are going through a storm. God’s overwhelming love and amazing grace has overshadowed us and carried us. We have felt His arms hold us close and we are thankful. We are also so grateful for the prayers of so many friends and family who have continued to lift us up.

As someone who doesn’t like to admit weaknesses, not out of pride, but because I constantly declare Philippians 4:13 over my life, I have had a hard time realizing that it is okay to grieve and it’s okay for grieving process to take time. I have heard the grieving process described as “coming in waves” and I can definitely attest to that. Grief becomes a danger when you allow those waves to pull you under instead of rising above and riding those waves with the grace and strength that the Lord pours out for us. Just because you have God’s grace and strength to endure difficult times doesn’t mean you won’t ever have to face sadness or grief. Just like all attacks from the enemy, the Lord gives us the armor to withstand whatever is thrown at us, as well as a firm foundation beneath our feet. Jesus promises us in John 16:33 that we will have trouble in this world, but He also promises us that we are safe because He has already overcame the world. Whatever you are facing has an expiration date. You won’t have to live with that trouble forever; it cannot overtake you, unless you let it.

So take heart! Stand firm on the foundation of your Rock, Jesus Christ. Let nothing shake you because you have been made an overcomer through Jesus’ victory on the cross. Sadness and grief will come, sometimes like a tidal wave, but you have an anchor of hope and His name is Jesus!  He gave you the power to walk on those waves and He will not let you sink. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

I am praying for those who are going through a time of sadness and grief, especially around this Christmas season. Lift your eyes up to the hills where your Help comes from.

Run YOUR Race...

I'm feeling a stirring in my soul to lead worship in a way that I haven't in quite some time, but I know that every season has a specific time. There is a part of me that longs to operate in the same authority I had in previous years, but I know that I do not have to be on a platform to operate in that kind of authority. I can worship freely with that same authority Jesus has given me wherever I am.

And I do.

There is just something about being with a team of passionate worshippers working together and flowing in the Spirit with their hearts knit so tightly together. There is such power in that kind of worship. 2 or 3 gathered in Jesus' name and He is right there in the midst of them. I have had the privilege to do that for over a year at Church in Action on our worship team as well on a team at GHOP since April and it is has been amazing. Being able to lead a group and the congregation is a privilege as well, but in such a different way. I cannot explain how alive I feel when God uses me in this way.

I know that the Lord had to work on my heart over the last year and it is always a work in progress. I am eager for it to be the time for me to step into that position once again. But as I know from previous experience, I cannot and must not focus on a position, but only His Presence. Although others are continually standing in that position, I cannot look at their assignment when I know the Lord has told me to set my heart to follow through with the assignment He has given me.

"Run the race set before YOU."

Figuring out that assignment takes time with the Father to hear His voice and to hear the still small voice of the Holy Spirit leading and guiding you every step of the way.

Some assignments are obvious just because of location and placement. You know what to do because of where He has you during that season in your life:your job, your neighborhood, your church home, your place of ministry, etc. Some location assignments are life-long and some are only for a certain period of time and the Lord will move you from one place to another to reach people.

It requires time in God's Presence and time in His Word to hear more specific instructions regarding your assignment though. If you listen closely to the Holy Spirit, He will guide your every step and every word the Lord is asking you to speak to help advance the Kingdom.

THIS TAKES DISCIPLINE AND SELF DENIAL.

"More of You and less of me" kind of mentality. All the time.

"Thy will be done" kind of mentality. All the time.

Right now, my locations are laid out before me, yet my assignments are unclear to me. If you are not taking the time out of your day to sit in God's Presence or read His Word, your assignment will remain unclear. And the enemy does not want you to be aware of your assignment and wants you to remain idle and inactive for the Kingdom. He will try to stop all action that the Lord wants you to initiate and try his absolute best to silence your voice. 

This is what has happened to believers. We either take control of our own lives and proceed with our plans and ignore the Lord's leading or we become drifters and do not take action at all.

"I'll go wherever the wind blows me and do whatever makes me happy or feels right" mentality.

But we are called to be soldiers in the army of God with a Kingdom assignment/mission that will push back the forces of darkness! That requires action! That requires a Kingdom mindset!

But the enemy will use all in his arsenal to keep us fixated on ourselves. If he can get us to become self-absorbed, he can stop advancement of the Kingdom. The most important thing we can do is cast all of our cares upon the Lord and He will take care of the results. Our job is to pray and obey His instructions. Our job is to be vessels for the Lord to use to flow through to reach people. This requires surrender of your will and complete humbleness and obedience.

But it is all worth it. Being in the middle of God's will every moment you can, is so totally worth it.

Not only do I need to keep my eyes on the race set before me, but what will keep me motivated is the prize…Jesus. It isn’t the position…it isn’t the ministry…it isn’t the environment that my eyes need to be fixated on. It is Jesus- the Prize at the end of the race which we are always running towards.

And the enemy wants nothing more than to get you to focus on anything BUT Jesus. He doesn’t want you to know that Jesus is the solution to whatever you are struggling with. He doesn’t want you to know that Jesus is the only One who can satisfy your hunger for wholeness. He wants you distracted, confused, and constantly searching.

And do you know where you find Jesus?

The Word.

Jesus was the Word made flesh when He came to earth and He STILL is.

Are you looking for Jesus? Are you looking for the Prize? Can you see Him in front of you as you’re running your race?

If you can’t, then maybe your eyes are not looking in the right place.

Are your eyes focused on the Word of God or are they focused everywhere else but the Word? Make sure you know when your focus is. Keep your eyes on the Prize of Jesus Christ, the Word made flesh.

 

Peace&Love,
Emily Rose

Created to Worship

Did you know that everyone was created to worship?

YEP.

Worship is giving something or someone worth. It is what you devote your time, your devotion, your affection, your finances, your heart to. If you allow yourself to really reflect on this, you will know in your heart where all of those things in your life are going to.

If you worship anyone or anything besides God Almighty, the Bible calls those people or those things idols. And when it comes to God, He doesn't want you to give yourself away to anything or anyone but Him. He's not egotistical or prideful, He just loves us SO MUCH and wants us to see the world and people like He does. Worshiping God creates an atmosphere in our hearts that is conducive to letting God mold us into His image. It becomes a breeding ground for selfless love to be produced in us.

2 Samuel 16:7 says:
"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." (NIV)

When we allow the Lord to mold us and change our hearts, we will be able to love others with the Father's love.

In prayer one day, the Lord dropped this song down into my heart:

Cultivate the ground of my heart

Til it yields a harvest of lasting fruit

For Your purpose

For Your plan...

How does God cultivate the ground of your heart?

By worship.

By worshipping God Almighty and surrendering your life completely to Him. And worship is not just singing to the Lord (although that's important). It is denying yourself and saying "yes" to Him every single day of your life. From seeking Him in prayer or telling a stranger that God loves them by praying with them or giving them a hug, every "yes" to God is worship. When we love God with all that we are, our hearts can't help but overflow with His love for others. 

So it is true. Worship IS a lifestyle. It is constantly telling God "More of You and less of me." EVERY DAY. And every time we obey God and say "yes" to Him, we give Him glory. We give Him worth because He sees us growing up and maturing. Every Father wants to see their children mature and succeed their love walk.

So who or what do you worship? Yourself? Your plans? Your job? Money? Nice clothes? Everything in this world will pass away, except for Love. Let God speak to your heart today and see if there are areas in your life that you are holding back from Him. The more we say "yes" to God, the more He can molds our hearts and they will overflow with His perfect Love. 

Give God worth today. Even in the little things. :)

Peace&Love.

Emily

Standing in AGREEMENT.

These last few weeks can only be described in one word: battlefield.

I have been pulled in so many directions emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. It seemed like everywhere I turned, something or someone was demanding more of me. I found myself disagreeing on more topics than agreeing. It seemed like I was ready to fight at the drop of a hat. In complete defense-mode, really. All I could see was chaos around me.

I always thought I was a peace-maker. I never realized how passionate I can become if something I love is messed with. Whether a person I care deeply about or even the truth I stand for is attacked or tested...I get territorial. I begin to search for the truth to stand against the deception and lies. Whatever it takes, the truth will shine forth!

I realized very recently how much more I can accomplish when I begin to agree instead of disagree. Instead of pointing out what is wrong, I need to speak life over the situation to see how it can change for the better. If I am continuously looking at what is wrong with something instead of what it could look like if it was right, I would probably live without a lot less stress and frustrations and my relationships would remain strong.

This kind of mind-set is really centered in faith. Cutting through all of the mess with words of hope that begin to change things.

"God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did..." -Romans 4:17

When life throws you a curve-ball, sometimes you swing, miss, or you get hit in the head. Instead of screaming at life or even the "curve-ball" for hurting us, why don't we pick up our bat, stand firm, and take another swing at the next pitch? We could stand firm and believe the next pitch will be different.

The beautiful thing is, God gives us new "pitches" every day.

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They [His mercies] are new every morning. Great is Your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23

I want to stand firm on God's word and be in agreement with what it promises. As believers, we could stand in our similarities instead of looking at our differences. We could stand in agreement of the scriptures instead of dispute and disagree. Even if we do not fully understand everything God is doing, we can all agree and know that God is good and God is faithful.

I'm learning to read the scripture to find truth for myself and not to point out another brother or sister's flaws.

I must "work out my OWN salvation with fear and trembling" as Paul says in Philippians.

It really is about speaking life or death. Building up one another instead of tearing down.

I choose to agree from now on.

And I hope you can stand and agree with me that GREAT IS GOD'S FAITHFULNESS!!!

Peace&Love.

Emily

First Time for Everything!

Dated: March 5th

I taught last night at Wrecked Ministries for the first time ever. Not just the first time at Wrecked, but I mean, first time EVER. Can I tell you...it was intimidating! I had been studying for a little over a week, but it really was a topic that has been on my heart for a long time.

I have to admit that it was nothing like leading worship, but still oh so awesome to feel God using your voice to speak to His people. I was on such a high right after worship that it made the transition into speaking a little easier for me. Worship leaders: that's why it is SO important for you to understand the weight that your worship set helps carry...you are stirring up an atmosphere for The Holy Spirit to continue to move and not only speak through the teacher, but speak to the hearts' of the people. I'm so grateful and thankful for the band for their commitment during worship last night (and every night)! You guys were amazing at allowing God to use you all in such a mighty, powerful way that helped prepare my heart to speak and the congregations' hearts to receive! Thank you! :)

It was an intimate group last night, but I truly believe those who were supposed to be there were. I had a young girl, who had never been to a Wrecked gathering before, come up to me after the message and let me know that God spoke to her heart about His plan for her life. She had confirmation come and there is no greater feeling in the world than to know that The Holy Spirit used you to get a word to one of the Father's children! God is so good!!!

I don't want to promote myself in any way, shape, or form but only point those straight to Jesus. HE deserves all the blessing, honor, and glory! I just wanted to share with you something that God put on my heart to speak to His kids about. If you are having difficulty dealing with moving on from your past into a life full of God's best for you, the message I spoke last night may be for your heart. You can click on this link and it will take you straight to our recorded live stream from last night. May God bless your heart today!

http://www.ustream.tv/recorded/13093518

"All I want is You to have Your way

You are the Potter and I am the clay

All I need is You to have Your way

You are Creator and I'm what You've made

Finally I Surrender

You are God, I am man, You are sovereign!"

-Misty Edwards Finally I Surrender

Have a blessed weekend!

Emily

understanding your call

Dated: April 14th, 2011

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has called me to lead His people in worship. But if we are not careful, we can put too much focus on our calling and not enough on Him. In every aspect of life we have priorities and choices. But we must ALWAYS choose to seek Him first in all that we do. Even if our calling involves being in ministry for Him. His face needs to be the most important prize we seek, not approval from leadership or your mentors. It is His face that you should long for.

We must be seekers first, then our calling may follow.

This has been on my heart more than ever lately and I'm trying my best to live a life of worship both in the secret place and in public.

I pray that for each of your lives as well. May you hunger after His eyes and His affection in the secret place. May you come to know Him on such an intimate level that your calling becomes your way of life and not just your constant focus.

Focus on His face. It is worth it.

Peace & Love,
Emily

Shine on!

Dated: May 21st, 2011

Trying to take some time to write in here consistently, but it is much harder than I thought. When life picks up speed, things like blogging isn't found on the priority list unfortunately.

But then God puts something on your heart and it seems like one must find a way to express it. And since one of the best ways I know how to do that is writing, here we are! :)

At Wrecked Ministries, one of our leaders, Chris, has been teaching on being a light for Christ. We've been taught that since we were little ones. You know, "This lil' light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine..." Although that is a cute, catch song for pre-schoolers, we must take the truth in it and expand our thinking. We cannot allow our light to be little and expect others to see it. No, our light must be set ablaze within us. We must burn so hot and bright for God that people around us catch the fiery passion for Christ too.

The lamp of the Body

³³ “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light. ³⁴ Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy,^[g] your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy,^[h] your body also is full of darkness.³⁵ See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness. ³⁶ Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will be just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

-Luke 11:33-36 (NIV)

To remain a light for Christ, we must protect what our eyes see so we may keep ourselves pure and full of light. Any unpure thing causes darkness. But where there is light, darkness HAS TO FLEE! In Chris' teaching, he spoke on John the Baptist going to the wilderness and burning bright for God. He went to the wilderness away from the debauchery going on in the world (which is still true today) and kept his eyes from seeing darkness. This kept his whole body full of light just as Luke 11: 33-36 talks about. He burned so hot and bright that people came to him to be baptized and be made pure and holy in God's sight. John the Baptist prepared the way for Jesus' 1st coming by preaching "Repent! For the kingdom of heaven is at hand!" Now that is a bold statement for the Lord!

We are seeing signs of the end times unfold right before our very eyes (read Matthew 24) and although it is not the end of the world yet (for only the Father knows the time and the hour), Jesus said when we see these signs, the end is still to come. So we know that the beginning of the end has started. We must remain in faith, resist fear (which is full of darkness), and prepare the way for Jesus' second coming!

How do we do that? We preach repentance and burn bright as a light for Christ! God is so awesome that He has already given us a guideline to be the forerunner for Jesus...we are to be a John the Baptist generation!

⁶ There was a man sent from God whose name was John. ⁷ He came as a witness to testify concerning that light, so that through him all might believe. ⁸ He himself was not the light; he came only as a witness to the light. -John 6-8 (NIV)

Jesus is the light and when we seek Him, He will fill us with light. We will burn bright for Him for all to see. People will then be drawn to us like moths to a flame. They will see something different in us that cannot be found in the world. A love and a peace can be found in Christ that world cannot and does not offer.

⁹ The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. ¹⁰ He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. ¹¹ He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. ¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. -John 9-13 (NIV)

John prepared the way for Jesus and we are to do the same. Shine bright for Him and do not let your eyes see any dark or unpure thing. Keep your eyes fixed on things that are pure and Holy. Keep your eyes fixed on God's face. Seek Him and Him alone.

Be blessed.

Peace&Love,

Emily

Hello 2011!

So here we are....a new year and a new season in the Massey home.

Guess it's a a new season because I got rid of a lot of things from my past last week. Threw away journals and pictures from messy and dark times in my life. Memories should bring a smile to your face, not make you want to curl up in a ball and cry for days or throw things.

Been considering deleting this blog for awhile as well, but sometimes I feel like it is my one connection to the rest of the internet world. No more facebook or twitter, so what to do?

A lot has gone on since my last blog entry. I've grown and stretched over the last few months. Discovered life by losing it (Matthew 10:39). Actually, not much is left of "my plan" at all...and I have never been happier. Such a simple statement from Jesus, yet it is probably the most impossible for us to accomplish.

Every day I attempt to "die to myself" and ask God what He wants me to do in any given situation. Of course we all fall when we try to do it on our own, but the good news is that you never really are alone. He doesn't "leave you nor forsake you."

November was a month of growth for Paul and I as we began to consistently pray and read the Bible together for the first time in our relationship. It has brought us closer together in so many ways. We also tried small day (2-3 days) fasting to keep our flesh in check. Definitely new to me. Went on a reading frenzy and couldn't stop for about 3 weeks straight. If I wasn't working, eating, or sleeping, I was reading SOMETHING. Got a chance to see Iron and Wine at the Pageant with my friend Lindsay. What an awesome show! Paul and I spent Thanksgiving at my folks' new home out in the country. I thank God for His hand in that one. I'm so happy to know they are out of that old dark and depressing house. Not to get spooky spiritual, but they were definitely not wanted in that home. Evil presence in that house. But now, they are in a new place full of love and angels at every door and window.

December Paul turned the big 2-1...finally! He bought his gun that he has talked about since I first met him and we celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary at The Melting Pot and a night at the Millennium Hotel. It was a lovely evening out together. It was fun to get all dolled up for my man. My ability as a worship leader began to surprise me as each service went by. I was in awe and finally realized that I can only be a vessel for Him to use and nothing more. If I did it on my own, I would struggle, but with the Holy Spirit on my side, I get done and can't even stand up. I turned 25 on the 22nd and found out that phone calls/texts from friends get scarce or non-existent when you get older (or it might have something to do with not being on facebook sadly...) Oh well. Christmas went by too fast, as usual. It really was a Christmas full of giving for me, but I did get a nice gift certificate to a spa from my folks. Excited to use it soon! :)

And well, here we are January 2011....sounds sci fi to me. You know, flying cars and whatnot. Too bad it's not the case. It'd be cool though.

Paul and I got a chance to go on a trip to Chattanooga, TN for 3 days with Wrecked Ministries for Winter RAMP. And it was an AH-MAZING way to start off this new year. God moved in a mighty way among 7,000 young world changers. One night we were there: we had been worshiping and interceding for about 3 hours when we felt a shift happen in the room and a young 9 year old boy stood up out of his wheelchair (one that was built for him) and walked. The entire room went crazy. I have never prayed, danced, or cried out to God that hard in my entire life. It was a life-changing experience to say the least. Since January 1st, I have made some big commitments to God dealing with my walk with Him and He has shown Himself faithful to me in many ways. The anointing upon our worship team has been absolutely awesome and God shows up every single time. I am oh so excited to see where He takes this ministry. We are reaching out to the city of St. Louis in hopes of changing lives for Jesus. So far, it has been worth every second of prayer and service to Him.

Hopefully there will be more from me more frequently this year. I don't know why I have strayed away from writing over this past year. Maybe I have been trying to keep the focus off of myself...probably the reason I deleted my twitter and facebook. I don't want people to focus on me. I want them to see Him through me. So if this is why I am writing, then let them see Him through me and the story I continually ask Him to direct for me.

Soon I will tell a story about some lessons God taught me last week regarding my desire to write a book on my life. It was cool what I heard down in my heart. Oh so cool...

But any hoo hoo....back to my hubs on the couch.

Peace&love.

Taking my mind off of the issue.

That has been the challenge this weekend. Long weekends are a blessing for ultimate relaxation, but with someone such as me, my brain can continuously run laps if I'm dealing with some difficult issues.

Not to get too into details, Paul and I decided to leave our church. It was probably the most challenging thing I have ever had to do. And yet, I know without a shadow of doubt in my heart, that it was the right thing to do...follow my husband no matter what.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to sing. I adored my position on the praise team. Letting the team know of our decision was also very difficult. Walking away from people you care about doing the something you care about, is so hard. But I have to remember that I follow God no matter what. God is stretching me and our marriage in a big way. So for the past few days, I have felt a little hazy and somewhat out of place.

I have been reading this book by Craig Groeschel and have found that it has helped me stay focused on what really matters...

Good read most definitely. There was a quote from the author about his life as a Christian Atheist that really struck a chord...

‎"My service was never enough. And as my love for ministry burned hotter, my passion for Christ cooled..."

Wow... That is all I can say. I can look back and see the same mentality in serving at Faith Church. I was so wrapped up in the worship team, that I sometime neglected my own relationship with Jesus. That is a HUGE revelation for me.

So Sunday morning Paul and I went to church (Twin Rivers off of Tesson Ferry...seriously 5 minutes from our apartment!) TOGETHER for the first time in our marriage. Woke up together, got dressed together, rode together, and SAT together throughout the ENTIRE service. Some may take that for grant it. It was really nice. I really like it there and so does Paul. The hardest thing for me though is the worship ministry...VERY different from Faith Church. They have a choir and 5 lead vocalists up front. And all of them were all over 35-4o years old. :( So I couldn't see a place for me up there, but then I realized that church and a true connection at a church is not about the music ministry. Worship was amazing any way. I may not have to be up on the stage to truly enjoy worship....it may even be better for me not to be actually.

So that was hard for me to swallow since I have such a heart for singing. Maybe God will use my abilities in a different way as time goes on. I think for now, he wants me to put all of my focus on Him and also focusing on having Christ at the very core of our marriage even more so than we had originally thought it was!

So another chapter begins...and more changes occur...

And that is FAITH!

Peace&Love.

Em

Change is my middle name.

I think I could go back through my previous blog entries and see a chain of similiarities of one word describing my life... CHANGE!

God has been shaping and molding me a lot lately. Asking me to give up some bad behaviors/habits/thoughts, etc. And normally, I grow weak and give into my own fleshful desires to seek that instant pleasure those things, words, activities may give me at any given time.

And lately, by the Grace of God, I have been finding it in me to stick to my convictions.

Facebook was destroying my peace and I needed to do something about my slight addiction to the socially acceptable gossipping tool.

Since '04/'05, I had been a part of the facebook network. Many of you might recall that facebook was created for college students as a way to stay in touch with fellow classmates. Back when I was at SLU, only a selected number of universities/colleges were a part of this new social networking world. Friends used to skip class to "mess around on facebook" because it was all so new to everyone. You could post pictures and comment on people's walls or send a message. It was very basic and pretty harmless.

Then they opened up the networking system to high school students, which then enabled a younger generation (I believe you did have to be over 14 to use it, but I'm sure people lied about their age) to add to the fun world of facebook. Then facebook opened up it's doors to anyone from anywhere who had an existing email address to access the site. I think this is where it got out of hand for me. All of a sudden people from all over the place were finding me. Parents, relatives, cousins were able to see what was going on in your life and make it known to the whole facebook world what they thought of your new profile pic or upload their own emabarrassing picture of you.

Facebook started fights between friends because it was a way you could mention something someone did to you without calling them out by name, but EVERYONE knew who you were talking about. You be-friended someone just because you met them once at a party or had a class with them and talked maybe once the whole semester.

So when I graduated from SIUE, I used facebook to stay in touch with friends and catch up on the lately SIUE Theatre Department gossip. Then I started going to Faith Church, met Paul, and had less interest in what shows SIUE was doing or who said what to whom. I began deleting fellow SIUE alum because I found myself growing bitter towards their life's direction. I attempted to de-activate my facebook and made it a week without it. I gave in and started making excuses as to why I still needed to be on the site.

But it was causing me to get in trouble at work and extra little anxieties I didn't need. People started lashing out at me in their comments regarding my faith, and I felt betrayed by certain friends who weren't supportive of my decisions to stay in St. Louis and get married. I then chose to 'clean house' in the facebook friends list. I deleted so many people that I realized the only ones who I remained friends with were people I saw on a daily/weekly basis. Everyone else had my number or I had their's.

After the zillionith high strung conversation with Paul starting with "then today I saw on facebook..." he sincerely asked me why I bother to look at that junk every day? And I honestly didn't have a solid reason but because of boredom. And I felt God asking me to get rid of that junk from my life.

Now I know that using facebook doesn't make you a bad person or that it is a sin to endulge in the social aspect of this new age of technology. But for me, I didn't like who it was making me. I was judging more, I was gossiping behind people's backs, I was growing bitter at other's life experiences...I a meltdown last week because someone's enagement pictures were flawless (not that mine weren't...I love mine and this is why I was thinking something was wrong) and I wished I had thought of certain ideas that they did. God was showing me some hidden flaws of my character through this behavior. Maybe not hidden, but surpressed.

So I'm working on some things. I want to shine out peace, love, and joy. I want people to see God through me and I won't be able to do that if I'm constantly bickering, complaining, comparing myself to others, and whining.

I deleted my facebook.

And I feel sooooo GOOD! No pressure or anxiety about blocking people from my past or denying an invite to a party. The weight has been lifted and I can breathe again! So because of this decision, I have to try MUCH harder to stay in touch with friends. And I'm going to do it the way people did it BEFORE the days of facebook...coffee dates and phone calls! How bout that idea! Sounds ingenius!

Oh, and I'm gonna call or text someone on their birthday. This whole "facebook reminded me it was your birthday" thing is soooo impersonal! Come on, let's send snail mail again or birthday cards! I'm not going to follow the fold in this life. I want to make the most out of every day and enjoy the little things in life. No more virtual reality, I want the real thing!

Peace & Love.

Going along with the changes, but not agreeing with it.

My eyes have been opened up to many new things lately...especially in regards to my faith and things surrounding the spiritual realm. Not to sound like a big ol' wack-job, but my life has gotten a little taste of things that are unseen and almost unspoken about. I've never believed in ghosts, but always knew that "we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against prinicipalities and rulers of darkness" as Apostle Paul put in in the Bible. So there are reasons for certain distasters and diseases and creepy feelings/noises in "haunted" houses. (none of which are from God). And when you die, your spirit does not linger here on Earth. There is no such thing as purgatory. You live in eternity in either heaven or hell. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Whether that be your job, your family, your life....

But the GREAT news is that God turns all of that around and uses it for GOOD!

Anyway, because of this new-found knowledge, my faith has grown stronger. Now that I know what we are up against, I know that I need to strengthen my faith and put on the full armor of God. We ARE in the mist of a spiritual warfare, whether you want to believe it or not. We must not walk by what we see, but what we believe to be true!

All this talk about thousands of teachers in the US loosing their jobs (around 17,000 just in IL) and the new healthcare reform bill, gets me thinking that one must look to something bigger than ourselves! We MUST! The government can't take care of us anymore. If they ever could. Heck, we are losing our freedom left and right. Our God is a god of more than enough and a god of over-abundance....these new changes in our society and government do not bring the word abundance to mind...well, not in the positive light any way.

And back to the teachers cut topic, I can now see why God had asked me to back down on going back to school to get certified to teach theatre. If we don't have enough money to fund a math teacher or an english teacher, how would we EVER have enough federal compensation for theatre?! Not to mention how much debt one gets into when they sign up for MORE student loans! I already owe close to $25,000 and I don't even use my degree completely at my job (how many more people can say that...come on you english lit majors!). But God will continue to take care of me even if my decision to attend college and study theatre was completely done selfishly and carelessly. I never took time to pray about it. I just did what FELT good. Faith isn't based on feelings, but I cannot kick myself any longer. What's done is done and I may not be where I am today if I didn't transfer schools or choose certain paths. Heck, I wouldn't have a testimony to share with others about how AMAZING our God is and was to me during that dark time of seperation from Him!

So...just letting certain topics sink in and not go around ignorant. I like to find answers to what is going on around us. Seek and ye shall find!

Peace&Love.

My heart grows soft...

I've been listening to a lot of Christian music lately. Luckily St. Louis is getting a stronger signal for Joy FM and it will soon reach 2.7 million people on 99.1 (the classical station we now know of). But I realized how God will speak to you through the lyrics of these songs. I find the Fireproof soundtrack hits home more often than not. "Love is Not a Fight" by Warren Barfield and "The Words that I would Say" by Sidewalk Prophets are two that bring a tear to my eye everytime I hear them.

I can see God using this music to keep my heart tender. Tender towards myself, towards strangers, tender towards situations that are out of my control...

And boy do I need it!

I find myself getting really tense and on defense-mode when my hormones decide to go crazy once a month. I know every woman deals with this on many levels, but we should have some control over how we react when that time comes. This has been my biggest challenge the past few years. I've gotten much better over the past year. Not as many panic attacks or 'freak out' moments. That's good right? :) Not to say that I'm not tempted to go that direction. Believe me, there are some folks I come into contact that test my patience more than I would like.

But again, it's this music that I listen to on a daily basis that keeps my heart and head in check. And I find myself needing it more than before. I hear God asking me to "relax" and to stop thinking about the things that have gone WRONG and look for what is going RIGHT. To stop judging my progress with those around me. And the training that I received had me doing that ALL THE TIME! How can I be better than my competition? This is my "type"...how can I stand out above all of them and look more beautiful, be more talented? And then I try to understand why I'm comparing myself to everyone all the time. My degree forced me to do that every day. *Sigh*

Any way, I'm not my degree. I'm Emily. Made in God's image. That's it.

Peace&Love.

CrAzY FAVOR IN 2010!

Last night's message hit me hard. Our pastor, Pastor Dave, and his wife Nicole are currently visting Joel Osteen's church, Lakewood Church in Houston. They've been asked to represent Lakewood as a sister church in the midwest. Pretty big stuff! They both hung out with Joel all day and toured all the in's and out's of Lakewood. They filmed promos for this new branch in his ministry and grew together in fellowship.

So while our pastors were in Texas, we had a great man of God speak into our lives last night at Faith Church's Tuesday night's service. Dennis Hammond's word was compelling and full of hope for the Body of Christ. He spoke about the amazing favor God's people are about to experience in this year...this DECADE! It's going to be ridiculous! And I believe it! God's people are going to see so much favor and blessing around them they won't know what to do with it! Checks are in the mail, promotions are coming, the right connections, the right jobs, the right spouses...they are on their way to those who believe!

So as I was chewing on this great word last night, my attention was brought to the favor I have already found in my life so far in 2010! Our tax return alone (seriously not bragging guys, just showing you how amazing God is) was jaw dropping and even left Paul's parents were scratching their heads. And aside from my student loan debt (which I pay more than the minimum payment every month), Paul and I have have lessened our debt below $300, we paid off 3 of his credit cards, 1 of mine, and now are working on 2 of mine which are both fairly low. And then yesterday I got our car insurance policy for the new term in the mail and they lowered the monthly payment by almost $60 for no reason! So with that and Paul's credit card bills gone, we are saving well over $100 every month. That's more money that we can give and more money to help us for various things that pop up. But when I see the greatest favor, I don't think of money or finances, but love.

How can I now be in awe of what God brought into my life? Although Paul and I have been together since 2008, things have seemed more honest, truthful, and passionate between us since we got married. Our love has reach a different level that I can't find the words to describe. He is my best friend and partner in crime. I ALWAYS have someone to pick me up at the end of a crappy day and he's always finding different ways to make me laugh. :)

I was talking to a friend's mom the other night at church at how I can't get over the change God is making in my life. And how much happier I am than most of my friends who are searching for some type of validation from the world. You don't need some random stranger to tell you you are talented or beautiful! Just believe it because God says you are! He LOVES you!!!!

Anyway, because of all the crappy relationships in my past, I can see that favor because God brought Paul into my life. It's perfect. I know we'll have our hard times down the road, but if anything, I think it's gotten easier since we got married. We fought more in the beginning (probably because I was in the midst of a heart change and was resisting it big time). But things are great and I'm so happy with where life is. Not to mention that God is STILL letting me be on stage and sing my heart out. I love it. Favor with that: one of 6 people selected from about 15 plus singers to perform at the Israel Houghton concert on Friday!!! Soooo.....EXCITEd!!!

Also SUPER SUPER SUPER happy for my friend Kelly who discovered her soulmate Josh a few weeks ago. I've known Kelly since we were 5. We grew up in the same church, played in band together, went through the same school system, and graduated together from Wesclin in 2004. Josh is a sweetheart to her and I'm so excited for the both of them. :)

Life is good.

Peace&Love.