In the blink of an eye...

Things can change so quickly sometimes. One day you are perfectly content with the direction your life is headed, and then you catch a glimpse of something you though you understood, and then BAM...your life takes a sudden turn.

Decisions...changes...moving forward...

Seems to be a constant variable in my life...especially over the last few years. You'd think I would be used to it by now, but change is always uncomfortable no matter how often it happens to you.

Paul and I have been involved at Wrecked Ministries since September 2010, only 1 short month after we left Faith Church. We lost a lot of friends in that transition, but God is always faithful and helped us through it by bringing a different group of friends into our life. We found genuine friendships and family during a time of such change and transition for both of us. During our involvement at Wrecked, we searched for our new church home month after month, until a year had passed. We would stay for a few months at one then question if it was really where we were supposed to be. From September 2010 to September 2011, we had tried 3 different churches. So we always felt in transition as far as that area of our life was concerned, but we never lost sight of who we were in Christ or who Christ was to us. We pursued God intensely in the midst of limbo. I found my place as a prophetic worship leader and re-discovered my gift as a songwriter. I read through the entire Bible and fasted and prayed more than I ever had in my whole life. I had a new-found boldness at work to pray with co-workers and patients and even ministered to some homeless people here in South County. We were greatly impacting families when we traveled as a ministry and when people would come to our gatherings in Arnold at our building.

Even though we had a difficult time finding our church home, we never felt like we were totally lacking in our walk with God. Actually, it felt stronger than ever before!

But in August 2011, something shifted in the ministry. We felt burnt out and upset that no one had been coming for 3 or 4 months. We weren't traveling as much anymore and ultimately, we were just ministering to ourselves. After a team meeting, it seemed as if everyone was throwing in the towel. The foundation was crumbling, but after a weekend at The Ramp it seemed as if we were able to pull ourselves together. We came back refreshed. It looked like we got a second wind! We were faithfully there at every gathering even though only a few people were showing up. We were just keeping our eyes fixed on the Lord. But then some people from the team stopped coming regularly and then left the ministry altogether. Discouragement started to kick in, then judgement, then accusation, then a little bit of self-righteousness. We ignored the fact that there wasn't much love anymore. So month after month went by and we began to ultimately go through the motions. To get over the fact that no one was coming anymore, we focused on prayer. We were going to become a prayer culture. Sounds awesome, but in reality, we became a holy huddle not reaching out to the lost. Paul and I had been feeling uncomfortable about everything for a few months but couldn't find it in us to leave just yet. We had invested so much time and energy in this place! And on top of that, we had no church home at all. We felt trapped with very little hope of ever finding a place to raise our kids. Was this it? Were we even affecting the Kingdom for God? Were we even growing spiritually anymore? We were involved in a ministry that wasn't ministering to anyone. It just felt like we kept going around the same mountain with little progress.

But a month ago, things began to brighten up. We started attending a church in Arnold that a few friends went to. And after the first service, we knew this was it. We had found our church home! FINALLY! We were just so excited to be getting fed regularly and meeting new people. And this church has an amazing outreach ministry. They better because they are called CHURCH IN ACTION!

But what about Wrecked? It was starting to feel like an obligation to go at this point. Over the last few months, Paul and I have tried to stick it out, but this past week we decided to step down. It has been a long week.

I am just so glad that God is faithful to the end. Man's love will always disappoint, but God's love remains. It never fails. I am taking one step at a time with this new season, but I am excited to see what God is getting ready to do through us. Sometimes making a move in a new direction can scare the crap out of you, but if you just keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, He will help you walk out into the unknown.

Lord, help me walk out on the water with You. I want to be where You are. I want to be where You need me. Thank you for Your mercy and grace. Thank You for Your amazing love. I couldn't get through all of this change without You God.

"And I'm fixing my eyes on the One who's unchanging, cuz the One who's unchanging is forever changing me." ~Amber Brooks